Poke'Scenes
by Neo Namco
Summary: Starring all your favorite and non-favorite characters in a multiple skit/story series, reminiscent of Robt Chicken, but lengthier and more in LATEST CHAPTER: Breaking Bad spoof!
1. The True Story Of Poke'mon

**Poke'Scenes**

_(try to stay with me through this intro as there are actual stories to follow, including much improved writing as this fic progresses so give it a chance)_

Poke'mon. It now has about seven-hundred episodes and is in it's 10th…12th…14th season? At one time it was the most popular show on the planet, premiering in Japan in 96.

But the following year a seizure incident lead to the series' hiatus.

(The Simpsons make a reference to the incident:)

"Hey isn't this that cartoon that causes seizures?" Bart Simpson asks.

The robots on the television flash out lasers from their eyes, causing Bart and Lisa to have seizures.

"What the?" Marge turns around and gets a seizure of her own.

When the scene became available on the internet for the rest of the world to see...it was a disappointment.

A man in his late thirties sits at a computer, watching the seizure scene. The caption at the bottom of your screen reads 'American watching the seizure incident'

"That's it?" he questions, very disappointed and upset. "Those Japanese are pussies! I've wigged out more from an episode of Spongebob"

The series debut in the United States during September of 98, and swept the country, and opening up the gate to making anime in the states mainstream. It thrilled many, and angered many...

A father with three kids is on his knees in a living room, crying as his children jump up and down shouting out random poke'mon names and simulating battle.

"Damn those poke'men. Damn them all. They've bankrupt me. I can't live on poke'mon cards!" he sobs uncontrollably.

The first season was truly special, thought to be the best of the series. It also included several banned episodes. What you are about to see...is truly disturbing(and all real).

Jessie and James are both in bikinis. James has inflatable breasts and is shaking them in front of a crying Misty. "Come back in ten years when you have these." he says.

(then in the version that wasn't even released in Japan or the UK): Jame's bikini top falls off as his breasts continue to inflate, revealing them to the judge(Brock) and the audience.

"Oh my god there's no nipples on those breasts!" Brock yells, and then looks down at his bare chest "Ahh! There aren't any on mine either. What's going on?"

"Leave me alone, I was born this way." James buries his face into Jessie's chest and cries.

Some scenes were alternated...such as this one:

The Khangaskan kid is staring at Misty "Are you pokemon or people?"

Misty hits him on the head "I'm a human you creep!"

But why would she be so pissed? This is what the original script called for:

He stares at Misty's chest and points "Are those breasts?"

Misty hits him "You little pervert!"

The first of a ridiculous amount of movies also came out, beginning in 1999.

"I didn't know vikings still existed." Brock says in an old viking boat with team rocket disgusing themselves.

"They mostly live in Minnesota." Ash jokes. And you know the rest…magic poke'mon tears brought Ash back to life from turning into stone. I'm pretty sure the same thing happened in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi.

The second season came, leaving beloved character Brock behind.

"He said he had personal issues to deal with, so we wrote him out that year." Norman Grossfield, the show's president explains.

The only thing interesting about the second season was the growing idea that Ash and Misty had the hots for each other.

"You must be crazy!" Ash and Misty exclaim in unison after a joke Tracy made about the two liking each other.

"You're a lucky guy, Ash." Rudy tells him.

"What do you mean?" Ash was confused

"You'll find out someday." Rudy says. But he never did and probably never will.

One thing for sure is it inspired a cult following of AAML, or Ash and Misty love. People wrote stories about them on fan fiction dot net, trying to out-do the real writers of the anime series.

When Brock returned at the end of the season, he was open to making jokes about his personal life and incorporating it into the show.

"What happened with you and Professor Ivy?" Misty asks.

"I don't want to talk about it." Brock curls up, and becomes depressed.

After the season ended, a few of the show's best writers left, and the trend continued over the next few years, writers leaving after every season, bad writers brought in. during Master Quest, Misty had contracted HIV, leading to her retirement, ala Magic Johnson. The show's best writers came back to help write a special farewell episode, disappointing many fans.

Ash and Misty face each other. It was a serious scene "Misty..." Ash speaks

"Yeah?" Misty asks, hoping for a remarkable response.

"We like to tease the audience." Grossfield grins evilly.

After a long pause Ash speaks "Your bike's there." he turns to it.

"Oh." Misty was disappointed.

All poke-shipping fans had the same disappointed reaction as Misty at that moment. In the following years many of the committed suicide. Social suicide that is…with the exception of a few people who committed actual suicide.

Misty's replacement was as big a disappointment as the new episodes. The show was eventually sold to Poke'mon USA and the Cartoon Network as 4 Kids was no longer interested in the depleting product.

Oddly enough, as soon as Pokemon's new network picked up the show, everyone's voices mysteriously changed, resulting in even worse ratings. Despite the spike, it was renewed for a tenth season. And a new girl, Dawn was brought in. The writer's hoped her hotness would bring viewer's back. And then she left and so did Brock and Iris joined the cast.

This is the E True Hollywood Story: Poke'mon...

* * *

Professor Oak sat at his computer typing. All we can see is the back of him. He turns around and glances at us. "Ahh! Don't look!" he shrieks. The camera turns around... "Ok." he says and we face him. Oak stood up.

"Hello fellow poke'mon fans and poke'haters. I welcome you to Poke'scenes. What is Poke'scenes you ask? I'll tell you. This is a comedy series that has your favorite pokemon characters...yes, even Max. They participate in making fun of many things. They make fun of TV shows, movies, sports, fan fics, current events, and even themselves. Each episode has three to four different stories and...that's all i can tell you because the prompter is broken." he groans loudly.

He starts mumbling "If the show had good ratings we could afford better equipment." he looks at us "OH! Well let's move on to the first story shall we? See ya after the show."

"Who are you talking to, Professor?" Tracy walks up next to him.

"Ahh, no one." the professor shakes his head. Sweat dripped from his forehead.

"Oh. Well Mrs. K wants you to know she's in the bath tub now." Tracy informed him.

Sam(Oak) quickly covers Tracy's mouth "That's nice Tracy, but i don't know why she'd tell you that." he blushes and pushed a button on a remote that moves the scene to the next story.

* * *

'We now return to Poke'mon: Diamond and Pearl, so cleverly named.'

"Being a poke'mon trainer is hard work." the voice over man for cartoon network continues "No one knows that better than Dawn. She's so hot. She's just staring up and showing a lot of promise. But she's still got a lot to-" he cant finished because he's being interrupted.

"I'm so sick of this!" Ash falls to his knees. Brock and Dawn stop for him.

"What's wrong, Ash?" Brock asks him.

"Things are so boring now. It's the same thing over and over and over again." he pounded the ground with his fists. "I miss the old days when things were more unpredictable and I drove the story lines." he complained.

"Things change Ash. And not always for the better." Brock told him, he was also unsatisfied with the direction his life was headed.

"I wish i could see what your journey used to be like." Dawn said, while opening her shirt so she showed cleavage to the viewers.

"Check pokemonepisode dot org" Brock whispered in her ear.

"I want my old voice back too!" Ash complained further.

"Tell me about it. I have to cover my ears when you open your mouth!" Brock joined Ash in complaining.

"Prepare for trouble."

"And make it double."

"Oh great." Ash covered his eyes with his right hand.

"To protect the world from devastation."

"To unite all people's with in our...oh i cant take this any more either, Jessie." James whined.

"What's wrong?" Jessie asked. They stood in the meowth balloon that hovered overhead.

"I agree a hundred percent with the twerp. This is really getting old. The same thing over and over again. It's too predictable and lazily written." He replies.

"Jimmy's right ya know." Meowth nodded.

"Guess your right." Jessie wiped a tear from her eye. "Let's go do our own thing." Jessie tugged on the string and the balloon flew off into the distance.

"Looks like Team Rocket's getting a clue!" and with that they were gone after the 'ding!'

"What's with all the negativity?" Dawn asks, living up her skirt so we can see her pink panties in order to maintain the viewer's interest.

"You!" Ash got up in her face and pointed at her.

"Me?" she asked, a sweat drop ran down her head.

"It's new dull characters like you that ruin shows. I want a divorce." Ash turned away and crossed his arms.

"Uh...huh?" Dawn was confused.

"I want a divorce! I'm gonna go off and do my own thing. And there's nothing hot girls like you or pokemon USA can do about it." Ash's feelings about everything was finally coming out. And it shocked...no one.

"Ash. I too am going to follow my dream. I'm gonna stop following you around and actually go do what i set out to accomplish." Brock took his friend's hands in his. "Become a pokemon breeder, and find myself some hoes."

"And i am gonna stop stopping to help out people and pokemon in need and do what Nike' tells me to do. Just do it! Earn my badges and become a master." Ash shook his older friend's hand. "And i'm getting my old voice back too." he clears his throat. "That's better." he sighs in relief of his original voice.

"But..." Dawn was stunned.

"First i'm gonna go to Cerulean City, get my bitch and head back out." Ash threw his fist in the air. Pikachu jumped on to his shoulder.

"What about me?" Dawn asked. Ash walked up to her and planted a big wet one on her lips. "What was that all about?" she was surprised at his action.

"You're hot. I can admit that." he said, and turned around with Brock to start their new journeys. But before leaving, Brock ran back and gave Dawn a kiss as well. Afterwards he caught back up with Ash.

"Looks like it's just you and me." Paul said, who was standing beside a tree.

"Really?" Dawn asked, with a sigh of relief.

"No." then Paul disappeared into thin air.

A man in an expensive suit walks into the scene and clears his throat. "And so Team Rocket went on to start their own restaurant, Brock became a breeder and bagged himself a few chicks. Ash went to Cerulean and picked up Misty, revealing all his feelings to her...oh wait, these are the next episode's story lines. My bad." the man says, revealing himself to be the narrator.

Several cans of soda, bricks, tomatoes, and condoms are thrown at the narrator while at the same time they boo him.

"Leave me alone you nerds!" he yells angrily.

To be continued...

* * *

**July 8th, 2002 at the Warner Brother's studio lot**

A camera man films a guy with a microphone. "Today we go behind the scenes of Poke'mon and find out what it's like off camera." the guy spoke with a British accent. "The actors are starting to arrive."

Brock pulled up to the lot in his Ford truck. He got out and locked the door. "I'm a Ford truck man!" he said as he walked towards the studio. "Brock has arrived. Who will be next?" the reporter asks.

Jessie and James were next to arrive, on their Harley's in black leather jackets and pants with sunglasses on. "Hey guys." the reporter greeted them.

"Sup, fool?" James nodded and the couple walked to the studio to join Brock.

The loud noise of a helicopter close by pierced the surrounding. A chopper came down nearby at a landing zone. Misty walked out of the chopper and towards the lot.

"She likes to travel in style." the reporter notices. Then he noticed someone walking towards him. It was Ash.

"Hey Ash, where's your ride?"

"I like to walk here. I get exorcise and i save money, despite the fact i make millions of dollars." Ash explained and walked on, the camera man and reporter followed him.

Now inside the studio the actors get ready inside their dressing rooms. The reporter walks down the hall and stops at a door in particular. "This is Misty's dressing room. Imagine what it must be like for the security guards that are watching her right now with their spy cameras."

Soon everyone came out of their rooms in their character's clothes. They walked over to a couch and took out the scripts and began rehearsing. "I'm going after them! You guys stay here, k?" Ash read the line.

"Right." Misty and Brock say in unison. Then there was silence. Everyone stared at Pikachu.

"What?" Pikachu asks. "Oh. Is it my line?" he looks at the script. "Pikachu, pika!"

"Here you can see everyone rehearsing their lines for an upcoming episode. How exciting." the reporter says, sitting in a lazy boy near the couch, and eating chips.

Later on in the rehearsal. Team Rocket has used one of their machines to grab Pikachu off of Ash's shoulder. "Hey who did that?" Ash asked.

"Who else, twerp?" Jessie read her line.

"Do you think we'll get away with it in this episode?" James asked, putting the script down.

"Just read your lines." Jessie nudged him.

"Meowth that's right." Meowth skipped ahead to the end of their motto.

"I know this part by heart. Give back Pikachu!" Ash exclaimed, standing up off the couch.

"You might want to check the script." Misty pointed to the paper.

He sat back down and looked at it "What? I don't want to say that. It's stupid." Ash complained and threw the script into a fire place.

"Hey!" one of the writers ran into the room "We can't afford to print more of those. That's coming out of your salary." he told Ash.

"Look what you did Ash. Apologize." Misty got up in his face.

"Never!" Ash gritted his teeth up in her face, she did the same.

The reporter began to narrate "It appears as if these two not only fight on the show, but they fight behind the scenes too. Pure gold."

"I'll kill you!" Ash clenched his fists.

"You don't have the balls, shorty." Misty shoved him.

"Shove me again. Watch what happens." he dared her.

"I will." she shoved him again, a little too hard. He fell into the fire place.

"Ooh-hoo. Burn." Brock joked. But his joking ended as a fireplace poker/sphere pierced through his stomach and fell to the ground dead.

"That was a little extreme, Ash." Jessie says.

"Shut up, Jessie. No one likes you." Ash told her.

"At least i make more money than you." she said quietly.

"This is all your fault Misty." Ash pointed to her.

"Me? You're the one who's stupid." she pointed back.

"This is brilliant." the reporter was happy about the footage he was getting.

"This calls for a duel." Misty pulled out an AK-47 from her shorts. Ash took out a sling shot.

"Hey...this is getting a little too brilliant." the reporter realized.

Misty fired the gun at Ash, hitting him directly in the heart. He fell to the ground dead. The reporter and the camera man gasped.

"Now i'm gonna blow you all away." Misty pointed the gun at them.

"Run!" the camera man yelled and the two ran out of the studio. When they were out of sight, all the actors got up, including Brock and Ash.

"It worked." Brock pulled the poker out of his stomach, which never really went through his body.

"I knew it would." Misty put away her fake gun.

"We really hate behind the scenes crew members don't we?" Ash asked them.

"Yeah, now lets get back to rehearsal." Pikachu ordered, clapping his hands twice.

* * *

**Good Day Mate**

_(I must first warn you that this is a parody of one of my other stories, called 'Good Riddance' and if you read this first, it will probably spoil the other story. I suggest you turn back and read that one first. but if you dont want to, it's your loss, jerk! And if you do decide to read it, just know that I wrote it along time ago so the grammar sucks and I'm sure I could revise it to make it much more effective. Perhaps I'll do that one day. In the mean time here we are)_

Ash lied on his back in his bed, crying. He used his shirt to wipe his face clean of tears and looked to the door of his room, directly in front of the end of his bed.. It was wide open. It lead out to an empty and quiet hall way.

Misty appeared at the entrance of the room a few minutes later. She looked into the room, and saw Ash weeping on the bed. It brought tears to her eyes as well.

"Why did he have to go, Misty? Why?" Ash asked. She walked into the room and joined him on the bed.

"I don't know Ash. I've been asking my self the same thing since it happened." she replied.

"Do you think it's because he was too stupid?" he looked deep into her eyes.

"Well...if he died from the knife game, yeah, that is the reason." she told him.

"It's not fair. He practiced and practiced at that game. Then he has one bad day and gets him self in the heart. It's really unfortunate." he looked at his hands and covered his eyes.

"And it sucks to lose such a great person to such a dumb game." Misty wiped her eye.

"It's not a dumb game!" Ash got off the bed.

"Uh..." Misty was surprised by his anger.

"Take it back!" he yelled.

"No. it's stupid." she crossed her arms and closed her eyes in disgust.

"Take it back!" Ash poked her right arm.

"No!" she yelled back.

"What's going on in here?" Delia entered the room.

"Misty said the knife game was dumb, mommy." he tattled on his friend.

"Ash is too dumb to realize how dumb a thing the knife game is." Misty told Mrs. Ketchum.

"It is not." Ash ran out of the room crying.

"I know. But it was the whole world to him...besides pokemon training...and something else..." she said, looking down at the carpet.

"Something else?" Misty asked.

A tear fell from Delia's eye to the floor. "Yes, i think you should know something that Ash will never be able to tell you. He's just too stubborn and i can't stand the thought of you never being able to know." she took a seat next to Misty.

Ash was downstairs, crying into a pillow. "Why does Misty always have to tease me?" he sighed. "I'll show her. I'm gonna get back at her, by sticking gum to the bottom of her shoes." he laughed evilly and walked into the kitchen to get some winter fresh extra gum.

Back in Ash's room, Delia has just told Misty something very important. "Really?" Misty was surprised "I had no idea."

"I thought you should know. His love was deep." Delia wiped away some more tears.

"I don't know what to say."

"I understand it must be quite shocking." Delia walked out of the room.

Misty went from stunned to angry. She slammed the door shut and began trashing the room. She started first by emptying the trash can. Several crumpled up pieces of paper fell out. She opened them up and read gists of each, and stuffed them into her pockets.

Then she tore off the blankets and sheets off the bed. She knocked over the lamp and several more items in the room. Then she jumped out the window and took off running. She ran hard and fast. 'I wasn't sure where i was going. But i was run-ning.' Misty narrated the situation in her head.

'I ran out of town. And when i got out of town, i ran deep into the forest, and when i was deep in the forest, i ran to a river. And then i stopped.' she sat down by the river and gazed at the water fall down stream.

"This is where i first met Ash." she told he self. Behind her she heard some rustling and was startled.

"Misty." Ash jumped out of the bushes. "Boo"

Misty screamed "Ahh!"

"Ha ha. I knew i'd get you with my mask from the episode 'tower of terror." he laughed heavily. "Hey did you know they turned this into a poke'mon called Duskull?"

"What are you doing here?" Misty asked him, upset.

"I wanted to see you." he said, taking a seat next to her. And then he took off his mask.

"How did you get here so fast?" Misty asked.

"I didn't. You got here slowly." he said.

"Oh yeah, i was having trouble running because there was gum on the bottom of my shoes." she realized. Ash giggled quietly. "Though im mad at you, i might be able to forgive you." Misty told him.

"What are you talking about?" Ash was puzzled.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about." Misty glared into his eyes.

"Not really." Ash scratched his head.

"There's no time to explain. It's time to go to the funeral." Misty reminded him.

Ash looked at his watch. "Right." he nodded and the two walked back into town and to the grave yard.

The two had arrived at the cemetery, walking slowly to the grave site of the deceased person. "It's gonna be really awkward." Misty said and pulled out a blue diary from her back pack.

"Yeah it is. But it's all your fault." Ash put his hands behind his head.

"No. it's all your fault." Misty pointed at him.

"Misty!" Brock called her name. He was down the sidewalk waiting for her. "Hurry up it's starting."

"Ok!" she called back.

"Not without me." Ash reminded her.

"I know." she sighed and went to the site.

They all sat there in front of the grave. There were many many people, May, Max, the Oaks, Dawn, Brock, Iris and all of Ash's poke'mon.

Ahead of them was the tomb stone of 'Ash Ketchum.' A tear escaped Misty's eye. "Why did you do it, Misty?" Ash, who was sitting next to her asked.

She looked at him, and flashbacks played in her mind...

-A month earlier she was visiting Ash, and after getting reunited, the two were up in his room talking. "Ash, there's something i wanted to tell you."

"What up, Mist?" he smiled.

"I am in love with you. Have been for years. And you need to know how i feel." she finally admitted.

"Oh." Ash was speechless.

"How do you feel?" she asked.

"Well, Mist, i have something to tell you too. I am in love as well." he started.

She smiled.

"But with someone else." her glowing smile melted away "I'm in love with Dawn."

This angered Misty. She had done so much for Ash and been in love with him for so long. Her attempt to kill Dawn didn't work. So she decided to take her anger out on someone else...Ash. She stabbed him several times with a knife and placed him at the kitchen table, framing him for suicide.

"How bout those apples." she said, bitter.

Delia did not know that Ash told her about his love for Dawn, so she told Misty after his death, causing Misty to remember what she did and the anger she felt. So she destroyed Ash's room.-

Back in the present, Ash was no longer sitting next to Misty, as the memory her mind created to make her guilty wore away.

Later when everyone had left the grave, Misty was the only one left. She kneeled down and and took out the crumpled papers from her pockets and opened them up. They were love letters to Dawn. She tore them up and sprinkled them on his grave.

"Good day mate." she stands up. "And i mean that in a 'screw you' way." she turned and walked away...

* * *

Professor Oak stares at us with a look of shock, his jaw hanging wide open. "What the hell was that?" he asks. "Very creepy indeed. Anyways, thanks for reading the first chapter of 'Poke'Scenes.' Make sure to support the series to the end. There's plenty more stories ahead. Don't miss them. Hopefully next time there's actual decent quality to entertain you." he waves good bye to us.

"Oh Sammy, i'm waiting." Delia calls from the bathroom.

"Coming!" he runs out of the scene and down the hall.

_**I hope you enjoyed chapter one, and i hope you enjoy the chapters to come too. I promise there will be better stories ahead. Promise! I don't mean to sound desperate but it's true. In fact if you skip to chapter 6 or 7 right now you'll see what I mean. The quality and writing has gone a along way. Try it for realz. I'm not desperate! I'm not! Stop judging meeee!**_


	2. If Ash Were Gay That Would Be Ok

**Poke'Scenes**

_Since this chapter was submitted back in 2007, it has been revised in 2011: (and just a warning there are lots of gay jokes in this chapter, but I myself have nothing against gays. I support them fully. I'm just trying to demonstrate the outrageous homophobia out there with this chapter using these characters)_

in the distance we can see Professor oak sitting at the computer. He laughs and then notices us. "Come on out. I'm not looking at porn like last time. But i do need to minimize this page." he does, and we move closer to him.

"I was laughing because I received a clever email joking about Ash being gay. Oh wow." he chuckles. "Speaking of email, I've been getting a lot of f-mail." a chuckle escapes his throat once again. "Next you know I'll be getting X-mail." he bursts out laughing at his increasingly bad jokes, just like on the actual show.

"F-mail is fan mail from readers like you. I can't answer it now though. But it will all be answered later. So until then, enjoy this scene:"

* * *

**If Ash Were Gay**

Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu sit on a bench in the park, waiting for someone to show up. "So whose this Harley thing I've been hearing about?" Misty asked her denser friend to her right.

"He was some weird guy who dressed like poke'mon and this girl named May. I don't really remember. I kind of spaced out during that time." Ash smiled and put his hands on the back of his head for support.

"Oh no!" Brock stood up and held his music player up in the air. "My I pod's battery is low. And I can't stand listening to you two. I'm out of here." he took off running down the sidewalk and joined a pair of attractive female joggers.

"Pika?" Pikachu, along with the people watched as their friend ran off.

"What's his problem?" Misty asked.

"Dont know but I can't wait for Ritchie to get here." he looked at his watch. "Just a few more minutes."

"Is that so?" Misty stood up from the bench. She seemed to be upset "Well maybe Pikachu and I will go." she picked Pikachu up off the bench and walked away.

"Huh?" Ash was mightily confused. "Oh well. I don't need her. I have a guy friend coming soon. What could she possibly provide me that he can't?" he crossed his arms and nodded .

Less than a few seconds later Ash felt a tap on his shoulder. "Hey ya Ash." he was greeted by Ritchie, who stood behind him and the bench.

"Hi, Rich. What's up?" Ash got up and fist pumped his look-a-like friend. This followed with Ritchie's stupid annoying trade mark laugh.

"I got your note that you said you wanted to meet me here all by myself with no one but me here." Ash read that part of the note.

"Yeah that's right. There's something I need to talk to you about. Just YOU." Ritchie blushed.

"Is it about a new poke'mon league?" Ash asks excitedly "And a hundred new discovered poke'mon?" Ash noticed Ritchie was still blushing "What's up?"

"Oh. well...I um...want to talk to somewhere else. Somewhere more private." Ritchie managed to get out, sweat dripping down his body.

"Sure ok. But before I let my stomach growl and blush, how about we go get something to eat?" Ash smiled.

"Really?" Ritchie's blush escalated. "WOW! SURE!"

"You sound even hungrier than I do." Ash poked his friend's stomach, making him laugh. "Aww"

After the two ate dinner they walked on the beach. It was late in the evening, and the sun was about to set. "Now what?" Ash asked, kicking the sand.

"Wa-wa-wanna lie down and watch the sun set?" Ritchie nervously asked.

"Uh...ok. That sounds super." Ash dug into his back pack and pulled out a pink blanket and spread it out for them to lie on.

'O-M-G!' Ritchie thought 'This is going perfectly. We ate dinner together, we just took a stroll on the beach, and now we're about to watch the sunset on a pink blanket.'

the two lied down on the blanket and watched the sunset ahead of them. As time moved on, Ritchie scooted closer to Ash. "Well that was fun. Let's go." Ash sat up to get ready and leave.

"B-b-but no." Ritchie said.

"No? Why 'no?'" Ash questioned. Ritchie sat up with him.

"Ashy, I dont want this night to ever end." Ritchie grabbed his friend's hands.

"Me neither, but it's bed time." Ash smiled.

"Ash...i'm gay..." Ritchie finally admitted.

Ash's smile disappeared, and a look of shock was spread on his face. "Uh huh..."

"And i'm in love with you." Ritchie rubbed Ash's hands in his.

Ash pulled away from the grip. "Uhhh..." Ash wasn't sure what to say as sweat dripped down his forehead.

"Want to kiss?" Ritchie asked, hopingly and excitedly.

"No." was Ash's response.

"Why not?" he asked.

"I'll tell you why..." Ash stood up and started to sing:

_My oh my_  
_my dear old friend_  
_this wont work out_  
_we both are men_

_I like girls_  
_and the hole that they have too_  
_that is why I can't be with you_

_but if I were gay _  
_we would get to lick_  
_and if I were gay_  
_I would give you my stick_  
_and if I were gay _  
_we could hold hands_  
_but i'm not gay_  
_so get away from my ass_

Ash shoved Ritchie away from behind him and continued the song

_I get turned on_  
_when I see a curvy girl_  
_when I see a nude guy_  
_it makes me want to hurl_  
_I am extremely straight_  
_thats why I will never masturbate_

_but if I were gay_  
_we would fly high_  
_and if I were gay_  
_we would do it all night_  
_and if I were gay _  
_I would give you my love_  
_but im not gay_  
_so stop giving me a blow job_

(this song isn't completely original, it is a parody of 'if I were gay' by Stephen Lynch)

And with that Ash was done. Ritchie couldn't believe it. He thought for sure Ash was a fruit. "But you have a pink blanket." Ritchie pointed below them.

Ash chuckled. "Oh no. This is Misty's blanket. One time the two of us slept together in the sexual way and she gave it to me. By that I mean her blanket and her virginity. I got two for one that night."

Ritchie runs off crying, leaving Ash alone on the blanket "If only I was brave enough to tell him how I really feel…the only reason I let him give me a blow job for so long was because I wanted it." he admits out loud. But there's no one around to hear…

Except…

"What a scoop!" Todd pops up from behind some bushes "I got it all on tape." He runs off.

"Wait nooooo!" Ash stands there, getting ready to brace the media outburst that was surely to come in the days and weeks and months ahead.

* * *

Back inside Professor Oak's laboratory, he is no longer there. Instead, Tracy is there. "Hi everyone. Oak isn't here right now. I know i'm not as young and hip as the professor." He winks "but i'm filling in cuz he's busy on the com...oh and I know he's not young and hip" he whispers "But the professor has excellent hearing and loves to hear compliments from a-far."

"Well anyways, as promised it's time to take a look at some fan mail. They won't be answered now, but we will preview the questions and answer it at the end of the show. Here's what they are..."

"What happened to Brock during his stay with Professor Ivy?"

"Who is Ash's father?"

"What's so special about Pikachu to Team Rocket?"

"In the opening of the original poke'mon show from season one, who is the girl with the skirt that Pikachu runs under?"

Tracy finishes reading the mail. "These questions and more after the show."

* * *

**A Hot Winter Day**

_**(this story is a parody of the fic 'A Hot Summer Day' by Kristina Chang. I must warn you if you're planning on ditching this story and going to read that one that it's rated M for some lemon-lime, lemon-lime. SubLYMonol-its not really a parody of the story, just a parody of the title...so...yeah...)**_

It was a very cold winter day inside the Ketchum house during the week of Christmas. Ash, Misty, and Pikachu sat on a couch watching the television, while Brock and Delia sat on the other couch, both asleep.

"Brr. It's so cold." Misty shivered, hugging her pink blanket from the first story.

"Ya know, cuddling makes people warmer." Ash implied what they could do to get warm.

"Oh yeah?" Misty scooted closer to Ash, but he was quick to get up.

"Yeah. Professor Oak has a 'cuddling' brand heater at his lab. Let's go over there and warm up." he said, going to the front door to put a jacket on.

Misty fell to the ground anime style. She sighed and put her jacket on as well. Before leaving Ash walked down the hall to check the AC. "There's the problem. It was never even on." Ash turned it all the way. "Perfect." but as he turned to leave he slipped on a bowling ball that happened to be in the hall and he fell backwards into the AC, head first, and then to the floor.

Misty ran into the hall. "Ash, are you ok?" she ran to him, worried for him.

"I'm ok. I have a hard head remember? You tell me that all the time" he rubbed the spot on his head where the impact happened and Misty helped him on to his feet. After that the two walked out of the house with Pikachu and on to Professor Oak's lab.

A couple hours later Brock awoke in a very damp pile of sweat. "Oh man. It's so hot." he stood up from the couch. He was sweating bullets. "How did it get so hot?" he took off his green vest and wiped his forehead. Then he noticed Mrs. Ketchum, she wasn't sleeping. Her eyes were open, but she didn't look so well.

"Mrs. Ketchum are you ok?" he asked her.

"It's just so hot. I can't move." she replied.

"That's weird. It was freezing not too long ago." he walked down the hall and saw the heater. "Aw shoot."

"What's the matter?" Delia asked, coming up from behind.

"The heater is busted." Brock showed her the badly busted in AC.

"Oh no." she gasps, noticing the foot print on the bowling ball "Someone stepped on my poor bowling ball." she takes off her sweater, getting hotter by the thought of the busted heater.

"Let's go outside and cool down for a bit." Brock suggested and the two walked to the door. He opened the door, only to see white. It was snow.

"Oh my. There must have been a blizzard." Delia realized.

Brock tried digging through it but it was too thick. "Oh my god. We're trapped in a house with a broken heater!" Brock panicked.

"Now calm down, let's go to the tub and get some water running on us." Delia took him to the bathroom and then stripped down to their underwear. She turned on the water, but nothing came out.

"What gives?" Brock's sweat spread more over his body.

"Oh you know what? I forgot to pay the water bill this month." Delia nervously grinned.

"Can Mr. Mime help us out with his psychic abilities?" Brock asked.

"No. he's in hibernation."

"...Hibernation? What the farfetch!" Brock banged his head on the toilet.

"Calm down Brock. When you get angry it makes you hotter. We have to keep our emotion under check." She tells him

"Not to mention our hormones." Brock added.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Delia asked.

"Uh...nothing!" Brock's focus from Delia's body turned to the wall. He blushed.

"We have to figure out something." she walked out of the bathroom.

'Your hot-i'm heavy. Let's screw.' Brock thought in his perverted mind, or shall I say GUY mind.

Meanwhile at Professor Oak's laboratory Ash and Misty sat in Tracy's bedroom. "It's a good thing Tracy is busy down stairs answering fan mail, and Professor Oak is busy on the computer so we can have this nice warm room all to ourselves." Ash lied down on his back in Tracy's bed.

"Yeah." Misty blushed, lying down next to him. Pikachu was in between the two though.

"Now we're free to do whatever we want." Ash smiled. Misty's blushed deepened. Then Ash noticed a sign on the wall 'This room's walls are sound proof.' he read aloud. "Cool. What use could that have though?" he wondered.

Misty was bright red now. And very sweaty. 'Tell him you want him to mount you like a beast.' she thought. "Umm."

"I guess the purpose of the sound proof is so when he watches TV or listens to music he can have the volume up as loud as he wants." Ash theorized. Then he noticed a sign next to the sound proof one. 'That's right, baby!' "What could that combo mean? Hmm?" he wondered.

'Come on, Ash. Take a hint and (bleep) me!' Misty thinks in her horny mind.

"What ya thinking about, Mist?" Ash turned on his side and looked into her eyes.

She quickly responded "You."

"Me? Really?" Ash smiled.

'Yes! He's happy.' Misty was going crazy in her mind.

"I'm thinking about my mom."

Misty's smile and happiness evaporated. She couldn't believe what he just said. "Your mom?"

"Yeah. I'm worried about her being home alone with Brock. What if something happens?" Ash

Misty was relieved at his explanation, but she didn't really care though. She just wanted him there and now. "Forget about it. She'll be fine."

"I dont think so. I have to find out if she's ok." Ash got off the bed and gathered himself up.

"Err." Misty couldn't believe how dumb he was.

"By the was Misty." Ash started and leaned in and whispered "You know what we would have done if Pikachu wasn't here right?"

Misty shook her head.

"We would have watched 'Hostel.' Pikachu is too impressionable to see that movie." Ash put his coat on and walked out the door with his poke'pal.

Misty just glared and followed after a few seconds.

As they all ran back to the Ketchum residence, Ash saw visions from the past, almost like a flashback.

The vision depicted Ash and Brock sitting back at the house on the couch. Brock leaned into his little buddy and whispered. "Dude, your mom is so hot." then he chuckled. But Ash's reaction was priceless. The look on his face was of total shock and surprise. He looked like he had just seen the ending of The Sixth Sense, all the Saw movies, Fight Club, The Usual Suspects, Unbreakable, Scream, and The Lion King all at once.

Ash snapped out of the memory and concentrated on running. The trio reached the house, only to find the door blocked by a heavy hill of snow. "I'm coming mom. Help me move this snow, Misty and Pikachu." Ash ordered, and the three began getting rid of it with shovels and other tools.

After quite some time, the snow was finally out of the way. They ran inside, Ash the fastest, and stopped in the living room to find Brock and Ms. Ketchum lying on the floor, almost passed out. "Brock! What did you do to my mom?" Ash ran over and took Brock by the hold of the front of his loose skin. "Ahh!" he backed away.

Brock and Delia noticed the door was open. The got off the floor, ran outside, and dove into the snow head first. A huge sigh of relief was heard by Ash and Misty from outside.

"Why is it so hot in here?" Misty asked, now starting to sweat.

"I don't know. I'll go check." Ash walked back to the spot where he hit his head and noticed the AC was busted in. he looked around and noticed the bowling ball. "That should work." he picked up the ball and smashed the AC with it. Seconds following, the heat went off. Then he threw the ball aside and walked back into the living room to Misty.

"So now what?" Misty asked.

"Uh...hold that thought." Ash kneeled down to Pikachu and whispered "Go play in the snow."

"Pika?" Pikachu's ears tensed, he shrugged his shoulders and did as told, joining the half-naked ones outside. Ash locked the door after the poke'mon exited the house.

"What did you say to Pikachu?" Misty asked.

"I told him that we're gonna go play a hot round in my bedroom." he raised his eyebrows a few times.

Misty's expression was just like that of all the times she got the romantic feeling on the poke'mon show. She grabbed Ash's hand, and pulled him upstairs to his room and locked the door behind after a slam.

It was only a mere few minutes later before Brock and Delia were the opposite of what they had been. The two were freezing, and stuck in the snow. "Why is this happening to us?" Delia asked.

"Maybe it's a sign." Brock thought.

"What kind of a sign?"

"The sign that I shouldn't try to tap you. That was my goal during this stay. Now that all this has happened, I know I should stay away from you." Brock told her.

"Oh honey, you wouldn't have had a chance in the world." Delia laughed.

"Hey I got you in your underwear didn't I?" Brock said proudly.

"You are too cute." she took her hand out of the snow and rubbed the top of his head.

"At least Ash is getting some." Brock let his head fall forward into the snow, not far forward, as he was buried up to his neck in snow.

Meanwhile inside, behind the locked door of Ash's room...he and Misty are sitting across from each other at his bed. The bed is a mess, there's a deck of poker cards spread out. "It's your move, Mist." he told her, while looking at his cards.

"Go fish." Misty said.

"What do you have?" Ash asked.

"No. 'go fish' it's what my sisters told me to do before I met you. I obviously made a horrible mistake." she shoved her cards forward, and fell to the ground.

Ash reached over and took her hand(of cards) and looked at what she had. "I fold." he said.

* * *

**Everything She Wants**

The classic Pokémon walk theme played as Ash, Misty, Brock, and Pikachu continued on their way through a town. They eventually stopped at a Pokémon center to take a break and heal their pocket monsters.

Ash and Misty sat in the waiting room talking, while Brock stood at the desk hitting on Nurse Joy. "I told you last time, Brock. I'm a lesbian." she said as she typed on her computer.

"That's ok. Just find me a bi girl and we can arrange things based on that." Brock winked at her.

"No." she walked away.

"So I said to Harley 'you look like a Cac-TURD!' Ash said, making Misty and himself laugh. "you know instead of Cacturne. The poke'mon…cause he was dressed as one." He explains his joke.

"I wish I could have been there to see it."

"Me too." Ash smiled. He had always liked Misty, more so than any of his other friends. He thought of her as more than JUST a friend. He thought of her as several things: eye candy, a coach, special connection, and a sex object, but never as JUST a friend.

"Ash there's something I need to tell you." Misty started. Ash felt nervous and scared. She sounded so serious. Misty looked around at the people in the center. "But not here. Somewhere in private."

Ash nodded.

"Hi, Misty." the greeting came from a young man with brown hair. A familiar young man with brown hair.

Misty gasped. "Familiar person?" Misty asked.

"It's me, Misty. Giorgio." he reminded her.

"Oh yeah, that one guy..." Misty didn't really remember him.

"I just want to say once again that you are the most beautiful girl in the world." he blushed, much like he had the first time he told her.

"Oh yeah. You." Misty remembered him "I thought you were dating Kacey."

"I was. But we had a disagreement. She didn't think Barry Bonds should break the all-time homerun record. But I did. Even before he was 'on steroids' he won three MVP awards with eight gold gloves, and he has over five hundred stolen bases. Oh and he's never failed a drug test, people often forget." he explained.

"I don't want to hear your baseball talk." Misty stuck a 'talk to the hand' out there. "and besides he's totally guilty."

"Sorry. Anyways, what ya doin?" he asked

"Hanging out with my friend here." she pointed to Ash.

"How about we talk about basketball? Kacey also didn't think that Lebron James could be compared to Michael Jordan just because he has much less experience and no championships." he went on and on.

"I don't want to talk about it. I'm busy." Misty waved him off.

"How about the NFL and NBA lockouts?" Giorgio continued blabbering on and on about sport's topics.

"Bye, George." Misty waved.

"All right." he walked off, depressed.

"That guy must really like you." Ash had observed.

"He's just a horn dog like all males. But it's not your fault. It's hormones." she sighed.

"And how is it that Vancouver lost the Stanley Cup?" they heard Giorgio ask from off in the distance.

About half an hour later, Brock had joined the two, plus Pikachu in the waiting room. They all sat there, talking about good times. But their conversation was cut short when two men walked into the room. Both were familiar.

"Oh no." Misty was extremely disappointed.

"Misty?" the two men asked.

"Hi...Danny and Rudy." she greeted with a depressing tone.

"You got older!" Rudy shouted, looking her body up and down, despite her sitting down.

"It's legal for us to be together now." Danny said.

"Buzz off you two." she turned her head.

"Come on Misty. We'll do anything to be with you." Rudy took her hand.

Danny came and took her other hand "We'll even be with you at the same time."

"Whoa-whoa. I didn't agree to that." Rudy glared at the bigger guy.

Next to Misty was a jealous Ash, part of his hair was moving like it was on fire, very much the same way Misty's hair did when Melody kissed him in the second movie. "Err."

Danny and Rudy noticed he looked upset. "Are you her little sister?" Danny asked him.

"I am not!" he yelled.

"No-no. That's the lucky guy." Rudy glared at Ash. Ash glared back.

"I still don't know what you mean by that!" Ash said, still glaring.

"I SAID...you'll find out some day!" Rudy replied, also still glaring

"Misty. These guys sound perfect for you." Brock said "Why would you not want to be with them?"

"I don't know!" Misty screamed and got up "Just leave me alone." she ran out of the room crying.

_Somewhere there's speaking  
It's already coming in  
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind  
You never could get it  
Unless you were fed it  
Now you're here and you don't know why _

Misty walked down the street, her head lowered, the bangs covering her sad eyes. "How could this happen? After all the adventures I've had. No one even seems to care that I have such difficult decisions to make. And the worst part is...no one's sad about it either." she said as she hugged herself.

_But under skinned knees and the skid marks  
Past the places where you used to learn  
You howl and listen  
Listen and wait for the  
Echoes of angels who won't return_

_He's everything you want  
He's everything you need  
He's everything inside of you  
That you wish you could be  
He says all the right things  
At exactly the right time  
But he means nothing to you  
And you don't know why _

She continued walking till she was in a park. "It looks kind of like the one we were waiting at for Ritchie earlier." she noticed. After that she sat on the bench.

_You're waiting for someone  
To put you together  
You're waiting for someone to push you away  
There's always another wound to discover  
There's always something more you wish he'd say_

_He's everything you want  
He's everything you need  
He's everything inside of you  
That you wish you could be  
He says all the right things  
At exactly the right time  
But he means nothing to you  
And you don't know why _('Everything She Wants' by Vertical Horizon)

Misty sat at the bench, still depressed. She felt like the loneliest person in the world.

"Misty!" she turned to see Ash running toward her, along with Pikachu, Brock, Rudy, Danny, and Giorgio.

"Oh great. Here comes the Testosterone squad." she glared as they came running up to her.

"Misty, don't worry i'm here." Ash sat down beside her.

"I don't care, Ash. I'm not concerned with you." she scooted away. "The thing I wanted to tell you can now be told. Everyone needs to know this."

everyone stared right at her, waiting the news she was about to deploy. "You can't be with all of us in the same room though. I don't swing that way." Brock said.

"What I am about to say will shock you all...I am a lesbian."

everyone's jaws dropped. "NOOOOO!" they all shouted in unison "CHUUUUU!" pikachu

"But you're so hot." Rudy said.

"I"m sorry it's just the way I am." Misty turned her head away.

Out from behind a tree came Nurse Joy from the pokemon center. "Are you ready for our date, Misty?"

"Wha?" Brock couldn't believe it, along with the other guys.

"Sorry, boys. But I like myself some Vadge." Mist apologized and walked off hand in hand with Joy.

The guys all watched as they left. "I'm setting up a spy cam in whatever room they stay in." Danny said, and everyone walked off to their own thing, except for Ash and Pikachu.

"The love of my life is gone. And I can't go to May or Dawn because they told me they're lesbians too. And Melody went to Hollywood. And Macey is ugly." Ash sighed.

"Pika pika pikachu. Pika pi." Pikachu said seductively.

Ash looked down the path both ways before turning his attention back to Pikachu. He picked up the electric mouse and smooched him. "Let's go back to my sleeping bag and…sleep." Ash winked.

"Pi?" Pikachu was confused, but Ash had already picked him up and started walking to the site of the sleeping bag. He looked worried and feared for what might happen next.

* * *

To be continued...

"Ooh I love twists." Tracy was excited over the ending to the story. But... "But I know you guys didn't care for it too much. But twists are great to have. Write that down in your note book. Watch. I will." he does as he said he would.

"Oh I said i'd answer some fan mail right? Well guess what? That will not happen today. All of that fan mail is too personal. And if I told you the answers it would ruin what you think about pokemon and you'll never read a fanfic ever again will you. Especially this one. So we're gonna wait till our last episode to do the reveal. That way we can ruin everyone else's writing career on the net."

"But hey, you reviewers out there. Don't be shy to review first of all, but don't be shy to ask some questions about poke'mon that you want to know, we read all fan mail on this show, besides today's. But ask something and Professor Oak and myself will answer it. And if we don't know, we will scout it out. Until next time, i'm Tracy Sketchit and this has been another episode of 'Poke-Scenes.'"

_**I hope you enjoyed. And Tracy is serious. Send in your fan mail, it could be ridiculous questions about the show(pokemon or poke'scenes, etc.-even stuff that doesn't have to do with the show. It could be about sports, movies, you name it.) Oak will answer. See ya!**_


	3. Horrybull Conclusions

**Poke'Scenes**

_I'm fairly satisfied with the amount of reviews for this story. Even more satisfied with what people said in their reviews like 'the best pokemon comedy fic out there.' But not too many reviewed chapter two so I have no idea how it was. Well I decided to continue the fic anyways. Also, fan mail will be answered(since no one sent me any, I had to get questions from my sisters. How embarasing.)_

Professor Oak sits in a large living room of his half lab-half home. He was watching television on a 61 inch flat screen. "Trigun. The best anime ever." he smiles and then notices the camera crew to his right "Oh!" he quickly turns the channel to pokemon. "I trust you enjoyed the previous two episodes? Well too bad, we're continuing anyways. We have a few new stories to show you, and some fan mail to answer. Oh and as a request by one of our viewers, Brendan will guest star in this episode. Sit back and enjoy." as the scene shifts to the first story by fading out black here, we can see the professor change the channel back to Trigun.

**World's Greatest Poke'mon Player**

In a very small apartment, sits Brock in a living room/dining room/kitchen/bathroom. He was playing 'Pokemon Snap' for Nintendo 64. "Snap-snap-snap! Thow and apple." he narrated what he did in the game as he played.

The door to the lone bedroom opened and out came a blonde girl in a skimpy outfit and a shirtless/pantless Ash. Don't worry, he's wearing boxers, otherwise this would be an M fic. "I had a lot of fun, Ash." she told him.

"Me too." he lead her to the door and she walked out.

She turned around and asked "Will you call me later?"

"Sure." Ash slammed the door and walked towards the couch Brock sat on.

"Ash? That was your second girl this week."

"No it wasn't. Your imagining things, Brocko." he joined Brock on the couch.

"I could of sworn you were with a blue haired chick a few days ago." Brock thought

"Nope. You must have ben dreaming. Probably the small apartment getting to your head."

"Maybe." Brock continued playing the game "But if you are horning around, I have a lot of condoms I'm not using if you need them."

"Thanks, man." the two fist pumped eachother. "You know what we should start doing?" he snapped his fingers.

"Real jobs?" Brock asked.

"No. On Scrubs, Turk and JD got miniature dongs that they donged after they've scored with a girl. We should do something like that." Ash suggested

"We do. It's called texting."

"Something cooler." Ash countered, and then pikachu came and jumped on to Ash's lap. "Pika." he pet pikachu.

The conversation they were havng was interupted when a knock at the door to the beat of 'smoke on the water' was heard. Ash got up to go answer it. He opened the door to see May standing there. "Hi, Ash." she greeted him with a smile.

"Hey, May. Come in." he invited her in and she walked through the open door to see the big mess. There were Playboy magazines all over the floor, stained news paper stacks in several different locations, likely soaking up spills on the carpet. There were dozens of pencils, pens, and sharpies stuck in the ceiling, boxers on every ledge, some pairs of panties hanging on the door knob, and Transformer's action figures on the kitchen counter.

"Yikes. Sure is messy." 'damn. Did i just say that out loud? Blush.' she thought and blushed.

"This is a guy's apartment, of course it's gonna look like trash. Now come to my room." he took her hand and walked her down the short hallway.

"OUR room, Ash. Our room." Brock corrected him.

"Hold on a sec. I thought we were going to dinner." May pulled away from him.

'Damn it. Crap. Son of a bitch.' he thought and faked a smile. "Great. Let's go." he said through his fake gritted teeth smile. He picked up a pair of pants and a shirt off the ground and put them on. Then he started searching through the many pairs of pants littered on the carpet, until he finally found his wallet. "See ya later, Brocko." Ash saluted him

"Bye." May waved.

"Bring back left overs!" Brock yelled as the door slammed.

About half an hour later, Ash and May got off the city bus and walked along the sidewalk to the restaurant. May took Ash's hand in hers as they walked. "On the road to a Viridian restaurant. Meet some babes along the way." he mumble singed as they walked.

They eventually made it to the restaurant that Ash could afford. "Well here we are, Burger Queen." the two walked into the fast food joint and ordered their food. Twenty minutes later they were deep into a conversation, sitting across from each other at a table.

"Well anyways, that's the best I can describe the way I look simpsonized. Have you done it yet?" Ash asked, a question mark appearing over his head.

"No. I wanted to though."

to the table next to them, sat Brendan, who made an appearance in a pokemon chronicles episode, and is the character you play in the game boy games, silver, gold and cystal.

meanwhile, three girls walked into the building, one had blue hair, with a shot skirt, another one was a brunette with pig tails, the other with red hair and a pony tail to the side.

"Your lying." the red head shoved her index finger into the blue haired girl's chest.

Ash chuckled. "Cool. She touched her boobs."

"Isn't that Misty...and two girls i've never seen before?" May asked.

"Your the one whose full of it bitch." Dawn, the blue haired girl shoved Misty back.

Meanwhile the brunette came over to Ash and May. "Hi, Ash. Remember me?"

"Uh...no."

"It's me, Macy. Remember our date a couple weeks ago? I'm still at a loss for words that you took me to Macy's as a date because that's my name." she sighed a dreamy sigh.

"But, that's not a restaurant." May said.

"Stay out of this, gangster." Macy angrily told her.

"Gangster?" May asked.

"Your wearing a bandanna." Macy pointed out. "Oh." May realized.

Misty and Dawn joined them at the table. "Hey Ash!" Misty yelled.

"Hi, Misty. What up?" Ash asked, holding his fist out to greet her.

"I am not ever gonna fist pump you again unless you tell me you love me." Misty crossed her arms and turned away.

"Oh...well then how about you, Dawny." he moved his fist over for Dawn. She sighed and lightly bumped knuckles with his.

"Look, Ash. Misty says that you said that you loved her. But that can't be true because you told me you loved me. Tell her she's crazy, Ash. Tell her." Dawn said, now sitting beside him, and rubbing her body against his.

"Wow. You have four girls? That sucks, unless you got to sleep with all of them." Brendan said.

"Stay out of this!" Macy yelled, and Brendan went back to eating his whopper.

May was not enjoying this one bit, along with Macy and Misty. "Could you guys do this at another time, say like when he's not on a date?" May asked, ticked off.

"No way!" the three girls exclaimed in unison. "He's cheating on me right now!" Dawn screamed.

"No! He's cheating on me!" Misty screamed in Dawn's face, the two both gritting their teeth up close to eachother.

'kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss.' Ash crossed his fingers as he thought the 'kiss' in his mind.

"Your both wrong. He's cheating one me." Macy sat on the other side of Ash and took his arm.

"Girs-girls." Ash stood up and put his hands out "You're ALL right."

"What?" May asked, upset.

Ash leaned down to May and whispered "Don't worry. I'm just saying that. They're crazy."

"Ash you told me you love me." Dawn said, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"But you told me you love ME!" Macy pulled on his left arm.

"None of that is true. Ash, you told me a week ago that you never felt the way you felt about a person, the way you feel about me." Misty said, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Uh-uh..." Ash looked around the room, trying to find a way out, then his eye spotted several ketchup packets on his table. He leaned down and gripped them in his right hand. "May! Run!" he squeezed the packets and they exploded all over the girls. While they tried getting it off of them, Ash and May took off running out of the building and down the street.

"Hurry. That wont hold them for long." Ash said as they ran.

Eventually they made it back to the apartment. "I'm sorry about earlier, May. But those girls think that just because I went on a date with them that I love them."

May just stood there glaring at him in front of his apartment door "I find that hard to believe."

"It's true. In fact I only dated one of them more than once, and never slept with any of them." Ash sighed "Guess you dont believe me though. Those girls are ruining my life."

May turned from angry to sad. She frowned, and took Ash's hand in hers. "I believe you."

he looked into her eyes. "Good. Because i'm really starting to like you. I've never felt any way about a person, the way I feel about you."

"Aww, well let's go inside."

Ash opened the door to a room mate empty apartment. "So what do you want to-"

May jumped him, hugging him hard, and kissing him harder. Ash kissed and hugged back. He lead her to his and Brock's bedroom and on to the lone bed. The two removed eachother's clothing as they made out.

Pikachu leapt off the bed, and exited the room, shutting the door behind him. "Pi." (translationg: ew)

in the morning, Ash laid there next to a sleeping May, his arms crossed behind his head, and a smile on his lips. Then he reached for a miniature dong and donged it.

"Way to go man!" Brock shouted through the wall.

"Huh?" May awoke and sat straight up in bed "What's going on?"

"Nothing." he turned to his side and kissed her on the cheek. "Wanna go again?" he raised his eyebrows up and down several times.

"I can't. I have to get ready for work." she yawned and stretched, then got out of bed to gather her clothes up. Ash watched her as she wrapped the clothes around her and walked out of the room to the bathroom.

Minutes later Ash walked out of the room in his Family Guy boxers, portraying Quagmire on them. "I see you like the birthday present I got you." Brock said, as he stared at his boxers.

"And I see that your gay." Ash sat on the couch with Brock.

"No, uh, the reason I was looking there is because that's the only place where your wearing clothes. If i looked elsewhere, i'd see your skin." Brock explained.

"Oh, all right then." Ash and Brock fist pumped eachother. "But then again, Quagmire is right where my cock-a-doodle-do is."

"So how was May?"

"She was tight." Ash replied "Pretty sure she WAS a virgin. And I used a condom, just like you told me too."

"Good."

then there were three angry knocks at the door. "That's probably the land lord." Ash answered the door to see three girls. "Ahh! Misty, Macy, and Dawn?"

the three pushed him out of the way and marched in. "Hey girls, looking for a boyfriend?" Brock charmingly asked.

"We have more than a boyfriend now!" Misty yelled.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Ash asked.

"Your the father of all three of our babies." Dawn said. Ash's eyes grew two times the already big size they were.

"Each of us just took a pregnancy test. And we're all pregnant." Macy said, holding out her blue positive test result, along with Misty and Dawn.

"That doesn't prove anything. You all probably slept with a different guy." Ash crossed his arms, not too worried about it.

"Oh yeah? Then how do you explain this?" Misty handed him three sheets of paper.

"Blah-blah-blah." Ash read the papers, only to find that they said he was the biological father of each baby. "Noooooo!" he screamed, throwing the papers in the air. "But i'm too young to care about anyone else."

"You dont have to care for them." Dawn said.

"I don't?" Ash asked, with a smile.

"You just have to pay child support." Macy said, evily.

"Oh all right then." Ash picked up an old cup of half empty coffee and resumed his sitting arrangement on the couch with Brock.

"How are we gonna pay rent?" Brock whispered to his friend.

"I'll just move back in with my mom." he replied.

"Sounds good to me." Brock fist pumped his friend, and took the remote and turned on the TV, Trigun was on.

* * *

Sitting in a comforter, is a young man in his late teens. He's dressed in all black. His hat displayed the Arizona Cardinal's logo, his shirt said 'Fight Club' on the front, and his shorts said 'NBA' on the side. He was crying, his hands to his face. 

Professor Oak walked into the room. "Huh? Neo Namco, what's the matter?" he asked him.

The depressed writer looked up to the old guy, then he burried his face back in his hands and continued crying.

"Are you upset about the amount of reviews?" Oak asked him.

"No." Neo looked up and wiped his tears away. "It's because the next skit is emotional for me."

"Oh...right." Oak approached Namco, and sat by his side "Well...we're gonna do it anyways. Play!" he shouted, Namco cried harder, and the next skit started:

* * *

**Horry-bull Conspiracy**

_(based on true events)_

_(This one is written for my love of sports and for the readers out there that love sports)_

Ash, Misty, Pikachu, and Brock sat on a couch in the Ketchum residence in Pallet Town. They were watching an NBA playoff game between the San Antonio Spurs and Phoenix Suns. The game was being played in San Antonio, Texas. It was late in the game, in the final minute of the fourth quarter, in fact there was just under twenty seconds remaining.

Phoenix led by three points, 100-97 and the Spurs had posession, coming out of a time out. "Come on Suns. If you keep them from scoring here it's yours." Brock said, wearing an orange Nash jersey and a bandage across his nose with the number 13 in the middle of it.

Shooting guard, Manu Ginobli for SA had the ball, he took it inside for a lay up but missed. Brock jumped off the couch at that moment "Yes!"

Steve Nash had the ball, he dribbled it around the Spur's Michael Finley and up the court till he was in between his team's bench and the half court line. There stood the enemy's Robert Horry. Nash was close to the out of bounds line, but Horry had no intention of letting him get by.

So he threw his shoulder into the body of Steve, sending him flying into the wall of the scorers' table. Ash and Misty both gasped and stood up from the couch. "Oh my god." Misty said quietly, stunned at what just happened. Steve hit the wall and the ground hard, and lay motionless for a few seconds before getting up to go charge Rob.

His team mate, Raja Bell had already gotten in the face of Horry, and the two were shoving eachother, the other players were trying to sepperate them.

"Stoudemire was right. They are a dirty team." Brock shook his head in disgust.

A technical foul was charged to Bell, and two were charged to Horry, meaning he was ejected from the game. "I'm sure he will get some kind of suspension." the broadcaster said.

"Hell yeah he better." Brock was seated just a couple feet in front of the television now. Ash and Misty remained on the couch.

"The question is, did anyone come off the bench during this melee?" the broadcaster asked, while the replay footage played. Two Sun's players did sort of leave the bench area as the event happened, one of them stepped about a foot away, while the other one, Stoudemire, stepped a little farther, but just took one foot on to the court.

"You see there that Boris Diaw and Amar'e Stoudemire did step away from the bench, and now Phoenix has to be worried about possible suspensions if the NBA felt they were trying to join the fight. That is a rule if players step away from the bench during this type of event." the broadcaster said.

"No. they were just reacting, they're emotional, it's the play offs, and one of their team mates just got knocked out. No way." Brock said. The Suns won 104-98 to even up a physical series at 2-2. But the next morning...

Brock sat at the kitchen table, reading the paper. He flipped to the sport's page and saw it... Amar'e Stoudemire and Boris Diaw were being suspended for game five. "What?! They're suspending them just because they aren't robots and aren't allowed to react?!" Brock yelled.

Ash and Misty ran into the kitchen. "What's going on? Is someone in the house?" Ash asked, in his PJ's.

"No. Stat and 3-D are being suspended for game five." Brock showed them the paper.

"Oh. Next time don't scare us like that." Misty put her hand to her heart.

"Excuse me?" Brock stood up "But this is scary. Sports is everything, and if you don't think this is big, then you are a fool! You hear me?!" Brock yelled in her ear.

"Yeah, stop shouting." she stuck a finger in her right ear and twisted back and fourth.

"Damn the commisioner David Stern, maybe Mark Cuban is right, there is a conspiracy in the NBA." Brock rubbed his chin.

"Oh Brock, there's no such things as conspiracies. It's just superstition." Ash opened the fridge to get a coke "You dont believe that the government is keeping aliens concealed do you?" Ash asked while he stood there drinking a coca cola. In the fridge a little green man stood on the middle shelf, with a glowing green probe. He drooled heavily.

Ash slammed the fridge door shut and sat down at the table. "This tastes kind of probe-y...eh, oh well." he continued drinking it.

"I'm gonna get to the bottom of this. Because I believe that these conspiracies are happening in not just the NBA, but all sports. Not to mention the government too." Brock said, getting out a sharpie and circling things in the paper.

The X-files them played (if you dont know it, just search it on youtube)

It was several months after the Spurs won the series four games to two, including game five in which Phoenix was missing two players. In that game Phoenix led for 42 straight minute out of 48 before the final few, the Spurs won it by three, and the next one by six. Perhaps with one of the league's best players available in that game, they might(would have) won it.

Brock was headed out to prove a conspiracy existed. He arrived at a train station with his back pack and waited for the train. Eventually one pulled up, and the conductor shouted out his window "On aboard! hahahahahahahaha!"

Brock raised an eyebrow and got on to the train. The song 'crazy train' by Ozzy Osbourne played as he rode it.

_Crazy, but thats how it goes_

Brock sat next to a young guy on the train. "Hey, I'm Brendan." he offered to shake Brock's hand.

"I don't care." Brock ignored him.

The crazy train ride finally came to a hault in in San Antonio. After visiting the alamo, Brock headed to the AT and T Center where the Spurs play. "Time to put my plan into action." he said, and entered the non-security guarded arena.

He walked through and on to the court, where he saw all the players in practice. He watched from a distance as they all played. He saw Tim Duncan at the free throw line, Tony Parker talking it up with Ginobli, and the evil 'cheap shot bob' AKA Robert Horry sitting on the bench.

Soon, Brock was spotted by head coach Greg Popovich. "Hey you there, are you here to try out for the team?"

"Sure am, pops." Brock slowly walked out on to the court, all the players turned their heads to watch him, and stopped shooting.

"Here's the deal. We're gonna clear out one side of the court and your gonna show us what you got." Pop told him.

"All righty then." Brock took off his shirt and pants, so he could get into his basketball gear.

Tony Parker smiled, and his eyes were big. "Tony!" Eva Longoria, his wife shouted from her seat. "I had no idea!" she started to sob "Well ok, I did have an idea." she ran out of the arena, several men chasing her.

Brock got into his black gym shorts, and wore a Chicago Bull's Michael Jordan jersey, and a red sweat band around his head. "Let's do this thang." he said, picking up a ball and running to his side of the court, but not before slipping in a puddle of sweat.

The entire Spur's team burst out laughing after he hit the floor. "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" Duncan shouted.

Brock got him self up and resumed. He dribbled the ball extremely well, in between the legs, and around his body.

_I want to fly like an eagle  
To the sea  
Fly like an eagle  
Let my spirit carry me_

He had excellent agility, and shot the ball well, making most of his shots ranging from lay ups, fifteen footers, three pointers, turn around jumpers, and hook shots.  
_I want to fly like an eagle  
Till i'm free  
Oh, lord, through the revolution_ ('Fly Like an Eagle' by The Steve Miller Band)

Brock walked up and "Whoo-hoo-hoo!" right in the face of Duncan.

"I wish he would get in my face." Parker said in his French accent.

"All right, sign him up." Pop said, and it was done.

That night in a hotel room, Brock sat on the bed, ready to unveil the conspiracy as time moved on. "By playing with the Spurs, i'll get an up close in person look see at how everything comes together. He he he." he grinned evily.

A month later, the NBA season started. Brock got little to none playing time, since he never played basketball at the professional level before. But that wasn't the point of his mission. He wanted to find out of there was cheating going on.

The middle of the season was here now, Brock sat at a desk in his million dollar home(that he bought with all the money he got from his contract) writing in a journal. "So far, there are no signs of any kind of cheating. Perhaps there isn't a conspiracy, or maybe i'm not looking hard enough."

fastforward in the year to the final game of the regular season. It was against the Dallas Mavericks in San Antonio, both teams with a record of 61-20 and both needing a win to take the division.

The game was just about to begin, Tim Duncan hugged the basketball in his arms, his traditional...thing that he does before every game he plays. The Spur's mascot, which is a coyote, drove a black and grey motorcycle around the arena with a flag that read 'go spurs go.'

NBA commisioner, David Stern was on hand, and down on the court with the referees and coaches. He shook hands with the coaches, Mav's Avery Johnson, and Greg Popovich. He also shook hands with the refs.

Johnson left the group and retrieved to his bench, while Stern shook hands with another ref, then that ref shook hands with Popvich. "I dont want any cheap shots in this game and everyone stays on the bench during a brawl." the ref with the number 0 on his uniform said.

Meanwhile, the Mav's Dirk Nowitzki was holding the basketball in his arms and hugged it like Duncan did. But the Spur's coyote mascot noticed this and charged him with the motorcycle, colliding with the seven footer, and knocking him to the ground. The arena cheered at the dirty play. Brock watched with curiosity. "Hmm..."

Dirk would have to be removed from the court do to a leg injury he substained. That meant Dallas would be without the league's 07 MVP award winner. As a result they did not fare well. But despite not having good shots, their defense was superb, keeping the Spurs below 40 field goal percentage, now in the fourth quarter.

Both teams were tied at 79 with under a minute to play. Spurs with the ball. Both benches stood, along with the entire arena. 'Go Spurs go.' Brock thought, now a fan of his team, since he's been apart of it for 7 months.

Tony Parker had the ball and drove it up the middle to the basket, he went in untouched and got the lay up to put his team up by two. but...the whistle blew. The ref with the number 0 on his uniform called a reaching in foul on Josh Howard.

"What?! I didn't even touch him!" he yelled in the ref's face.

"That's not what i saw." he replied. Parker made the free throw, blooming the lead to an extra point.

"That was a bad call." Brock said, the bench all nodded in response, though the call helped them.

Five seconds remained, the ball was inbound to Jason Terry who shot from behind the arc and bricked it. The game ended and San Antonio won the division.

Brock and his team mates ran on to the court to congradulate the rest of their team members. "That game looked pretty clean to me, just as all games this year. Nothing crazy at all." Brock said, his arms crossed, with a smile.

The referee sporting the number 0 walked over to Popovich and shook his hand, then he left. On the back of his shirt, the name was... 'NOT Donaghy.' he had an evil smirk.

David Stern caught up with him and the two walked together, hand in hand to collect their money.

(and now this:)

every time I look at the TV, i see things that really make me flip

like when a moose crashes a car into a guy named after a cerial, Coco Crisp

you also cant forget about the time Horry knocked out Nash

or when David Beckham wastes Los Angele's cash

_how can A-rod not be accused of taking steroids yet?_

_Pete Rose and Tim Donaghy are willing to bet_

_Congrats Tom Glavine on your 300th win_

_and to Vick congrats on another dog fight win_

_Bud Selig doesn't want to attend Bond's games because he's mad_

_Barry's daughter is there and on her cheek it says 'pitch to my dad'_

_Took him two weeks to get to number seven fity five_

_finally gets seven fity six while i'm still alive_

(chorus)

_Oh yeah! This story had nothing to do with pokemon!_

_Everybody shout out 'this was wrong'_

_everybody shout out 'this was wrong'_

_'this was wrong'_

_oh yeah!_ (lyrics written by Neo Namco, desired performer, Aerosmith)

* * *

Back in the lab, Professor Oak holds a crying and shaking Neo Namco. "There, there. You'll get over everything that just happened in the story we just saw." 

"I hope so. It was a pretty horrible story." Namco wiped his eye.

"I know. I know." Oak rubbed Namco's head. Then he got up and dropped the writer on the ground. "Time to read some fan mail. This one is from newtracy21."

- "Dear, Poke' Scenes. I am a huge Tracy fan. But I always hear from others in blogs, that they dont like him. I even contacted Ted Lewis, the actor that plays him, and he doesn't like him either. I was wondering how your readers felt about him." -

"Ah, I'd like to know the same thing. So this will be a poll, please let me and newtracy21 know how you feel about the Tracy character in your review." Oak tells you.

"Now, let's get on to the next sketch." he burst out laughing. "It's funny cuz it's a pun. But you'll have to wait till you read the following story to get it." he starts laughing again. "Who writes this stuff? It's kind of good."

* * *

**Drawin' Together**

Filling in for the usual narrator played by Ken Gates who is sick, today Tracy will play him. "Today, our heroes have stopped in Pallet Town on their way to where ever they're going next."

Ash, pikachu, and Misty sat on the couch in front of the television, watching some old pokemon battle from a past championship tournament.

Ash's mother and Brock sat in the next room, which was the kitchen. They were swapping cooking recipes, and comparing aprons.

"See Misty, I don't have to train at all. I can just sit here and gain experience from watching TV." Ash stretched his arms out and placed them behind his head.

"It's no where near the same thing, Ash." Misty turned to him with a look of dissapointment, realizing that he was in deed becoming very lazy ever since they stopped at his house.

"Sure it is. I learn the strategies of the trainers on TV, and I take what I learn and apply them to my own battles. Without ever having to leave the house."

"But your pokemon aren't getting experience. You can't just expect them to wing it in battle. That would be like asking an actor to go into the next scene without rehearsing his lines." Misty told him.

"So? Chirs Tucker does it all the time." Ash argued.

"That's different. You have to understand that your pokemon need training. Don't you understand?" she turned off the television with the remote and turned to him.

"All right! That's it!" Ash yelled and stood up. Misty had a look of fear on her face, in her eyes. Brock and Delia heard the argument and appeared from the kitchen. "It's one thing to tell me how to do things. It's another to turn off a TV i'm watching in MY house!"

"I just dont want you to get fat and lazy. Do you want to end up like an American?" Misty asked, now standing up her self.

"I knew I should have made that pop corn." Brock said away from the heated arguement, his head lowered.

"Your comparing me to those fat, slobby, bastards? How dare you ya little scrawny brat!" Ash yelled in her face.

Misty's eyes welled up with tears. She couldn't believe he just said that. That was the name she hated to be called more than any thing, and here was who she considered to be her best friend telling her this. "You don't even care that I'm trying to help...I wish I never met you..." she took off running towards the door and out.

"Don't come back!" he yelled as she ran down the road. Brock and Delia were jaw dropped and wide eyed, yes even Brock. They couldn't believe that the two got into as big a fight as they did over something so stupid, they could believe the fight, but not the magnitude of it.

Two nights later, Ash lyed in bed with pikachu, the lights off. He hadn't been able to sleep much since Misty left. He felt so guilty about everything that happened. "Why do I have to be so stupid sometimes, Pikachu?" he asked his buddy.

"Pi pikachu?" (translation: "sometimes?")

"Your right? I wasn't being stupid. It was her that was being a complete moron." Ash pet his pokemon on the head.

"Chu pika pi pika pikachu pika pikachu." (translation: "He's never once gotten what I've said correctly. Not even once.")

the next day, Delia had her son out to pick up some groceries at the old style outside market, as seen in the film, Aladdin.

Ash walked through the market with a shopping list in his hand, and pikachu on his shoulder. "Let's see, Bounty quicker picker upper, ketchup for pikachu, pop corn, and and two new aprons." he listed the items as he walked.

He walked by a skinny old man, not wearing a shirt, he had it wrapped around his head like a turbin, he sat on the ground with a flute in his hands, while playing it. An arbok slowly emerged from a basket in front of him. When it was all the way out, it lunged and bit the old man. "Ahh!" he screamed in pain.

Ash kept walking past interesting scenes, like a guy stealing bread with the help of an aipom. He took the bread and gave it to a starving boy and girl, he rubbed the top of their heads with his hands before being chased by the cops.

"First we'll shop in the unnessasary items section for the aprons." Ash and Pikachu wondered over to the section.

"Come all-come all. I have here a magic bracelet that gives off powerful pheremones which only attract the nice men who keep their hands to them selves. Perfect for the girl whose tired of putting out on the first date." a young man wearing a blue robe shouted. He had scars around his face, and wore blue gloves.

"I'll take one. No, make that five." a brunette girl wearing a red bandanna approached his cart.

"Hey look Pikachu, it's May." Ash pointed to her. "Chu."

The man in the robe ducked down to pull out a bracelet. He attached what appears to be a small miniuature spy cam to the bracelet. He grins in the direction of (YOU the reader) a confused young boy. He popped back up with five bracelets, all secretly with hidden spy cams attached to them. "That will be a dollar each."

"Ok. Here." May handed him a five.

"Now if you want these babies to really work. You should wear one at all times, put one on your nightstand, one in the shower, one in the living room, and tie one around your dildo." the guy whispered to her.

"What?" May glared at him.

"I mean, give it to a friend, perferably a hot girl." he corrected him self.

"All right." May smiled and turned around, to see Ash standing there. "Hi, Ash."

"Hey, May. What's up?" the two embraced eachother in a hug.

"I'm going shopping for unncessasary items." she replied.

"Cool. I'm doing errands for my mom." Ash smiled "So what are you doing in Pallet Town?"

"I came here to visit you. We haven't seen eachother in awhile, I wanted to know how my old friend is doing." she said with a smile.

"Ya wanna come to my house then?" Ash asked.

"I sure do." she took his hand and the two walked off.

"Tell your hot female friends about me!" the blue robe wearing guy shouted at them before leaving completely.

The two later arrived at the Ketchum residence, where they now sat on Ash's bed, facing eachother. The two were both laughing, since I entered the scene late, thus we missed probably the first good joke of the series.

"Oh Ash, your so funny. How did you get to be so funny?" May asked, hooked on every word he had to say.

"Well...when i was still in my mom's womb, the doctor use to tickle her alot. And my great grandpa was a comedian." Ash explained.

"O-m-g. Now your too cute. How did you get to be so cute?" May blushed after asking the question.

"Well...my mom told me that my dad is Tom Cruise."

May laughed, followed by Ash. "Ash, I have a strong urge to kiss you."

"And I have a strong urge to let you." May leaned in and kissed him on the lips. "Do it again." he told her. She smiled and kissed him again. The two wrapped their arms around the other's body, and moved themselves to a lying down position on the bed.

"Now i have a strong urge to remove your pants." May said, her eyes shifting to his legs.

"What's stopping you?" Ash asked, angrily, he just wanted her to do it and do it now.

"Very little." she responded, and moved her hands down to his stomach.

"Ahh! Holy crap I feel like I'm gonna cum already!" Ash shouted.

"God, to be a boy and this easily arroused." May said, kind of jealous.

A knock at the door interupted their fun. "Ash?" Delia called. "Damn." Ash said softly.

Outside the door Delia was trying to turn the handle, but it was locked. "That's odd. No one ever locks the door in the movies or on TV."

"What is it, Mom?" Ash asked.

"I wanted to ask a question."

"Go ahead." Ash said through the door.

"I wanted to ask what you meant when you shouted 'hoy crap i feel like i'm gonna cum already!?'" Delia posed the question.

Ash and May looked at eachother, in a state of shock and embarassment. "Um, just a second." Ash replied. "What do i say?" he asked her

"I-I dont know. It's been awhile since i've been in this situation, and when it happened last time my mouth was taped so i wasn't open to any suggestions." she said, her hand on her heart.

"Uh, the reason I said what i said is because-because...because I was listening to the song 'C'mon-C'mon' by The Von Bondies and I made one of those weird jokes that you never get to May. She gets me though." Ash said through the door.

"Well all right then, now come down for dinner." she said.

"Oh well. Let's go." May unlocked the door.

"Wait. What am I supposed to do with this?" Ash pointed to his crotch. May shrugged her shoulders.

"Stupid Ash's mom." the man in the blue robe said back in his studio. He was examining Ash and May on his video monitors. "I could have seen some free and real porn. But she had to ruin everything. Oh well it's a good thing i sold her a bracelet too. I just hope she isn't planning on attracting that old professor guy she was talking about." he gulped.

Over the next several days, Ash and May became closer than ever. They did everything together too. This included going to a carnival, a Nickelback concert, and a live taping of Disney's 'Hannah Montana.' They even shaved their legs together, yes the two were having loads of fun.

Now the two sat on a couple's swing in front of the Ketchum house late in the evening. "I'm so glad I found you, Ash." May said, and kissed his hand. She sat in his lap.

'Man, this is torture.' Ash said in his mind, because May had her firm bottom pushed into his lap.

"I wish we could stay like this forever." May said, and sighed a happy and dreamy sigh.

"Mm...hmm!" Ash was sweating, and trying to restrain himself from doing something about his full wood.

"It sure would suck if we were apart, huh?" she asked.

"Yeah. Suck...suck." Ash smiled, picturing something awesome in his mind.

"It sure is gonna blow now that we have to get jobs, huh?" May continued asking questions that contained sexual words in them, unknown to her though.

"Blow...job." Ash said, while he continued being tortured there on the swing.

"I've always had an interest in carpetnry."

"Carpentry?" Ash questioned

"Yeah you know...nails and screws. And hammers that bang nails into the wall. You have to bang them hard though." May explained.

'Nail, screw, bang, hard.' Ash thought in his over-stimulated mind. He couldn't take in any longer. "May I wanna screw you so bad!" he blurted out.

May's eyes went wide and she quickly covered his mouth "Quiet. Your mom will hear."

"I dont care, I just wanna bang you right now!" he yelled again, and turned her around to face him.

"But-" Ash covered her mouth "No buts...well, ok, buts. It's just I want to nail you now!" he yelled

"Ok, fine. Lets go to your bedroom." May took his hand and they walked into the house and towards the bedroom.

"Oh Ash." his mom called.

"Fuuuuudge!" he banged his forehead against the door to his room. "I mean...yeah, Mom?" Ash answered.

"Can you take out the garbe?" she asked him.

"OK!" he shouted and ran out of the hall and into the kitchen to get the garbage.

"The city's garbage trucks are all broken down right now, so we have to go to take the trash to the dump." she said as he ran into the kitchen.

"Shiiiiiitles! ok." he collected the garbage and helped her load it into the car.

In the morning, Delia sent her son out to take care of some errands once again. Since she didn't have a washer and dryer, she made Ash take their dirty clothes over to Professor Oak's half house-half laboratory.

He finally got there after a couple miles of hauling two baskets of dirty clothes. "Welcome, Ash. I trust you had no trouble getting here." the professor greeted him.

Ash looked up at him, his face was red and he was sweating like he just emerged from a swimming pool. "Take...take...take these...these baskets, please." he said in between breaths. He panted heavily.

"No problem. Tracy, could please come do some laundry?" Samuel Oak called to his assisant.

"I'm tired of doing the laundry. I do all the work around here and what thanks do I-"  
"Yap-yap-yap-yap-YAP." Sam opened his hand like a sock puppet with every 'yap' he said. "Please come inside, Ash." he helped Ash off the floor and led him to the couch to sit.

Tracy soon walked into the room with a glass of water. "Here you go, Ash." he handed him the water, and he quickly poured it into his mouth. "I hope you dont mind that it's tap."

Ash's eyes widened and he spit the water out "Yuck! I'd rather die."

"You dont have to be so dramatic." Tracy said, while mopping up the spat out water off the carpet.

"Sorry, but i'm taking a drama class so I have to practice." Ash replied.

"But aren't you a straight male though?" Tracy asked.

"Yeah." Ash nodded

"Hmm, weird." Tracy walked away to the kitchen.

Ash noticed that on the 61 inch TV, that Trigun was on. "Best anime ever." he said, and then got off the couch. "Hey I'm gonna go now." he said loudly so Trace could hear him.

"Ok!" Tracy shouted back.

Just as Ash was about to head for the exit, he saw a drawing on a desk. He picked up the framed piece of paper to see Misty and himself, laughing. "Tracy...?"

"Yeah."

"Did you draw this?"

Tracy walked back into the room and over to Ash. "Yeah, back when we were in the orange islands together. I orignally drew it to tease you and make you mad. But i never got around to showing you guys." he explained

Ash examined the picture. His eyes filled with tears. "I miss her." he said softly.

Tracy smiled. He was hoping those two would get together some day, he always knew the two had a special connection. "Go to her."

Ash turned around to face his friend "I will. Can I keep this?" he asked

"Of course." Tracy nodded, and Ash turned around to leave.

Once he was out the door, he started running, running to a certain spot. He sang 'far away' by Nickelback as he ran. "This time, this place, misused, mistakes. Too long. Too late. Who was i to make you wait? Just one chance. Just one breath, just in case there's just one left. Cuz you know, you know, you know! I love you. I loved you all along. And i miss you, your far away for far too long. I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you never know, start breathing in, if i dont see you anymore."

"Shut up. You have a horrible voice!" a guy Ash's age yelled at him as he ran past him "You've ruined the song for me, jerk!"

Ash continued running, ignoring the guy who made a good point. He eventually reached a river in the woods, where he saw a crying girl near a bicycle. "Misty..."

she turned to see him standing there, concerned. "Ash? What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you."

"Well you've seen me...so get lost." she lowered her head.

"I wanted to apologize for everything i've ever said to you. Well not everything, just the mean stuff." he took a seat beside her.

"Really?" Misty turned to meet his eyes. Those sad-sad eyes.

He pulled out the drawing Tracy sketched of the two and handed it to her. Misty began to cry, but they were happy tears this time. "I love you...Misty."

"I love you too." Misty kissed him on the lips and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I love you so much."

"Ash!" the cheerful voice of another female pierced through the air.

He and Misty turned to see May standing there. "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" she squealed.

"What? No way. We never even slept together." Ash said, turning his attention back and fourth between the two girls, each with a very different emotion in their eyes.

"Yes you did." the man in the blue robe walked into the scene from no where. "I have proof." he pulled out the bracelets he sold, and plugged them into a small TV screeen. The footage of the two making love appeared.

Misty gasped "Ash! You man-whore! You don't love me at all. You just wanted my goodies!" she slapped him across the face. And unlike the first time she slapped him in this area, it wasn't censored.

"Oh Ash. You're gonna be a father!" May threw her arms around him.

"Fuuuuudge!" he exclaimed.

Misty walked off, extremely sad. Bryan followed close behind, trying to make a bracelet sale.

Another figure walked into the scene. "Hi, i'm looking for my son. His name is Ash." the man with black hair said.

May gasped and blushed "Tom Cruise?!"

"That's me." he grinned.

"So that's where i get my craziness from." Ash realized. "And that's why i'm always running."

_With my teeth locked down I can see the blood  
Of a thousand men who have come and gone  
Now we grieve cause now is gone  
Things were good when we were young_

_Is it safe to say? (c'mon c'mon)  
Was it right to leave? (c'mon c'mon)  
Will I ever learn? (c'mon c'mon)  
(c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon)_

_As I make my way c'mon c'mon  
These better nights that seem too long  
Now we grieve cause now is gone  
Things were good when we were young_

_With my teeth locked down I can see the blood  
Of a thousand men who have come and gone  
Now we grieve cause now is gone  
Things were good when we were young_

_Is it safe to say? (c'mon c'mon)  
Was it right to leave? (c'mon c'mon)  
Will I never learn? (c'mon c'mon)  
(c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon)_

_Is it safe to say? (c'mon c'mon)  
Was it right to leave? (c'mon c'mon)  
Will I never learn? (c'mon c'mon)  
(c'mon c'mon c'mon c'mon)_

-('C'mon C'mon' by the Von Bondies)-

Back in the lab, Professor Oak is sitting at his computer, mumbling "Stupid rats-a-fratta, matta, nodda nuff reviews fer this here stor. Oh well. I'm still getting paid." he notices that the story has come to a close. "Oh hello there. Now that the story is over, it's time to answer some fan mail. The first one is from agoraphobic-blue and it reads:"

-"Is Brock a virgin?"-

"I didn't know for sure, so I went and asked him my self."

(Intervew recorded earlier this week): - "Brock, are you a virgin?" Oak asks him. Brock looked him up and down "Uh...who wants to know?" he asked, nervous, and sweating

"Agoraphobic-blue." Oak replied "I'm not gonna answer that. I dont even know them. And since I dont, i'll make fun of the fact that they're afraid of open spaces. Ha-ha!" Brock points at the camera in his mochary.

"But it's a fan mail question." Oak reminded him. "This interview is terminated." Brock got up and left.-

"On to the next question. This one is from chey10."

-"Does Ash like the pink blanket he got from Misty in the last episode?" -

"I went straight to the source to get the answer." Oak shows us the footage from an earlier recorded interview.

"Ash, do you like the pink blanket that Misty gave you?" Oak asks. Ash pulled the blanket up for us to see. "Of course I do. It's so cute and pink." he rubs it against his cheek, with a smile and a blush.-

"There you have it." Oak bows to us, and another person steps in front of him. It was Brendan.

"Thanks for reading everybody. And remember to answer the question about whether you like Tracy or not, and review please. Also, dont be shy, send us your fan mail. We always read it and almost always answer it."

_Sorry the chapter took so long to come out, and sorry if it was too long, or not funny enough. I can't be funny every time. Oh and sorry there was so many sex jokes, but I'm an 18 year old male, i've just entered my sexual prime. I can try and promise you however, that the next chapter will not have so much sexual jokes in it, the reason being there aren't any sexual stories in the next chapter. Here's a preview:_

_You'll get to see a parody of Friends, Mewtwo make predictions about what will happen in the future, and a parody of the first episode of 'Pokemon: Diamond and Pearl.' Please keep reading and reviewing. _


	4. The Writer's Strike

**Poke'Scenes**

_Hey there's an update! A 4th chapter. Sorry its been so long but my head has been else where. I guess you could say I've been on vacation like the rest of the writers in America... Enjoy this chap(or not)_

In Professor Samuel Oak's home living room, we find the old man sleeping in his lazy boy recliner 5000. Barely noticeable, a very thin pole comes from the side and pokes Professor Oak.

"What-what? I'm not asleep I'm still making love to you, Ruth!" Oak notices the camera crew. "Oh...um...awkward. I wasn't referring to Babe Ruth. I was only 10 years old when he died. Ruth is my wife." he explains

"A-hem!" the director of this program is getting impatient.

"Oh yes. Well we do have a show today. But its a different kind of show than we usually have. This will be a show about issues...I think." the professor gets off of his recliner and walks to a spot near the wall where a New York Giants jersey hangs.

"Yes how bout those Giants, huh? They won the super bowl and beat those cheating patriots. 19-0 my ass! 18 wins and 1 GIANT loss! Awesome." Oak chuckled.

"And the super bowl was held in Arizona. Our very own Neo Namco lives in Arizona, in the city of Phoenix. And speaking of Phoenix, the Phoenix Suns just got 'The Diesel' from Miami for Marcus Banks and Shawn Marion. Thats right, Shaquile O'neal, SHAQ is playing for the Suns now. I hope it works out for them. Not really but Mr. Namco is making me say this." Sam sighed. "Go Suns." he says un-enthusiastically

"Lets see what else is going on? Well things are heating up in the presidential race. There's John McCain, also from Arizona. Which means Neo Namco will be rooting for him. But then there's also the two freaks: Hilary Clinton, a woman, and Barack Obama, a black man. Wouldn't that be crazy if one of those two freaks became president..." Oak realized the camera crew and everyone else was giving him shocked expressions "...hey I'm from a different time. I'm 60 years old damn it. These days you people are used to respecting women and black men...to a certain degree anyways."

"Hey, Professor." Tracy entered the room "Isn't there going to be a real show today?"

"Oh I almost forgot. We have reveal the results of the poll from the last episode." Oak remembered

"What poll?"

"The poll asking if people liked you or not." Oak told him

"Oh..." Tracy sighed

"But good news, Tracy. All 2 people that replied to the poll like you. Congratulations, we don't have to fire you." Oak gave Tracy a big hug. Tracy hugged back, and a tear strained down his right cheek.

"Well lets move on to the next issue." Oak shoved Tracy out of the way. "What else can we talk about? Britney Spears?"

"Professor I think the nice people out there want to see a real show." Tracy addressed, getting off the floor "Not some old man blabbering on about a bald, insane, whore."

"Hmm...I guess. But we don't have a show planned. The writers are on strike. We need at least three writers for each episode if there's 3 short stories in each." Oak pointed out

"Screw the writers! We can write the show!" Tracy exclaimed

"Uh I dont think so. I'm an old man and you're my gay assistant. No one wants a product written by our kind."

"Professor, I'm not gay." Tracy replied

"Oh."

"I'm flaming!"

"...Oh."

"Just kidding. See wasn't that funny? If I can be that funny on the fly, imagine how funny I can be when I have a week to write a skit or a short story." Tracy said with confidence

"But everyone knows the writers are on strike. No one's gonna read something by two non-writers with no experience." Oak countered

"If a man like us named Jay Leno can do it through the writer's strike, so can we!" Tracy said, encouragingly.

Professor Oak sighed "I'm with you, Trace. I'm not sure whats in store for us. But I'm with you till the end." he and Tracy shook hands and got to work on their project...

* * *

...hours later Sam Tracy sat just the two of them at the writer's table, pencil's in their hands and blank sheets of paper in front of them. "Do you have an idea yet?" Oak asked

"For the last time: NO!" Tracy angrily shouted

* * *

...three hours after that 'NO!'...

"I've got it!" Tracy suddenly shouted, waking up the professor.

"Huh-what? I wasn't sleeping, Ruth. I'm still going to town on you."

"Um ew. Never mind. Professor, I've come up with an idea."

"Lets hear it."

"Ok so its about a child psychologist who gets shot by one of his former patients for not fixing him. One year later he gets another patient, the deal with this kid is that he claims to see dead people. The psychologist doesn't believe him, but vows to help the kid anyways. Eventually things work out for the kid and his mother, who were having problems with each other. But the twist is, the child psychologist is a ghost. He's been dead the whole time...huh-huh. What do you think?"

"...First of all...we're supposed to be working on a story for Poke'Scenes. And second of all that's already a movie called 'The Sixth Sense.' Its been out for more than 10 years." Oak explained.

"Oh. Well I also came up with another idea where a man gets on a train that gets into a wreck and all 250+ passengers die, except for that one man, who doesn't even get a scratch. He's unbreakable..."

Oak sighed "Forget it. I'm starting to think this wasn't a good idea."

"Whats wrong?" Tracy asked, sensing sadness in his mentor.

"What we need to do is come up with a short and simple story that makes fun of a particular topic. That's the point of Poke'Scenes. Not long deep plotted stories that are stolen from other movies." Oak explained.

"Well in my defense I didn't know those were movies. I dont watch much TV. I'm stuck in a lab all day."

"Its hard coming up with ideas though." Oak realized "Maybe the real reason the writers went on strike is so they can have some time off to come up with fresh ideas."

"Thats a good theory."

"Maybe we should call in the other characters to help write the show." Oak suggested.

"We cant. They're all on their own individual vacations celebrating the writer's strike." Tracy reminded him.

"Oh...why aren't we doing that?"

"I dont know...maybe we should."

"Then its settled. We're going on vacation like George W. Bush in the months leading up to 9/11, which had nothing to do with that event unfolding at all. Just a coincidence." Oak pointed to the door of the writer's room "To the exit and on to Hawaii."

"I'd rather go to Jamaica."

"We dont have to go on the same vacation. Your only obsessively in love with me on the show, not in real life." Oak reminded him.

"Oh...right...of course. Heh heh." Tracy rubbed the back of his head with his right hand, and blushed...and i mean his face is RED. Bright red!

"I'd ask what that blush is about, but I have a vacation ta go on. Yes you heard me. I said 'ta.' Not 'to,' 'ta.' T-A. Now that i'm just a regular person, not an actor playing a smart guy, I dont have to use correct words or talk civilized." Oak explained "ya digg?"

"I dig, Professor-I mean Sam." Tracy nodded.

"Good. Now i'm off to the drug store so I can me some Viagra. Gonna need it to prove to the chicks in Hawaii that my penis wants them." Oak disturbingly said. This made Tracy shutter, just like the rest of you, and me. I disturbed my self there. Ahh!

"Attention, any employees that might be in the studio..." a woman over the intercom said "the writer's strike is over. So get your asse's back ta...TO...work."

"D'oh!" Oak and Tracy exclaimed.

...to be continued...

* * *

(fan mail will not be answered by Professor Oak, who is to pissed off about having to go back to work and is not here right now. He definitely isn't going postal, thats for sure...anywho...the person replacing him in this segment will be Bryan Anderson from several other Neo Namco fics, such as "Poke'mon People's" "The Best Pokemon Story Ever" and others...)

"The first question is from flamingflamer." Bryan reads

-"What is Neo Namco's actual first name?" -

"I dont know." Bryan shrugged his shoulders "What am I a psychic?" he deleted the email and moved on to the next one. "The next question...is from Raven the Ravenous."

-"Does Ash still have the pink and yellow handkerchief Misty gave him?"-

"If you read one of Neo Namco's other stories, "The End Of Pokemon" you will know the answer." Bryan answered...sort of. "Well that concludes today's fan mail segment...and Poke' Scene's episode. The "writer's strike" is over for Neo Namco and you should expect a new Poke' Scenes soon. I'm gonna go sniff some glue now." and with that Bryan got up and walked away.

_Stay tuned..._


	5. Max's Hilarious Report

**Poke'Scenes**

_(Disclaimer: I own Poke'mon, that's why I'm wasting my ideas on ff. net, not getting paid!!(sarcasm) )_

_The show must go on..._

In the kitchen we once again barge in on an unsuspecting Professor Oak. He has his back to us because he's doing the dishes. The camera man coughed, grabbing the attention of the professor.

He turned around to see the crew there, waiting for the show to start. "Ahh! Don't look at me! Don't look at MEEE!" he lifted his pink apron up to cover his blushing face the best he could.

"Oh no!" Tracy ran into the kitchen and spun the camera around to point at him. "The professor is a little busy at the moment." he sweat dropped.

"Tracy, keep them busy till I'm done." Oak said.

"Right, Professor. Hehehehehe." he put a hand behind his head, still sweating. "Uh, busy...busy. Oh I know!" he smiles at the viewers(readers). "Ever hear the one about the...oh I don't know." A stage hand quickly handed him a note card and left. "I'm just an actor. I can't think on my feet like writers can. God bless them all...especially Neo Namco, the most creative writer that ever was." he read from the card.

"Ok Tracy, I'm done. Thanks for keeping our viewer(reader) occupied." Samuel Oak stepped in front of his assistant.

"No problem." Tracy read from the script -'Now move out of view of the camera'- he continued reading and did as the script called for.

"Welcome to another mellow episode of 'Poke-Scenes' my friends. But before we begin, I will first release the results of the Tracy poll that was held after the last episode." he pulled down a chart. There was two sides. One for the people that liked Tracy, and one for the people that didn't. Turns out 2/2 people like him. "Wow. I've gotta say I'm impressed." the professor grins.

"Professor, we gave the results away in the last show." Tracy reminded him.

"I know. I'm just so shocked that your liked." Oak explained

"I'm shocked we have an audience." Tracy added.

The professor laughed. "Well anywho...lets get this thing-uh-rolling."

* * *

**Mew-(Twenty)-Two Readings**

the all powerful Mewtwo, clone of Mew was preparing for yet another day of taking control. He sat on a bean bag chair, reading the newspaper. 'the birth of Mewtwo' theme from the first pokemon movie played in the background as he read(first music score of the film in case you don't know).

He put down the paper and noticed the camera crew. "Oh. This was today? I've gotta start checking my schedule again." he put down the paper and walked into the hall way with his hands behind his back.

"Years ago a group of scientists found an eye brow fossil. I know it's crazy, but it's true. Somehow an eyebrow was fossilized. Well anyways, this was the fossil of Mew." Mewtwo started the story we all never really cared about, even 9 years ago.

"The scientists worked for Team Rocket. They brought the fossil to Giovanni where they started to clone-"

"Uh Mewtwo." one of the crew members interrupted him.

"What is it, John?! I'm trying to tell a story." he glared at his friend.

"But that's not what your supposed to be doing." John reminded him.

"OH. Then what was it again?" Mewtwo asked, and put one of his three ball-shaped fingers to his mouth.

"Your psychic. You can read my mind to figure it out." John said.

"All right then." Mewtwo's eyes glowed blue as he read into John's mind... ... '... ...I'd like to bang Dawn.'

"Err! Can't we get two pages into a story without a sex reference?" the evil-now good pokemon asked, frustrated.

"Sorry. Anyways, your supposed to be telling all the nice people what's in store for them in the future." John told him.

"Oh yeah. That. All right, follow me to my porn room." he said and the crew followed him into a wonderful room. There were posters of women in bikinis everywhere, stacks of dirty magazines on the floor, next to video tapes of the same variety.

"Ok. I will be making twenty two psychic readings about the future...today. The first one is about pokemon. Eventually there will be one thousand of those creatures to trade and collect." a projector projected a map of all one thousand pokemon, but all the ones that haven't been released to the public yet are blurry.

"Not sure how they're still being discovered after hundreds and hundreds of years only knowing about a 150 of them. Oh well, life is strange." he continued on to the next prediction.

"The next one is about the TV show it's self. The show will finally come to an end after it's 25th season. In the final episode, Ash gets together with the seventh main female character that traveled with him. Brock dies, as a virgin of course. Jessie and James steal Pikachu, where Meowth teaches him to talk. Pikachu reveals that poke'mon is a big scam to rob people of their hard earned money by creating a hundred new pokemon every few years to keep people's interest. Uhh should I be revealing this?...oh well. I'm sure no one's dumb enough to fall for the scam."

Mewtwo continues on with predictions: "Alex Rodriguez will break Barry Bond's home run record in 2013, followed by Albert Pujols breaking it in 2019. and Justin Upton will break it in 2026. and then everyone will break it due to the fact that every player will be on steroids."

"The war in Iraq will never end because George Bush's other brother wins the 2012 election and keeps the war going, since the Bush's are all evil."

"Al Sharpton will eventually become the U.S president. He soon makes the country very boring do to all his views on non-fun."

"No new TV programs or movies come out after 2030 because every thing's been done already. Most people go crazy because Seinfeld reruns are killing everyone's sense of humor. Many go on murderous rampages."

"The world becomes so over populated that strangers are forced to share houses together. This is despite the fact that women have invented a spike clamp that they stuff up their baby producer, as to prevent sex from being had."

"Another great depression comes in the early 30's, all the rich people of the world fly away to Mars and set home up there."

"Let's see what else? Oh yeah, computers become so intelligent that they take over the world in the 2040's. People are made slaves"

"The Real World: Moon Landing" is the only new show on television, since The Simpsons finally went off the air after fifty seasons."

"World War 3 takes place in the 40's as well. Its the United States and Canada versus the rest of the world. China is the ultimate victor and takes control of the world, alongside computers of course."

"And then an asteroid comes and hits Earth, causing it and everyone on it to die...the end..." Mewtwo finished.

His camera crew and other crew members all stared at him with wide eyes. "Thats it? That wasn't even 22 readings. That was like 12." one guy said.

"I know but we're in a porn room and I'm horny as hell. Everyone get out so I can be in peace!" Mewtwo used his psychic powers to move everyone out of the room, and then he slammed the door shut.

"Oh (bleep) yeah this is gonna be awesome!" we hear him shout.

* * *

Back in the lab, Professor Oak has a disgusted expression on his face, and one eyebrow raised. "Uh...was that even supposed to be part of the show? And i'm not talking about that last part. I'm talking about the entire bit. Wow that was weird."

"According to the boss its part of the show." Tracy informs his mentor.

"Wow. Really? Cuz that was really-really odd. Oh well, if the boss says so, then I guess its fine." Oak scratched his head.

In the background, a guy in a black Phoenix Suns, Steve Nash jersey stumbles around with a bottle of beer in his hand. It's Neo Namco. "Stupid commissioner. I'll show you. I'll get drunk and make decisions I wouldn't usually make based on my impairment to make decisions because of being drunk. Like write a stupid skit for my series." he/I say, and then pass out and fall to the floor.

"Oh that Neo Namco. He's just upset cuz of a Sun's game or two from last year. Ignore him. Well lets move on to the next scene shall we...mop up his vomit, Trace." Oak ordered, whispering that last part. Tracy got the mop and prepared to do his job, as we pan to the next bit.

* * *

**Max's Hilarious Report**

In an innocent class room filled with about 30 4th grade students, Max stood at the front of the room with a sheet of paper in his hands, preparing to read his hilarious report.

"You may begin your report, Max." his FEMALE teacher told him. I emphasize the 'female' part because there aren't many male teachers at all before high school, because that would make them gay or pedophiles. No its true, at least that's my opinion.

"Ok." Max cleared his throat. "In 1929 the US entered a depression lasting over ten years. The world quickly followed, and theirs was as bad or worse than ours. (all trading nations with the US). As I said some banana cultures lived just fine through it. In the 20's Germany went into a hyperinflationary depression, and the free world hence went into a deflationary depression. The end result was the same for both in many senses. Starvation, mass unemployment, and shifting winds of change of the governmental systems. The outcome was two societies: The free West vs. the fascist West, a world war of unparalleled destruction, preceded by massive social dislocation, starvation and suffering on both sides. Essentially in both cases people were reduced to mere survival as a goal. The cultures that emerged from the cataclysms of WW2 were far more circumspect in their life goals, and most certainly were not big time speculators, but rather savers and builders. The point is that both societies encountered severe depressions that led to a general war. We are in this period as of this time. The players are different, but the circumstances the same. The first thing we will have to face is a depression lasting at least ten years. The second will be a general war. I say this because we cannot continue to support the entire world on the back of the US consumer who is so preoccupied with their exciting housing bubble. The US government is highly indebted as well, as is the US corporate universe. All this means is that we are living on borrowed time, literally. As soon as the US consumer collapses under the weight of his debts, all the economic world dependent on them will too. It's that simple..."

Max's report left his class mates confused and disappointed, it showed in their expressions. His teacher with a raised eyebrow, opened her mouth to speak "Well that wasn't funny at all."

"Yes it was. I warned you all about your parent's terrible financial decisions, and yet you did nothing! And now we're doomed. To me that's hilarious cuz I was right." Max finished and placed the report on his teacher's desk, and sat down in his seat at the front of the class...

(I did not write that report. The article is called "Depression Coming" by Chris Laird)

* * *

Professor Oak sits in his recliner back at the lab, reading the newspaper. He glances from the paper to the camera for a second "Keep moving on to the next scene, please. Mr. Namco didn't write anything for me to say."

* * *

**Friends Suck**

_**(This 'scene' is a parody of the television show, FRIENDS, one of my 3 fav shows of all time!)**_

It was early noon at a coffee house called 'Middle Perk.' Six friends in their early 20's drank coffee together and talked. There was Brock, who sat on a chair next to a couch. May sat on the couch, along with Dawn, Ash, and Misty. Tracy sat on the recliner next to the couch, opposite Brock.

"Hey I have a question." Dawn started "If you guys had to choose between food or sex, what would you give up for the rest of your life?"

"Food." everyone except Ash replied in unison.

"Thats a tough one. I love food."

"And you don't love sex?" Brock asked

"I do, but food is really good, and it keeps me alive. You can survive without sex...kind of." Ash said

"Lets say that you live a long, normal life no matter what you give up in this situation." Dawn told him.

"Oh. Well then I give up food, of course." Ash grinned.

"What if it was between sex and poke'mon?" Misty asked him.

Ash's eyes widened "What? Wow, now that is a tough choice. Thats like asking to choose between Gatorade or Powerade. They're so similar and great. Ahh I dont know." Ash put his hands on his head. This made everyone around him raise their eye brows, even the un-important background characters.

"You know you've said something stupid when the background characters are raising their eye brows." Tracy said. (insert audience laugh)

(Friends theme plays)

The six friends see a water fountain in the middle of the city and decide to hop in and just start dancing.

F.R.I.E.N.D.S S.U.C.K

_So no one told you life was gonna be this way_

The name "Misty" appears in front of the character as she swims through the water.

_Your job's a joke, your broke, your love life's D.O.A_

"May" appears in front of the character as she dances

_Its like your always stuck in second gear_

"Dawn" appears in front of the character as she swings her top around

_When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year-but..._

"Brock" in front of him as he stares and drools at Dawn's topless body(though she still has a bra on of course)

_I'll be there for you...when the rain starts to pour_

"Tracy" appears in front of the character, who is sketching the topless Dawn.

_I'll be there for you...like I've been there before_

"Ash" appears in front of the character who is chasing several different wild water poke'mon around the fountain.

_I'll be there for you...cuz you're there for me toooooo_("I'll be there for you" by The Rembrandts)

The friends had tired them selves out, and now all sat on a couch that happened to be out side in front of the fountain. May sat on one of the arms of the couch and switched off a lamp that happened to be outside as well, by switching it off she caused the entire city to lose power.

Back in 'Middle Perk,' Brock, Dawn, and Misty remain talking and drinking coffee. Each of them are still in their spots from earlier. "Hey guys, I have a problem." Brock said.

"Do you have E-D?" Misty asked.

"No of course not." Brock immediately replied "Its about money."

"Brock, everyone in the country is having money problems right now." Misty reminded him.

"Yeah but mine is really serious. I cant pay rent for the apartment, I cant afford enough food, and without money I cant get laid either. And without getting laid I cant function properly. Thats why when I blink one of my eyelids closes a little later than the other." Brock explained and then blinked, showing indeed the drastic difference in time it took for the other eyelid to close.

"Ew." Misty shuttered.

"Oh I know." Dawn said "I saw something on the news the other day about a country in Africa that buys people from other countries for a high price and uses them as slaves."

"Are you suggesting I sell my best friend, Tracy, so I can support my self for a couple more months?" Brock asked.

"...Tracy, or someone anyways." Dawn joked(or so we assume).

"Tracy doesn't do anything for us, except make jokes." Misty followed "Hey he could do hard labor and entertain them."

"Well maybe I could sell him...woah-woah." Brock noticed an attractive woman(played by Officer Jenny) that walked into Middle Perk. "That is one hot mama. B-r-b." he got up and walked towards the woman.

The woman walked up to the counter to order a coffee from...Professor Oak. "Could I get a coffee?"

"What kind?" Oak asked while drying the inside of a shot glass with a rag.

"Surprise me." the woman replied. Oak nodded and went to work making a random coffee.

"Hey there." Brock greeted the lady "How you doin?" he nodded

"How I doin? I doin' fine, thanks."

"Wanna date me?" Brock asked

"Sure. Where are you taking me to eat?" she asked

Brock pulled out his wallet from his pant pocket and opened it up to reveal nothing inside, except for a condom. "Uh...my place...?" Brock grinned and sweat dropped.

"I don't think so." the woman walked off and left the coffee shop.

Professor Oak noticed that the woman was gone and just Brock stood there. "Want a free, surprising coffee?"(insert audience laugh as Brock stands there staring at him)

Later Brock got home to his apartment building that he shared with his room mate, Tracy. He opened the door to his place and walked in. Tracy was watching Will & Grace on TV, but quickly turned it off when he noticed Brock got home. "I wasn't watching anything." he said, in a guilty tone, as he turned around in his recliner.

"How you doin?...I mean whats up-whats up? Ahh sorry, I'm still thinking about this girl that turned me down cuz I didn't have any money." Brock said, taking a seat in the other matching recliner.

"I'm sorry, man. It must suck to get rejected for the first time ever, as opposed to being rejected every time like me."

"You have no idea." Brock said, depressed.

"We have to do something about our money problem...like get jobs." Tracy realized

"Pff, and go to interviews and wear nice clothes that we dont have? I dont think so." Brock waved the idea off "what we need to do is figure out a fast and lazy way to get money."

"...like play in a golf tournament?" Tracy asked.

"Thats a pretty good lazy way to make money, but its not fast. There has to be a quicker solution."

"Your not easy are you?" Tracy asked, frustrated.

"What? I'm not a woman! Oh wait...you mean...ok, yeah no I'm not easy in that way. But getting me in the sack definitely is." Brock stuck his hand in the air and received an un-enthusiastic high five from Tracy.

In May's apartment, which is right across the hall from Brock's, we find her doing dishes. Dawn sits at the kitchen table behind her, counting money, and reading 'Hummer Magazine' which is about the vehicle. "We're getting closer and closer to starting that restaurant of our's."

"Ooh I can't wait." May turned around with a big smile on her face "Soon I'll get to satisfy people from all around with great food, secretly poison enemies that might dine at my restaurant, and get rich-rich-rich."

"That's a pretty selfish attitude, May." Dawn said, disappointed in her friend.

"That's the way the world works, Dawn. Everyone in this world is greedy at heart...especially in America."

"Oh...ok. So it's ok for me to be greedy too?" Dawn asked, with her index finger placed to her lip, and a question mark appearing over her head.

"Yes. Especially if we're gonna be business partners. The people at the top are the most greedy of all and your gonna learn to screw the people around you." May told her.

"Sounds mean...but ok. Better I get more money than those other people I don't know yet."

Suddenly Misty walked out of her bedroom and into the living room which is visible from the kitchen. "Hey girls, going grocery shopping." she said, putting her purse strap around her shoulder.

"You mean clothes and jewelry shopping?" May asked.

"Yeah. What did I say?" Misty stopped and asked as she got to the door.

"It doesn't matter. Good luck with your love life." May said

"Thanks." Misty opened the door, where Ash was standing "oh hi, Ash."

"Hey, Mist." he smiled and watched her walk past him and down the hallway. Then he walked into the apartment and was greeted by waves from May and Dawn. "Hey." he waved back.

"How was work at the old Poke'mon Museum?" Dawn asked, cheerfully.

"Dawn! You just doomed us. Now he's gonna blabber on about boring poke'mon info." May smacked her friend across the face with the wet rag she was using to do dishes. (the following message scrolls by at the bottom of your screen while May continues to beat Dawn with her rag: she's just kidding, poke'mon topics are very interesting, and please don't use your dish towels to inflict pain on your friends, you might accidentally get soap in their eyes, use your hand to slap them instead...)

"Work was fine...but Misty sure is beautiful. And she's so sweet and funny." Ash said, taking a seat across from Dawn at the table.

May and Dawn looked at each other and then to Ash. "Wow, Ash. You sound pretty interested in her." May noted.

"Huh?"

"Yeah your random compliments of her are pretty obvious you like her more than a friend." Dawn followed.

"You guys are pretty and sweet and funny too." Ash answered

"But you didn't randomly compliment us when we weren't in the room though." May pointed out

"Oh...ok fine. I like Misty more than a friend." Ash admitted, and the Friends theme song suddenly started playing for a few seconds and then stopped. "Uh...anyways. Forget about it. Are you guys still saving money for that business of yours?"

"No." May replied "we're saving up this money to buy a secret weapon to get back at you for spreading that rumor about me back in high school."

"Really?"

"No." May replied and laughed

"What rumor?" Dawn asked "I never heard about that"

May sighed "...He told everyone I was a Nazi." Dawn gasped

"Well you made fun of my Pikachu lunch box." Ash defended him self.

"We were in high school. If I didn't make fun of it, than someone else would have. Better you hear it from a friend than a stranger." May explained.

"Whatever..." Ash crossed his arms "...Nazi." he mumbled quietly.

"Now back to you and Misty. You need to tell her how you feel before it destroys you inside." May told him

"I can't. There's no way a girl like her would like a guy like me." Ash frowned. (insert sad audience reaction)

"Ash...Misty loves you. She told me she has strong feelings about you." May revealed.

"What? Your kidding."

"As funny as it sounds, its true." (insert audience laugh)

"Well...if she really does like me, then I guess it wouldn't hurt to tell her my mutual feelings." Ash concluded.

"Exactly. Now get your butt out there and tell her you love her." May grabbed his arm and pulled him up.

"Ok-ok. OK. I'll do it." Ash said, getting excited.

"After she buys clothes and jewelry she likes to rest on a bench in Middle Park." May told him

"Ok-ok. I'm going!" Ash ran towards the door to go to the park and collided with it, and fell back to the floor.

"You have to open the door." Dawn reminded him.

"...I know. I meant to do that." Ash said, excuse-idly(if it wasn't a word before it is now) and opened the door to leave.

"I've got it!" Brock exclaimed suddenly as he and Tracy continued to think of easy ways to make money. "We could sell our blood."

Tracy gave his friend a complex look and raised his eyebrow. "Wouldn't that cause us to die?"

"Not all of it, dumb head. Just enough so that we can still stand up long enough to do the important things during the day."

"I'll pass on that idea." Tracy shook his head. "How about instead we sell the useless crap we have on ebay?"

"That wont work. All the stuff we own is valuable and deserves to sit still in the valuable case." Brock pointed to the 'valuable case' which contained many priceless coins and paintings, and autographs from famous actors and athletes...plus a baseball signed by Babe Ruth.

"Our solution is in that case...but if we sold it, we wouldn't have anything to look at when we're bored of watching TV." Tracy realized

"Exactly. So that's out of the question...wait a sec..." a light bulb appeared over Brock's head "I have to go into my room and make a phone call...I have to let a girl I asked out know that I can't take her to dinner cuz I have no money." he said, and walked into his bedroom.

Just as one person exited the room, another entered. Ash opened the door to the apartment and walked in un-invited, but its cool with Tracy I'm sure. "Hey Trace, I have to talk to you about something."

"Sure. What's up?" Tracy sat down in his recliner, and Ash sat down in the other one.

"I'm in love with Misty and I'm gonna tell her how I feel."

"Ok...and I should care why?" Tracy asked.

"Because your my friend." Ash said, upset.

"I'm kidding. When are you gonna tell her?"

"In about an hour. I'm going to Middle Park to do it." Ash replied

"But that park sucks. Its just a Central Park wanna be."

"I know, but that's where she goes to rest when she's done shopping." Ash explained.

"Ok I'm done calling off the date." Brock said, entering the room "turns out that she wanted to sleep with me first and then go out to dinner. Unfortunately I told her I had no money first, so I blew it for my self."

"Hey, Brocko." Ash greeted.

"Hey, Ash. Shouldn't you be at home updating your myspace profile, you know since you have no life?" Brock joked.

"Hahaha" Ash sarcastically laughed "I'm telling Misty how I feel about her."

"You don't want to get mixed up with her. Trust me. I hear she has genital warts." Brock said, and took a sip of beer from his beer bottle.

Ash sarcastically laughed again "No one likes a comedian."

"Yes. That's why many people pay to see them just so they can leave to prove they don't like them." Tracy said, sarcastically of course. "I think for now on instead of saying 'no one likes a comedian' people should say 'no one likes a Michael Richards'." (insert audience laugh)

About an hour later Ash stood near a bench in Middle Park, waiting for the moment when he would tell Misty how he felt, and then have her reciprocate her love and jump into his arms where he would spin her around like two fools in love. "There she is." his smile grew big as he saw her approach him with several-several shopping bags. "Hey, Mist."

"Hi, Ash. What are you doing here?"

"I came here to reveal something."

"Your not a cop are you?" Misty asked, with fear in her voice and eyes.

"No of course not. Why'd you ask that?"

"No reason." she quickly replied "I paid for all this stuff ya know."

"Um...ok. I came here to tell you how I feel about you."

"Ok but make it quick. I have somewhere to be."

"Misty...I love you. I have for along time." Ash said, on one knee as if he were proposing to her.

"Aww." Misty put a hand on her cheek and smiled "I don't feel the same way...well bye." she grabbed her bags and walked away, leaving a heart broken Ash, still on one knee...

Back at May's apartment, she continues to beat Dawn with the dish towel, over and over and over again. "How do you like that?!"

"Keep doing it. It feels better and better with each whack." Dawn said, apparently getting some pleasure out of the pain.

"Wow, Dawn, I never would have guessed you like it rough. You seem so bubb-ily most of the time." May went right back to whacking her in the face with the towel, when the door slowly opened and May stopped the beating and returned to the sink to pretend and do dishes.

Ash walked in and shut the door behind him, his eyes looked very sad, and he had a depressing frown on as well. "Hey, guys. Are you still doing dishes?"

"Um, yea. There were alot." May said, nervously. She noticed how sad Ash looked and walked towards him "Whats wrong?"

"I told Misty how I feel about her."

May smiled "And...?"

"She doesn't feel the same way. She rejected me and left me on my knee." he said, sadly, and took a seat across from Dawn. "What happened to your face, Dawn? Its so red and bruised looking."

"Uh who cares about that. Your situation isn't a good one, unlike mine." Dawn said, taking Ash's hand in her's.

"I thought she liked me...you said so your self, May." Ash turned to his other friend.

"She does love you. The reason she must have acted the way she did is because she wanted to be the one to tell you first. In fact she called me and told me that later tonight she's going to come here and tell you exactly how she feels, and she wants everyone to be here." May revealed

"Really?" a spark came back to Ash's eyes and his frown turned into a smile.

"Yeah. So dry those tears of your's and get extremely happy." May said, rubbing her friend's back.

"Hey Ash I have a question..." Dawn started "do you like getting hit across the face over and over again by dish towel's?" (insert audience laugh as Ash gives her a complex look with a raised eyebrow)

Meanwhile, Brock and Tracy are playing foose ball and discussing more ways to make easy money. "By the way I made an extra phone call when I was in the bedroom. I ordered a pizza. Should be here pretty soon." Brock said, as he scored on Tracy's little men.

"Sweet. So do you have any more money ideas?"

"I might-I might...but I'll tell you mine later, I wanna hear your's now." Brock said, scoring once again. "Take dat, bitch!"

"We could join a foose ball league. We're pretty good at it." Tracy suggested

"Correction, I'm pretty good at it. You suck more than Paris Hilton." Brock said just as he scored again. "And for me, I SCORE more than Paris Hilton gets SCORED on. You could replace 'scored' with a more naughty word though." he grinned.

"One of these days I'm gonna beat you." Tracy said, trying hard to avoid being scored on again.

"I seriously doubt that."

"Why's that?" Tracy asked, before 5 knocks on the door. "That must be the pizza guy."

"I'll get it." Brock opened the door to reveal two large men in light blue uniforms. "He's right there." Brock pointed to his friend.

The two men walked over to Tracy, and each took a hold of an arm. "Hey what are you doing? Brock, what's going on here? Where's the pizza?" Tracy asked, panicked "Where is it?"

"There is no pizza, my friend. There never was." Brock said with his arms crossed "I sold you to Africa for 30,000. Your gonna be a slave now."

"Why would you do that? I'm not black, I have rights...I have riiiights!" Tracy screamed as the two men holding him carried him out the door(the following message scrolls by at the bottom of your screen: "That black joke isn't meant to be racist, even though it is, it's just a reference to African Americans not having rights through most of the United State's history...)

"Don't worry, I just sold you so I can support my self for little awhile. And I'll buy you back as soon as I win the lottery!" Brock shouted to his friend, being dragged down the hallway.

"Could I BE more screwed by a friend?!" he shouted sarcastically, and then disappeared around the corner.

A few minutes later Brock walked into May's apartment where she, Dawn and Ash sat on the couch. "Sorry I'm late." he said "I was making a sale." he joined them on the couch.

"Where's Tracy?" Dawn asked.

"Uh..." Brock scratched his scalp "...he went to Africa for some reason."

"Oh ok." Dawn smiled.

Not too long later, Misty walked into the apartment with a man standing beside her. All the friends stood up and walked over to her. "Hi, guys." Misty greeted them, while holding the man's hand.

"What...what's going on?" Ash asked, confused.

"This is my boyfriend, Bryan." Misty explained. "we've been secretly dating for several months. He just proposed to me. We're engaged now." Misty said, very happy.

"Whaaaa?" Ash couldn't believe what he just heard. "But, May, you said...you said-"

"Yeah I know what I said. But I lied." May smiled

"Why?"

"I've known the whole time that Misty was in a secret relationship. But I wanted to screw you. I wanted to get back at you for spreading that rumor about me in high school." May revealed.

"That's awful, May. How would you feel if you got screwed like that?" Dawn asked, feeling Ash's pain.

"I'd feel great if I got screwed...anyways, he told everyone I was a Nazi. He had it coming." May crossed her arms and turned her head.

"Well..." Dawn started "can I be maid of honor?" she asked Misty

"Sure." she smiled

A few months later at the coffee house, Ash, Misty, Brock, and Bryan were there talking. Ash had gotten fat since he became depressed and started eating more. He sat on the recliner, kind of separate from the other's, but still in the area. He held a folded piece of paper in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other.

"I definitely don't feel guilty about Tracy deciding to go to Africa without telling anyone a few months back." Brock blurted out.

"Ok-ok we get it. You've been saying that for months. Enough already." Misty said, very annoyed with her friend.

"I like glue." Bryan too randomly blurted.

"I know, honey. Thanks to you, I do too now." Misty stuck a glue bottle up her nose, and then kissed her phiance, making Ash roll his eyes.

Suddenly May came running into the coffee house with a check in her hand. "Yay! I finally have enough money to start my restaurant!" she shouted, excitedly.

Ash had a big smile on his face. "Um...actually you might be a little short." he got up and handed May the folded piece of paper he was holding.

May opened it up and read it. It was a letter: "Hey, May. I hope you don't mind, I took the money you saved to start your own restaurant and bought my self a Hummer. I've taken off with it and have driven far away...love Dawn..."

May dropped the letter and tears formed in her eyes. "This can't be happening. This can't be...ahhhhh!" she ripped off her red sweater in anger to reveal a white shirt with a very large Nazi symbol(swastika) on the front. Below the symbol was the text: "I'm a Nazi" which made everyone gasp in shocked horror "oh is it such a shock?!"

"...No." Ash replied with a smirk.

"I guess I should reveal something too." Brock said.

"You sold Tracy to Africa?" May asked.

"Yes...but also...I slept with Misty and gave her genital warts."

everyone gasped in shocked horror. Bryan's eyes widened and he got up off the couch "I expect to get my glue back by mail, Misty." he said and walked out the door

"I too have something to reveal..." Ash began "...I'm not fat. I have a bomb strapped around my stomach." he lifted his shirt to reveal a bomb duck taped around his body. He activated it and:

KA-BLEWY!! the entire coffee house blew up, leaving not a single survivor behind as the coffee spewed everywhere.

_I'll be there for you  
When the rain starts to pour  
I'll be there for you  
Like I've been there before  
I'll be there for you  
'Cuz you're there for me too..._

I'll be there for you  
I'll be there for you  
I'll be there for you  
'Cuz you're there for me too... 

After the smoke cleared, Professor Oak came up from behind the counter with 2 coffees in his hands. He noticed the place was completely destroyed and no one was around "...Does anyone want a bunch of free coffees?" he grinned (insert audience laugh)

* * *

Back in the lab/Poke'Scene's studio, Professor Oak is left standing with wide eyes "Cooool."

"That WAS 'cooool' Professor. You got the last line in that scene." Tracy said, standing next to him.

"I know, that's why I said 'cooool.' Now let's get-uh-rolling on to the fan mail questions." the professor said with a finger in the air.

"Its time for..." the poke'mon narrator started "...FAN MAIL!" he exclaims and follows it up with a bored toned- "yayyyy..."

"The first question is from sexyman1058 and it reads:"

-"R U stoopid?" -

The professor stands there with a less than pleased look on his face. "I'll skip that one. The next question is from pokemonperson5:"

-"Do you have TiVo?" -

"Yes of course." Oak replied "I'm rich. Duh."

"Can I read the next question?" Tracy asked with a grin

"No. Now the next question is from 0kamiW0lf5:"

-"What is your opinion on the economic decline the United States is currently going through?" -

"Again..." Oak began "I'm a rich man I wont have any problems. But the rest of you are doomed."

"That's less than encouraging." Tracy frowned.

"It's a cruel world." the professor replied "Well this concludes a very unusual chapter of Poke' Scenes. Is to be expected after a long vacation-I mean writer's strike."

stepping in front of the professor is a guy wearing a black Phoenix Suns Steve Nash jersey, and a black AZ Cardinal's hat(Neo Namco) "And I want to thank all the fans out there. The reviews have been great and encouraging. And this story has a lot of reviews for a humor fic and that in it's self is very encouraging. Thanks for ditching the sickening romance fics to read this one. Those love stories suck...nah I'm just joshing you...MOST love stories suck. You guys should read 'Fragile' by Kawaii Cherry Blossom."

"Ok, Neo. That's enough." Tracy pushes me out of the way

"Wait!" I throw Tracy out of the way and go back to my spot in front of the professor. "There's one reviewer in particular I want to thank. She's an anonymous reviewer but it touched my heart. Her name is Jazmyne. If you are indeed a chick...call me...or visit my profile and get my myspace url, aim and msn screen name. All that good stuff. We Suns fans need to stick together...i love you!"

"Ok-ok. Show's over, man." Tracy and Professor Oak drag me away and the words 'THE END' pop up as we fade out...

_(Don't forget to review and tell me what you liked or didn't like about this chapter, and if you have a fan mail question, please ask it. It doesn't have to relate to Poke'mon, but it also can. Doesn't matter.)_


	6. Halloween Surprises

**Poke'Scenes**

_If you write it, they will come_

"Greetings, peeps." Tracy welcomes us, while sitting in a giant throne in a dark creepy room "Tonight's chapter of Poke'Scenes is extremely scary and contains no comedy what so ever. Adult language and themes are littered without. If you're a wuss, please do not read on."

"Tracy!" Professor Oak yelled "stop scaring and lying to our fan. What would a Poke'Scenes story be without comedy?"

"Uh…" Tracy thought about it "just like all the other ones?"

The professor coughed into his hand "Pay no attention to Tracy, everything he said is…" he checked his notes "…um. It looks like everything he said is true. Ah the hell with this. I'm getting a beer. Professor out." he throws his notes in the air and walks away.

* * *

**Ash's Blood Thirsty VAMpage**

A caped and masked superhero in all black stands over a badly beaten criminal mastermind with his faithful companion, Zubat. It was Zubat Man and he has just saved the day.

"Give it up, Choker! You've been batted." Zubat Man says proudly in a deep annoying voice with his hands on his hips.

The Choker furiously licks his lips "I'll never give up. I still have the strength to..choke you!" he hops up on his feet and attempts to choke the hero, but he's too weak, and falls to his knees. "Noooooooooo"

Zubat flies from his master's shoulder and over the Choker, and craps on him. "Good work, Dumpy" he and his Zubat laugh the night away as the credits roll by.

Ash Ketchum watches the movie from his couch with wide eyes, next to Pikachu, Brock, and Dawn in his mother's house. "Wow. Zubat Man is so cool. I wish I could summon a zubat to crap on my enemies and speak in a low, deep, menacing voice like he does."

"I cant wait til the next movie when he turns into Golbat Man." Brock says

"I just hope Meowth Woman is in it" Dawn said.

"You guys don't understand. I really wanna be a superhero like Zubat Man. I want to save the day and help strangers from peril." Ash says as he gets on to the coffee table.

"Ash, you already do those things. You're a real super hero." Brock tells him

"Yeah, come down from that coffee table. Mr. Mime just cleaned it." Dawn adds

"No you morons! I want super powers. Just like Zubat Man!"

Brock looks at Dawn and then back to Ash. "Uh Ash. Zubat Man doesn't have any powers. He just learned how to fight like a ninja and-"

"Silence, doubter. Zubat Man became Zubat man after a Zubat bit him with its Zubat fangs." Ash explained

"Yeah but he still didn't gain any special powers" Brock tried to explain

"He lived in a bat cave and could glide on occasion. What do you call that?" Ash asked and then quickly interrupted "But I want a different kind of power!" Ash looked at Pikachu, to which his ears perked up "I will become Electric Man! Pikachu, bite me." he ordered.

Pikachu shrugged his shoulders and bit his master hard on the arm. Ash yelled out in pain. "Oh my god it hurts. And it's bleeding. Ah (bleep)! It really hurts. And it wont stop bleeding. Holy crap somebody help me. (bleeeep)!"

Dawn ran into the kitchen and grabbed a bandage from the cabinet. "Here you go. Calm down." she applied the bandage to his arm. "There you go. It's okay." Dawn patted his head.

"Well that takes care of the blood leak." Ash smiled

"So Ash do you feel a pulsing charge through your body?" Brock asked while trying to contain his laughter

"Well not yet but I'm sure that-" Ash started to shake like he was having a seizure while groaning

Dawn and Pikachu ran behind Brock to take shelter. They all braced them selves for what was to come.

Ash shook more rapidly and then "Owwwwww!" he screamed "It still fu-(bleep)-ing hurts like a mother fu-(bleep)-er!"

"Hey keep it down down there!" Ash's mother yelled from upstairs. "Some of us are trying to sleep! with old professor men!"

"Sorry, Mom. But I hurt my self really badly and it wont stop-" Ash was cut off by the sounds of his mother and the old professor moaning.

"Oh Professor"

"Oh Ash's mother"

Brock shuddered "Eww. I'd rather listen to a pair of Jigglypuff's (bleep) each other." then he heard "Puff! Puff! Puff!" and "Jiggly! Jiggly! Jiggly!" in his mind.

"I think it's time we all went to bed. We've gotta wake up early tomorrow for Poke'mon church." Dawn says. Brock mumbles something about how poke'mon clearly evolve and church being a waste of time.

"You guys can go to sleep. I'm going to the old abandoned bell tower by that cave where all those miners were crushed to death 50 years ago tonight. That's where all the Zubat's lurk. The perfect place to bother them until they bite me." Ash said and gathered up his backpack to leave, and filled it with a sack labeled: 'spearrow throwing stones'.

"Okay, Ash. Have fun." Brock waved, along with Dawn and Pikachu, before they headed upstairs to go to sleep. "Don't let a metapod bite you. You don't want to be hard for the rest of your life." he joked and laughed as the trio ran upstairs to their bedrooms.

"We'll see whose laughing after a hoard of Zubat's bite me." Ash said and walked out the door to the tower. After about a twenty minute walk, he reached the end of the road where the bell tower stood.

"Ah, the old bell tower. It's a shame that ugly hunchbacked guy that ran the place quit. I was gonna teach him how to master the perfect posture." he put down his backpack and pulled out some of his rocks and cradled them into his arms.

Ash nervously and scaridly(I know that word doesn't exist for all you grammatical nerd-lings out there) walked into the tower to find what he was looking for. "I don't see any bats any where. Hmm."

Ash's poke'dex started talking "They're Zubat's you incorrect moron!"

"Gee, sorry Dexter. I was just shortening the name. like my actual name is Ashton but people call me Ash."

"Poke'mon aren't people. Jesus!" Dex…Dexter powers off.

"Sounds like somebody needs to get laid." Ash smiled while looking down at Dexter in his pocket when a sound grabbed his attention in the darkness. "Who-whose there?" he heard the sound again and let out a soft shriek. "Pikachu? Brock? Ha-Haunter? Team Rocket? Mewtwo? Lugia? Nurse Joy?"

"Shut up!" a familiar female voice shouted, and then the being of that voice stepped out of the shadows and into clear sight. It was Misty, and her eyes were unusually red. And her mouth was unusually drippy with a red substance.

"Misty? Oh man. I was way off." Ash blushed.

"It's okay. I'm happy to see you. It's been so long." she smiled and walked closer to him.

"Yeah….hey where's Togepi?" Ash asked

"…Togepi evolved into Togetic along time ago. Remember? There was a king and queen and general Hanson. And a blimp." she explained

"Um…uh, so how you've been?" Ash asked, forgetful of the memory.

"I've been lonely….and missing you. I've missed you so much Ash. So so much" she licks her lips

"Wait til you hear about all the adventures I've had since I last saw you. First-" Ash was cut off as Misty pounced on him, knocking him to the floor. She kissed his face all over, and he returned the favor "Gee Misty, you're acting like Pikachu. He licks my face and then usually procedes to hump my leg"

"What a grand idea." Misty happily and hornily said, and started licking his neck

"Oooh Misty. Chica mala."

Misty lifted her head up and opened her mouth wide, revealing a pair of sharp fangs, and hissed. Ash gulped "Oh my god. You're a vampire!", and then she bit down on his neck

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Meanwhile back at the Ketchum residence, Pikachu's ears perked up as he lay down on Ash's bed. "Pi pikachu. Pika pika. Pikachu" he said to Mr. Mime, who was standing beside the bed. (translates to: I think something terrible might have happened to Ash)-(and of course the literal translation: Ash, trouble. Something bad)

"Mime mime mime mime." Mr. Mime said with a scowl. The subtitles reveal that he said: Good. That ought to teach him not to get his shoe prints on my coffee table. Bastard.

Back at the bell tower, Ash runs out with his mouth dripping like he has rabies and goes in search for victims to bite. He spots a blood bank up ahead, and runs toward it in a scary manner while flapping his vest as if they were his wings.

The security guard sleeping in front of the blood bank was awoken by the sounds of Ash's hissing and growling. He let out a panicked shriek and ran into the building to warn everyone. "Everybody. Look out the window. It's happening! It's what we always feared."

The blood bankers all looked out the window, and the C.E.O in charge says "Dear God! The government has unfolded operation "blood-take", the taking of our blood by unleashing a vampire into our midst. It's wasn't enough that they stole 700 billion of our tax dollars. But now they want our blood. Well not without a fight they don't. Gentleman. Grab your stakes, hammers, garlic, and any natural sunlight you can find. Let's move move move!"

"Uh sir." an orderly said calmly "While you were giving that very dramatic and well prepared speech, the vampire took off in another direction. I think our sign worked." he said referring to the sign on the front of the building that says 'No Vampires Allowed!'

At that moment, who else but Team Rocket was trying to devise a genius scheme to make money in order to pay off their debts in this tough economy that the banks and the government put us in. "And so it's settled" Jessie says happily "we'll set up a fake haunted house and charge people top dollar to get in. it'll be just like the Ripley museum" she smiles

"I'll go to da Spirit store." Meowth said

"And I'll go to Hot Topic." James followed.

"And I'll break into that abandoned mansion by the beach where it's owner was murdered in 100 years ago tonight." Jessie put her hand in with the rest of her team's before they'd break and go off to their destinations when a familiar twerp appeared near by.

"I'm afraid your scheming days are over. At least as beings that don't feast on the blood of the living…" Ash said with a haunting twinkle in his eye.

"Um. What?" James asked.

Ash pounced forward on top of Team Rocket, somehow knocking all three down. The team screamed into the night as their necks were devoured upon.

After his first big meal of the night, he ran in search of another meal, as neck blood was not very filling to a young male of his age. Blood dripped from his teeth. And then he came to a stop at a familiar lab building. It was Professor Oak's laboratory. "I always wanted to try soft wrinkly neck." he laughed evily and made his way into the laboratory.

Inside the lab, Tracy Sketchit was all by his lonesome, continuing Samuel's work. The long work hours were frustrating him. "It's not fair that I have to do all his work while he gets to go bang Ash's mom. I could have sworn it was my turn do that." he puts his head into his hands and sighs, when the annoying noise from the Friday the 13th movies sounded behind him. "W-T-F-?" Tracy turned around. Nothing there. "Jason?" he called. But no response. He turned back around to meet the grinning face of his friend Ash, who was laid out across the desk on his side. "Aaaaaaaaash!..what are you doing here? It's passed curfew." he says while looking at his watch.

"Curfew doesn't apply to vampires." Ash said in a creepy and hinting voice, and licked his lips.

"True. But Vampires are considered illegal aliens, and the law gives me power to exterminate illegal aliens with any force necessary." Tracy says while looking into Ash's hypnotizing eyes while also reaching towards the mantle for the professor's plasma ray gun.

"You know, Tracy. I never did like you very much. Try and draw your way out of this one you Picaso wanna be." Ash leaped at his friend and ripped into his neck, distracting all the blood he could. But he was still hungry.

Ash's next hit included one that went way back. I'm talking pre school years. He snuck into the house of Gary Oak, through the main room, down the hall way, and creaked open his bedroom door. There on the bed was Gary, and about ten or so of his cheerleader's sleeping around and on top of him. He made his way closer to his long time friend and foe, but as he was about to bite down on Gary's ripe neck, he realized something.

"Wait a minute. Gary has slept with every single one of these cheer leaders and probably countless other skanky girls. I'm not drinking contaminated aids blood. Hmm. I see that becoming a vampire has increased my intelligence." he then covered his face with his vest and fleed.

Ash walked the streets of his Pallet Town neighborhood towards his home. He approached the front yard and marched up the walkway to the door when a familiar and annoying face randomly appeared.

"Hey, Ash! What's up?" it was Max and he was grinning creepily. "How ya been? You haven't been answering my text messages."

"Out of the way, Max. I've got necks to bite." Ash shoved the youngster aside.

"Hey that was rude. No one likes being shoved." Max crossed his arms. "Don't think my followers on Twitter wont hear about this." he pulls out his phone and begins writing the entry.

"You're so damn annoying!. I'm gonna do what I should have done along time ago. Suck your blood." Ash threw the geek to the ground and kept to his word. He sucked Max's blood dry.

Ash wiped the blood off his face and walked into the house to eliminate his loved ones one by one…

A few minutes later, Misty made a reapperance into the story as she walked up to Ash's house. The door was swaying open and closed due to freakishly scary wind. "Oh no. I hope I'm not too late." she walked through the door to see an awful sight. The entire inside of the house was covered in blood. Dead bodies every where. Brock, Dawn, Professor Oak, Mrs. Ketchum, Mr. Mime, and even Pikachu. And there was Ash, slurping down a glass of blood.

"Mmm. Mime blood." he sighed happily.

"Ash, what have you done?!" Misty screamed.

"What? I was hungry. And as a vampire, I drink blood. You know? Due to the curse that you installed unto me. Cuz you're a vampire also." Ash explained.

"Ash….I'm not a vampire.." Misty said, stunned at her friend's actions. The theme from the SAW movies, 'hello zepp', begins to play as this story has reached a climax

"What? What are you talking about? You bit my neck.." Ash said while pointing at his neck.

"Biting is part of foreplay, silly. I wanted to have sex with you." Misty explained.

"But. But you're mouth was dripping with blood."

"No. I just drank some red powerade." Misty revealed

"But your eyes are red.."

"I'm wearing my red contact lenses. I lost both my blue and green ones.." Misty explained.

"What about your fangs?"

"Oh these?" Misty opened her mouth "this is what happens when you don't brush every day. Always brush at least twice a day and floss" she smiled

"So all our friends are dead in one of the most amazing twist endings ever???!!!" Ash asked, jaw dropped.

"I'm afraid so.." Misty frowned, and then smiled "but at least now we're alone."

"Ah screw it! What's done is done" Ash grabbed Misty and kissed her. The two slunked down to the bloody floor, removing each other's clothes. A heart shape surrounds them to end the story…

* * *

**Poke'SAW**

Two familiar figures are trapped in a big, filthy, prehistoric looking bathroom, each shackled to one end of it. One of them was Nurse Joy, shackled to a pipe by the big sliding door, and the other was Todd Snap, shackled to a pipe at the opposite end of the room by a bathtub. Also in the room was Pikachu, who was hanging from the center of the ceiling by a chain rope, looking unamused. In the middle of the room lay the dead body of Giovanni in the shape of an X, and in a pile of blood. A gun shot hole in his head, a hand gun in one of his hands, and a tape recorder in the other. The trapped victims had no idea where they were or how they got there. But they weren't about to let fear and confusion get the best of them.

"Is he a character?" Nurse Joy asked

"Only one of the greatest ever" Todd replied

"Does he have something to do with photography?"

"Yep!" Todd smiled

"Is it Robin William's portrayal of Sy in the movie One Hour Photo?" Joy asked.

"You got it! That was only the greatest movie ever on the subject of photography." Todd said with his arms crossed. "Okay my turn. Make way for the 20 questions 3 time national Kanto champion."

Pikachu rolled his eyes, scratched his face with his…paw? And sighed "Chuuuu"

Suddenly a pulsing charge of electricity was sent through the shackles of Nurse Joy and Todd. The two both screamed and steam rose from their fried bodies.

"What the hell?" Todd said angrily "It's not enough that we're chained up in an old smelly bathroom with a dead guy, but Jiggy has to electrocute us too?"

"I think we should start trying to figure out why we're here. Who ever brought us here could have killed us by now. But they didn't. they must want something from us." Joy concluded.

"All right. Fine. I was just trying to lighten up the situation." Todd said "I guarantee that playing Jigsaw's game is no where near as fun and sure to bring lots of pain."

"Pika! Pikachu! Pika pika pikachu chuu!" Pikachu started squirming and pointing below him to Giovanni.

"Try and reach the tape recorder so we can play those tapes we found." Joy told him, understanding what Pikachu was getting at.

Todd sighed and picked up a magnet next to him labeled 'tape player magnet' and used it to attract the tape player from Giovanni's hand. It slid across the floor until it was at Todd's feet. He picked it up and popped in his tape and played it. The voice on the tape sounded a lot like Meowth's, only he didn't speak with the same accent or speech patterns we're accustomed to.

"Hello, Todd. As an annoying voyeur, you photograph unexpecting poke'mon and sell their natural poses to photo dealers, but you do not take into account just how annoying you are, and what type of disturbing photo evidence you have exchanged over the years. Tonight we will see if you're willing to evolve your ways and your mind to serve a better purpose to the poke'mon you have destroyed. Let the game begin…"

"Pika pikachu" Pikachu nodded in agreement

Todd threw the tape player to Nurse Joy. She removed Todd's tape and inserted her's and pressed play.

"Hola, Nurse Joy. You have chosen a profession that helps poke'mon with injuries and ailments, but your particular medical clinic which you run, has been corrupt by the illegal decisions you have made to maximize profits. You purposely poison your patients to extend their treatments and put fourth little care into every aspect of your job except for the criminal activity you impose. If you wish to see all the other Joy's again, you will have to make a harsh dismembering decision in the next 10 minutes or the decision will be made for you. X and Y mark the spot for the decision tools. Let the diagnosis begin…"

Pikachu crossed his arms and shook his head in disgust "pika pika"

"Wow…" Todd was wide eyed "compared to you, I didn't do crap." Todd smiled in relief.

Joy squeezed the player in her fist and threw it to the floor in anger. "Whose doing this to us?! Show your self you sick coward!" she yelled towards the mirror…the two way mirror.

On the other side of the mirror, a figure in a black hooded robe watched on, all that could be seen of the culprits face were his shining glasses.

"Can we just play the game and get this over with?" Todd asked while tapping the floor impatiently with his foot "If it's anything like Monopoly we could be here all night."

"I found the X" Joy spotted a box next to her with the letter X drawn on it. She opened it up to find a chainsaw. "This is my ticket out of here." she smiled

"What about me?" Todd asked

"Your's is over there. See the 'Y'?" she pointed.

Todd looked in the direction she was pointing. Next to him was the letter Y, painted on a toilet… "Ah hell no. Why is my tool in the toilet? That's Tauros shit!"

Joy activated the chainsaw and tried to saw off the shackle that binded her. Minutes passed and the saw wasn't even making a scratch. "Damn it! What the hell? I thought this was a CHAIN saw. It has no effect at all."

Todd lifted the seat to the toilet. The contents inside the toilet are pixilated for your enjoyment. "What kind of game is this?!" Todd asked while sticking his hand into the muck of gunk, searching for what ever he's supposed to find. "What the heck? There's nothing in here but crap."

"Right there. Under the seat!" Joy shouted

Todd looked at the bottom of the seat, where a sheet of paper was taped. Todd took deep breaths to keep from going ballistic after his toilet mistake. He pulled the sheet off the seat and examined it. "This is…a contract. A five hundred thousand dollar photography contract I was supposed to sign to get a permanent voyeuristic job for a poke'mon gossip magazine." then his thumb felt something taped to the back of the sheet. He turned it around, to see a lighter "I'm supposed to burn it…"

Pikachu looked on from the ceiling in deep interest, as the plot was thickening and getting more exciting. "Chuu…."

The figure behind the glass leaned toward to the mirror in anticipation.

Joy looked at the chainsaw "Then that means I'm supposed to saw my foot off…"

Todd ignited the lighter and moved it towards the contract, inch by inch. He began to sweat and shake…but he couldn't do it. "I can't. I can't do it" he throws the lighter into the toilet "You monster!" he yelled in the direction of the mirror.

Pikachu smacked his forehead with his paw "pika"

"I'm not gonna cut my own foot off! That's crazy! It would hurt a lot." Nurse Joy held the chain saw over her foot, contemplating it.

"Well I'm not gonna burn my contract. That's 500 thousand dollars on the line. That's money." Todd said, taking a pen out of his pocket, and signing the contract "There. It's official." Another charge of electricity zapped the two shackled prisoners. "Stop doing that!" Todd screamed.

"Oh my god. We're out of time!" Joy saw the second hand move passed the twelve for the tenth time on her watch. "I don't want to die! I wanna live! I wanna live!" she took the chain saw and pulled the string, and began sawing through her ankle to free her self.

"Ah..gross." Todd shielded his eyes with his contract, which became splattered with Joy's ankle blood. "My contract! It's ruined! You bitch! You can barely see my signature." he tried to wipe the blood away with toilet paper, but it was only smearing it. "no…nooooo." Todd fainted and collapsed to the ground.

Joy finished sawing off her foot and tossed the chainsaw aside, she put her face to the ground and cried "there. I've done it. Now let me go. Let me go back to my crooked hospital..please." she wept.

Right then the door to the bathroom slid open, and the figure from behind the mirror, wearing a black hooded robe, walked in.

"You! Let me go! I did what you told me to do. I did it" Joy screamed.

The figure walked around Nurse Joy, and around Giovanni's dead body, over to the unconscious Todd. He nudged Todd with his foot a few times and then removed his robe, revealing…Max! He pulled out a plasma ray gun from behind his back and pointed it at Nurse Joy and told her "You're too late."

"Wha-wha-whyyy?" Joy asked, bleeding and crying.

"It's the rules…" Max placed his finger on the trigger, ready to pull it. When suddenly Todd awoken and grabbed a hold of Max's legs, and pulled him down to the ground.

"I've got you, you son of a bitch." Todd threw the plasma ray gun away, and started punching Max in the face over and over again.

"Hit him. Hit him." Joy cheered on.

Todd took Max by the head and stuck it into the toilet "How do you like it huh? How do you like it?"

Max broke free from Todd's grip and punched him in the mouth "Leave me alone. Why doesn't anybody like me?" Max cried. "I'm telling everyone on my twitter page about this."

Todd wrapped the tape player around Max's throat by the head phones and threw the tape player magnet around a pipe on the ceiling, pulling him up, and hanging him by his neck. "Your twitter days are over you little twit."

"Good job, Todd. I'm gonna go get help before I die of blood loss." Joy said, and turned around towards the door to crawl out.

Todd looked up Joy's skirt as she crawled away in pain, noticing the chansey's on her panties. He grinned "Nice!" but his smile was wiped clean when a tape player fell out of Max's pocket and landed on his head. "Ow!" he rubbed his scalp and picked up the player. The 'hello zepp' twist ending theme music from the 'SAW' franchise begins playing. Todd presses play and listens to the message:

"Hello, Max. right now you are a pathetic, unloved, useless, and powerless secondary character in our world. But I will hand you the tools to empower your self, and turn the control around on the opposing forces. You complain about your encounters on twitter instead of sticking up for your self with witty remarks, should you learn to evolve your response methods, you will pass your test. Listen carefully if you will…there are rules…"

Todd was in shock. Max was not the one behind this scheme. At that moment, Pikachu lowered down on to the body of Giovanni from his chain. He untied the chain and smiled at Todd. "Pi..Pikachu? Why?"

A flashback reveals Ash taking Pikachu into the poke'mon center for a check up, and Nurse Joy poisoning him to extend his hospital stay. Another flashback reveals Todd taking photographs of Pikachu downing several beers at a party, and cheating on his girlfriend with an Eevee, along with dozens of other exploiting and revealing pictures.

In another flashback, Pikachu threatens to electrocute Meowth if he does not record his voice for the tapes.

Todd reaches for the plasma ray gun to shoot the true villian, but Pikachu shocks Todd, just as he had done both times before to him and Nurse Joy.

Pikachu walks away, and towards the door. But before leaving, he turns around and puts his paw on the door. "pi pika", subtitles revealing he said "game over" and shuts the door to Todd screaming.

* * *

**Halloween Mystery at the Lighthouse**

It's October 31st, Halloween night. The setting: Bill's old light house and laboratory. He's throwing a costume party this year, and has invited just about everyone to be apart of it.

Look. there's Team Rocket. Jessie was dressed as Sailor Moon and James wore a LeBron James' Cleveland Cavalieres uniform. And Meowth had on a pikachu tail and ears, along with the additional feature of a powerful electroshock weapon duct taped around his body.

"Remember the plan?" Jessie asked "we don't take over and snatch all the poke'mon until everybody gets drunk off the spiked punch we double spiked."

"What ever." James said "I'm the king. The M.V.P. and I've got Shaq on my team. And you know what. You're all witnesses to that." he walks away.

"I don't tink he realizes dat we aren't pretending to be otha people right now, Jessie. He doesn't get dat dis is a Halloween party." Meowth said.

Professor Oak, Professor Elm, and Professor Birch are also at the party, dressed as Z.Z Top. Ash's Mom, Delia was dressed as a television network censor, carrying a notebook titled 'network censor notes' and a shirt that says: No humor. No Intelligence. No fun.

Tracy was dressed as Michael Jackson, the freaky white one. He carried a little boy doll with him. Mr. Mime's costume was Sherlock Holmes. He rubbed his chin with his fingers while he smoked a pipe.

But there's more. There's each of Misty's sisters, Daisy, Lilly, and Violet all dressed as whores. I mean Miley Cirus. Gary's cheerleaders were the ones dressed as prostitutes, while he was dressed as the Joker from the Dark Knight. While Ritchie is dressed as Ash.

May only wore a bikini. She claimed to be Misty May, the famous volley ball player, and her brother Max wore a muscle body shirt and football gear beneath it to make him look muscular. "I'm Max Power. Hehehe." he laughed annoyingly. Dawn just showed up as a snobby, greedy, bitch. A.K.A: Paris Hilton.

The doorbell to the lighthouse rang, and the receptionist, Ghastly(as seen in the Maiden's Peak episode) opened the door for the guests: Ash, Brock, Misty, and Pikachu. Ash was dressed as Michael Myers "Not even Jeff Gordon can escape from my slow paced killing pursuit." he says

Brock was Goku from Dragonball Z. "Repetitive series meets repetitive series." he laughs.

Misty looked like a librarian, one you'd want to shoot. "I'm Sarah Palin. I wanted to go as someone that everyone hates. Well that all smart people hate anyways."

Pikachu was painted up like a Raichu "pika pikachu pi pi pikachu pika pi pikachu" translates to "I wish I had chosen to use the thunderstone to evolve into Raichu that one time"

"Welcome to the party my unsuspecting victims of this Halloween night. How was your trip?" Ghastly asked.

"It was pleasant. I liked how Bill painted the trees in the woods behind the lighthouse. There was an Easter egg on one, a Christmas tree, and a pumpkin." Misty said.

"Uh yes…just don't go inside any of those trees." Ghastly warned.

"So what are you supposed to be?" Ash asked Ghastly "a bowling ball? An olive? Ooh Barack Obama?"

Ghastly glared at him "No. I'll be getting into my costume later. Why don't you four enter the building and have a good time. And make sure to drink lots of punch. It's spiky."

And so our costumed heroes walked into the lighthouse and towards the party. The first person they came to was Nurse Joy, wearing her nurse outfit, only she was missing a leg.

"Hey, Nurse Joy. What's with the missing leg?" Brock asked.

"I'm a hockey player. Aren't they always losing their legs?" Joy asked.

"No. you've got legs confused with teeth. They're always losing their teeth." Brock corrected her.

"Oh. Well then I'm a one legged nurse." she says.

"Correction. A very hot one legged nurse." Brock said and winked. Not that anyone could tell. But Joy giggled flirtingly.

Ash meanwhile was getting annoyed "God, Misty. Why do you have to be Sarah Palin? I feel like cutting your head off and using it as a soccer ball."

"That's the point. It's Halloween. Not a beauty pageant."

"Hey everyone." a familiar smiling face greeted them. It was Duplica and Ditto, but ironically they were not in any costume.

"What the? Why aren't you two in costume?" Misty asked.

"You'll find out later…" Duplica said and winked.

"Hmm…they're up to something those two." Ash said while squinting.

Bill the lighthouse keeper stepped down stairs into the room "Ah welcome to the party everyone. Tonight you're all sure to have lots of fun. And be scared to death."

Ash raised his hand "Uh will there be candy?"

"Yes yes. Just take a look at the table. I've supplied enough food and candy for three Snourlax's." Bill said, motioning to the table.

"Oh boy! Diabetic inducing junk food!" Ash ran to the table and immediately began gobbling up food.

The other guys meanwhile were focused on something else, May, and the lack of clothing she was wearing. Goku, or Brocku watched as she bent over to get a drink and covered the front of his pants with his hands "My power level is rising!"

Gary approached the bikini beauty to have a talk. "You're hot. I'm horny. Let's get it on."

"You're in luck. I was a big Heath Ledger fan." she jumped into Gary's arms and the started making out. "Let's go find some privacy." and so the two made their way to a door and slid it open. Inside was an old dirty bathroom with a dead body on the floor, and Todd shackled to a pipe at the far end of the room.

"Help me. Please! Get me out of here!" Todd screamed.

"Uh maybe later." Gary told him "I've gotta show this girl some tricks and treats of my own." he slid the door shut, leaving behind a screaming Todd.

Gary and May ran to the room over and opened the door, whilst making out. But the sight they saw on the bed made May scream a blistering ear drum splitting scream. "Gee, May, we haven't even started yet and-" then Gary saw the body on the bed, covered in blood and let out an even louder blistering ear drum splitting girly scream.

Everyone in the building froze and looked towards the room, which Gary and May ran out of quickly. "Bill. Blood. Dead." Gary stuttered

"Bill is dead!" May shouted "and his corpse is in that room. He was murdered."

"Dun-Dun-Dun!" all the professors said in unison.

"Great. Now whose gonna pay me for being the party receptionist?" Ghastly asked frustrated "every year this happens to me."

"Now calm down everyone. I'm sure that BILL…is just playing a little Halloween prank on us." Brock said and walked into the room. A few seconds later he re-emerged, running out of the room and hiding behind James. "He's dead! His blood doesn't taste like corn syrup at all. It tastes like blood!" he cried into James' jersey.

"Hmm." Ash scratched his chin "a dead man at a party and no suspect. This mystery looks like a job for Ash and friends. The greatest detective team in the Kanto, Johto, and Hoen regions ten years running. What do you say gang?"

Misty took a sip of the punch "Sure. That'll lighten up this party. I guess it couldn't kill me."

"That's where you're wrong you ignorant Alaskian bitch!" Jessie shouted "who ever killed Bill is still in this room and could strike again. I'm out of here." she walked towards the exit when Mr. Mime stopped her with his light screen. He shook his head and pulled out his Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass and studied her. "Out of my way you unusually talkative mime."

"I'm afraid we can't let you go, Jessie. You're a suspect just like everyone else. We've gotta start looking for clues." Brock said

"Come on guys. Let's hit it!" Ash shouted. And he, Brock, Misty, Mr. Mime, and Pikachu began searching the lighthouse as a parody version of the Scooby Doo theme song played in their heads to make things more fun.

_Pika pikachu, how are you?_

_You look so cute tonight_

_Pika pikachu, how are you?_

_You better be ready to fight_

_Come on Pikachu, we see you_

_Being all cute and yellow_

_But you being cute wont do good_

_When we gotta catch this fellow_

_You know we gotta figure out who killed that guy, Pikachu_

_Was it you?_

_If it was, don't worry we'll frame it on Todd Snap_

_That's a fact_

_Pika Pikachu, was it you?_

_Don't be scared just tell us_

_If we can solve it fast, Pikachu_

_We wont put up a fuss_

Ash and the gang were back in the main room with all the party goers, resting on the floor and panting. "We searched the entire lighthouse, and still no clues." Ash said in between heavy breathing.

"Not the entire lighthouse." Ash's mom said "you were so eager to look for clues in all the other rooms that you forgot to start with the one everyone is standing in…"

"Um…" Ash blushed.

"And now several of the suspects have made their way into other rooms out of boredom." Professor Oak further revealed.

"Let's see, whose still here?" Misty counted everyone: her, Ash, Mr. Mime, her sister's, Ash's mom, the professors, Ritchie, Dawn. She gasped "We're missing Brock, Gary's cheerleaders, Max, Pikachu, Ghastly, Gary, May, Duplica, Ditto, and Team Rocket!"

"Damn you're good." Ritchie complimented.

"Let's all take guesses on who the killer is. Write your guess down on this sheet and we'll see who came closest at the end of the mystery." Delia walked around the room with a pen and paper.

"We don't have time for that. Let's split up and find the killer. If you see someone killing someone, he's probably our guy." Misty clapped her hands together and everyone took off in different directions.

Ash stood by the food table. "I'll stay here and look" he resumed gobbling up all the food.

Mr. Mime opened a door to find Brock on a bed with all of Gary's cheerleaders. "So whose cave am I exploring first?" he asked. Mr. Mime shut the door and shuddered "Mime mime."

Ritchie opened a door to find Gary and May engaging in sexual intercourse under the blankets. "Does anyone even use a blanket in real life? Especially for a one night stand?" Ritchie asked and closed the door.

Professor Oak opens a door to find Duplica holding a knife over a pool of blood. "Oh my god! Duplica. You're the killer?" Oak said with fear in his voice.

"Me? Oh no. I was just practicing my prank to show you guys. Right Ditto?" she asked, and the pool of blood transformed into Ditto. "Ditto" he smiled. The professor took a sigh of relief.

Delia opened a door, only to find Team Rocket eating all the food in storrage and throwing valuable artifacts into trash bags. "Hey that stuff doesn't belong to you." Delia crossed her arms.

"On Halloween there are no rules." James explained.

"Yeah and plus we're villains. Duh." Jessie said, and the team laughed. Causing Mrs. Ketchum to blush.

Misty looked on in the hallway of never ending doors, amused by everyones failures. "I guess it's my turn." she said, taking a deep breath and opened the door, stepping into an unsually bright room. But after a brief flash of light, everything came into focus. And that's when she saw it. Max was cornered, in one of the corners of the room, and Ash stood in front of him with a knife.

Max typed an entry into Twitter on his cell phone: I'm about to be killed by a knife wielding maniac. The killer is Ash. Ash Ketchum. The chosen one. The guy you all know and love. He can kill me. But he can't kill my twitter page. It will live on forever." he finished and pressed enter. "Oh no! I accidentally deleted my twitter page. Nooooooo!" he screamed on his knees. "just like Miley Cyrus did. Only I didn't have a chance to rap about it on you tube." he started sobbing.

"Why have I not killed you yet?" Ash asked angrily and threw his arm back with the knife, making a gun-cocking noise, and as he was about to lunge forward and stab the annoying bastard, he was stopped.

"Ash! No!" Misty yelled.

Pikachu shocked his master with a thunderbolt and he fell to the floor, steaming. "Pika pi!"

Ash's body began to glow purple and transformed into its actual form. It was Ghastly. Everyone else in the party, except Ash, who continued to eat, stuck their heads in the doorway to get a glimpse of the murderer. "Ghastly?!" they all said in unison.

"That's right it's me." Ghastly admitted. "And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for my inability to lock doors."

"That's right." Misty said "he has the power to transform like Ditto, like he did back at Maiden's peak in season one. Remember Brock? When he made you fall in love with that ghost girl?

"Oh yeah. (bleep) you, Ghastly!" Brock clenched his fists "I was actually in support of your murder of Bill, but now that I know who you are. (bleep) you."

"So the Bill that we saw earlier was actually Ghastly disguised." Delia realized.

"But why, Ghastly? Why?" Meowth asked.

"I'll tell you why…" Ghastly started "its because ever since I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a lighthouse keeper, and guide ships safely to the shore. But I had trouble operating the lighthouse in my training course and I failed. They told me to never come back. And Bill refused to give me a chance or let me be his partner."

The entire party of people were in tears "I had no idea. It all makes sense now" May said.

"No that's not why!" Ghastly yelled "I wanted to take over his research and use this lighthouse to summon the evil spirit poke'mon in an attempt to take over the world. I invited all of you here tonight to have you killed so you wouldn't stop my take over in the future." he explained.

"So it was you!" Ash said, finally emerging "Pikachu, show this punk the meaning of shock!"

"Pika..pikachu!" pikachu mega ultra shocked Ghastly into a crisp til his eyes were X's.

Then Ash threw his poke'ball at Ghastly and caught him "All right!" he threw the ball up in the air in celebration but it hit a ceiling fan, which knocked it out the window and into the ocean. "Ah crap!"

"Well this sure was one crazy Halloween party." Delia said with her hands on her hips

"What now?" Dawn asked.

"Find a partner and get it on!" Brock shouted.

Delia paired up with Professor Oak, Ritchie with Duplica, Brock with Lilly, Tracy with Daisy, Gary with Dawn, Jessie and James, Professor Elm and Violet, Professor Birch took some of the cheerleaders, along with Mr. Mime too. And Ash took Misty.

"Wanna be my partner?" Max asked one of the whores/cheerleaders.

The girl picked Max up and…held his head up to the ceiling fan, chopping his head off and knocking it into the ocean…

Each couple took hands and slowed dance together to the following song:

_Everybody loves somebody sometimes…_

_Everybody falls in love some how_

* * *

"This concludes a Halloween special of Poke'Scenes. If you're like me and didn't enjoy it, please don't say that in your review. Lie and say it was good. It helps the ratings." Professor Oak grinned. "Now it's time for fan mail."

"What's your favorite scary movie?"- ghostface96

"My favorite scary movie is The Dark Crystal. Never in my life have I been so creeped out and disturbed." Sam answered. "The next question is..."

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a cotton candy?"- nolife3

"I dont know, nolife. But thats exactly what Tracy is for. Hes my little lab rat. Tracy get on it." Oak ordered.

"Yes, professor". he sighed and walked into the kitchen to make him self some cotton candy.

"Good night folks. Have a safe and scary prank wrecking candy coma Halloween!" Sam waves.

_Sorry for the long long long wait for this chapter or any update from me, if anyones actually reading this. Ive been very busy since I got a job as a courtesy associate, or a cart pusher/collector at Wal Mart(its a tough job) plus Ive also been working on actual movie screen plays, since Im trying to pursue a career as an actual writer. One that gets paid. If it ever happens, Ill let you know. Love ya all. Awwwww_


	7. Team Rocket Finally Steals Pikachu

**Poke'Scenes**

_Keep your government hands off my dirty water_

Professor Oak sits on the edge of a mattress with a woman. "It's been awhile since I've been alone with a female."

"It's been awhile since I've been alone with a professor." The woman bites her lip in anticipation.

"I think it's imperative that I perform extensive research on the maximum penetration depth that can be recorded within you…" the professor winks.

"Oh that's so hot. Do me now." The two of them make out and get under the sheets, followed by articles of clothing being thrown around the room: shirts, pants, bra, speedo, thong. The professor positions himself on top of the woman.

"You're so beautiful." The professor brushes her bangs from her eyes.

"Oh research me, Sam. Research me!" she pleaded.

"Let me get my notes ready." He reaches for a pencil and a sheet of paper on the counter and sets it next to the pillow.

"SAMMY!" a high annoying voice pierces the room, and Tracy runs in. "Guess what, Sammy? We're back in business. We got a Poke'Scenes show to host."

"You've got to be kidding me. It's been 2 years since our last show and I haven't been laid since and now this happens?" the professor angrily vents. "Let me finish first."

"Sam, I flew all the way to Italy to track you down, and ahhh! There's a Snooki under you." Tracy shouts and points.

"I know. I got a job on the Jersey Shore since I've been out of work. Now let me work!" he explains.

"I'm sorry but I can't let you (bleep) Snooki and ruin your reputation. And by that I mean your penis." Tracy says.

"My name is Nicole!" Snooki yells at him.

"We're filming and you just broke character. The thought of (bleep)-ing Snooki was hot, not Nicole. My Viagra has worn off. Let's go, Tracy." Sam gets out of bed and gets dressed.

Tracy helps the professor get dressed(since he's old) "If you're gonna bang an Italian reality star, why couldn't it be Kim Kardashian?"

"There are several reasons. I'm not black, I'm not an athlete, and I'm old. I have a chance with Snooki." Sam explains.

"Then how do you explain me getting to tap Kim?" Tracy asked with a smirk.

"No way." Sam's jaw dropped.

"Yep. I brought the sex tape with me. I secretly filmed us." Tracy says, while putting in the tape in the prehistoric VCR beneath the television. Snooki remains beneath the covers watching un-amused.

Sam and Tracy sit at the foot of the bed watching. It's almost completely dark on the screen. Only moans and other sexual noises can be heard.

"I can't see her." Sam says.

"Be patient. As I recall in a little bit a car slowly drives by and lights up the room." Tracy explains.

Just as he said, a car drives by and ignites a light. The screen shows the woman's face, and Tracy behind her, pumping. The only problem is the woman isn't Kim Kardashian.

"Snooki?" Sam and Tracy say in unison.

"You didn't know we had sex?" Nicole asks "Remember we were hanging out and got drunk and you kept calling me Kim?"

Sam laughs his ass off "Damn it let's get out of here!" Tracy grabs Sam by the hand and runs out of the room.

Tonight!

Nicole Polizzi!

Bill O'Reilley

And a performance by Rebecca Black

And here's your host, George Lopez!

George Lopez enters the stage to erupting cheers from the crowd. "Welcome to Lopez Tonight. Thank you. Have a seat. Did you hear about the guy who was riding his motorcycle protesting the helmet law and then he crashed and died because he wasn't wearing a helmet?"

The crowd cheers.

"This is true. I don't have a joke. I was just asking. But moving on…"

Tracy and Sam walk out on to the stage, confused. "Um excuse me, George. I'm a big fan, but what are you doing in our studio?" Tracy asks.

"What do you mean? They moved you guys since you haven't worked here in years. They gave me the studio back on November 9th, 2009." He explains.

"But our last show was only nine days before that." Sam says.

"Nine days is a long time." George replies "They moved you guys across the street but then Conan took it. I guess your new home is probably at the welfare office."

The crowd laughs and cheers.

"Uh huh, and what's the address?" Sam takes out a notebook and a pen.

"He's making a cruel joke, Sammy" Tracy explains "well you listen here, Lopez. We're making a comeback, and when we do, you can't come on OUR show."

"Whether I'm on it or not, it won't make a difference, because no one will know."

The crowd laughs.

* * *

**Brock Oh-Mama!**

_Almost 4 years ago…_

The Kanto region was under massive debt and going through its worst financial meltdown in its history with record jobs being lost every month, thanks to the policies and wreck-less actions of President Fern, who abolished regulations for corporate conglomerates, lowered the income tax rate for the wealthiest people, and got Kanto into two un-funded wars among other things(like creating the fewest private sector jobs in any president's administrative history).

With the end of his second term approaching, a new election was shaping up. But no one was more admirable or likeable than Brock Slate, the former poke'mon breeder-turned political activist. His charisma, personality, smile, and stands on the big issues had elevated him to the top of the list.

"Difference is happening! Difference is what's coming to Kanto!" Brock enthusiastically speaks into the microphone at a large rally. "Free Poke'mon health care for all. Gotta heal em all! Gotta heal em all!"

Posters were made with Brock's serious face painted and the word 'Difference' below in addition to 'gotta heal em all' posters. He captured the attention of the country, especially the younger people which turned in to record the highest turn out ever for the age 18-29 demographic, helping Brock seal his victory to become the president of Kanto!

_Present day…_

Kanto was still a crippling country which had made some progress in the past 4 years, but not the difference that Brock promised, thanks in large part to his political opposition blocking most of the bills he wanted to pass to effect change and move the country forward. It was a frustrating first term for Brock and his administration.

Now Brock and his vice president Johnny Bravo sat in a meeting with many other members of congress, discussing poke'mon health care reform.

"I will not stand by and allow taxes to go up for this proven fallible socialist takeover of our poke'mon centers." The speaker of the house says.

"Only taxes on poke'mon items will go up, like poke'balls and stuff like that. It's a much cheaper and effective solution in the long run for poke'mon trainers." Brock argues. "I know. I used to be one."

"No new taxes!" the speaker shouts again.

"Man you need to open your eyes and compromise." Bravo says

"This administration is abusing its power!" the speaker yells "you're trying to take over everything and tell everyone what and how they should do things. You can't take our poke'mon away from us."

"When have we ever said anything close to this nonsense?" Misty(Kanto's region Secretary) asks angrily.

"That sexy mama knows what she's talking about." Bravo comments.

"Your party has made it illegal to carry more than 6 poke'mon at a time." The speaker defends his case. "Why not 3 or 5 or 8? What's the deal with 6?"

"Ugh!" Misty throws her hands in the air, becoming ever more frustrated with the speaker. "The only thing THIS administration has said on the issue is maybe poke'mon trainers should be harnessed with more limitations to prevent street battles and to help prevent poke'mon violence. More people die from poke'mon trainer influenced attacks in Kanto than any other region."

The meeting continued like this for over an hour with no compromise or progress being made. Just heated pointless arguing.

Meanwhile the presidential debates were in effect featuring such candidates as Jessie and James from team rocket, Ash Ketchum, and A.J the Sandshrew trainer Ash battled back in Kanto.

"Poke'mon are friends, not food!" Ash shouts at the debate "If elected I will install polices that limit the intake of poke'mon based diets people can have. If all your beloved Pikachu platters looked like a Pikachu and could shock you, would you eat it?"

"I may not like taxes, but what's the big idea with this free sunlight?" A.J asks "people shouldn't be getting those sun rays for free. People should have to work and pay for everything they get. In fact there needs to be a price on breathing too."

"I don't like the way Johto has been looking at us." James says in his turn at the debate "I think it's high time we invade them and show them how things are done Kanto style. We can't stand by and let those Orange Island liberal brain washers continue to influence those Johto wusses. I will put an end to that."

Now it was Jessie's turn to speak, and she was asked the following question "Where do you get your poke'mon information from?"

"Uh…well…there's lots of great information out there about poke'mon that the founders of this great region were so eager and willing to teach to all the young Kanto-otic sparkers out there." She says.

"I don't think you gave an actual answer." The questionnaire says.

"Well that's kind of a got cha question that doesn't have any relevance to this debate. Purple Mankey dishwasher." She randomly says.

The debate was looking lost and hopeless for the candidates, especially Jessie who had similar yet more radical policies than President Fern had.

One night Max(the president's chief political strategist) was invited on to the Bill O'Rilley show to discuss the current situation.

"So Max, you work close with the president and all that hoop-blah, tell me, is Slate confident in his ability to be re-elected?" Bill asks.

"Well-" Max was about to answer, but Bill interrupts him

"Taking into account that he hasn't fulfilled his promises to improve the country like he said in his campaign."

"Actually Brock has effected quite a bit of change during his first term." Max replies "He-"

"Look, Max I know the facts okay and the guy isn't doing so hot. I don't think he's a pin head but he certainly isn't the opposite of that. And I can't get my head around the fact that he wasn't even born in Kanto." Bill says.

"Bill please." Max rolls his eyes.

"He has 'Johto' written all over him." Bill says.

"Just because Brock is the first SINGLE president in history, you guys have to attack him like this on trivial things that no other president has had to endure." Max passionately tells him.

"Whether he was born in Kanto or Johto, I think this guy is a menace and he doesn't care about us. Thanks for coming on, Max." Bill sticks his hand out to shake Max's.

"(bleep) you, Bill." Max gets up and walks away.

Despite all the bitching about Brock's failure, there wasn't anyone running who was proving themselves to be worth voting over the current president and Brock's poll numbers got better. He would pass reform to make poke'mon health care free, end one of the wars they were fighting, ignite an economic surplus and get residents back to work. It was all looking sunny for President Slate…

"This just in! President Brock Slate has been caught sending a picture of his genitals to a woman on Twitter." A news broadcaster reports.

The story became the biggest media sensation of the year. It was the topic of choice on every news program and frequent target of all the late night talk shows.

"I have really got to stop talking about this immature, insignifigent plot point that's developed." Jon Stewart says on the Daily Show "Moving on to president C**k Slate's weekly address, nooo! Damn I can't escape it!" the audience laughs.

The scandal was poison for the president and as a result his poll numbers dipped again, and the opposition took advantage at debates and with their advertisements.

On election night… "We project Jessie as the winner, and therefore the new president-elect of Kanto."

"For my first order of business, I will legalize Team Rocket crime." Jessie says during her winner's speech in Viridian City.

"If you do that there will be a wave of unprecedented crime of all sorts." A brave journalist tells her.

"Team Rocket is not a gateway crime circuit. It's not addictive and besides too many harmless tem rocket members are thrown into prison for an otherwise tame activity." Jessie counters.

But, due to her corrupt and greedy ideas, and her ability to be easily bought by corporations and health insurance lobbies, Kanto sank into an even bigger down-hill spiral.

* * *

Professor Oak and Tracy each sit on their own lazy boy recliners at the lab. They laugh following the ending to the political sketch above. "I think it's accurate to say the R on Jessie's shirt stands for retarded." Oak laughs.

"Or RUDE." Tracy adds, laughing.

Sam gives his assistant an un-amused look "Rude?"

"Yeah, team rocket is always showing up where they're not wanted and trying to steal Ash's poke'mon. They're rude." Tracy explains with a sweat drop.

Sam gives him another displeased stare "That's the best you got? I sure hope people tuning into this program aren't aware it's a comedy or they'll be devastatingly disappointed."

"That's a bunch of Tauros!" Jessie shouts, walking in between the two guys on their chairs.

"Huh?" the guys turn to her in unison.

"I would not ruin an entire country if I held elected office. I think it's about time Team Rocket got their own positive skit for once." Jessie says angrily.

"You guys haven't even had any skit devoted to you." Tracy points out.

"Watch it Mr. Useless, I know where you guys keep the plasma ray guns. Now roll the scene!" Jessie shouts into the camera.

* * *

**Dream Rocket**

_Along long time from now, in a future far away…_

_TEAM ROCKET_

_Episode 1,246_

_Team Rocket was becoming increasingly obsolete in the crime world due to new organizations sprouting in the form of Aqua, Magna, Galactic, Magnet, Static, Helicopter, and so on…and because of the increasing numbers in the gang's competition, they were being forced to cut lots of expenses and make massive lay-offs that would add to the record unemployment rate the Poke'mon regions were enduring…_

_._

_._

Jessie, James, and Meowth were hiding in the bushes waiting for the approaching twerps to arrive.

"Prepare to have trouble." Jessie suddenly says.

"And get ready to rumble." James follows.

"To drill the earth with penetration."

"And make it leak like its menstruation."

"Will youse twose shut up. Here dey come!" Meowth shouts, and pulls their heads down so they're not in view.

Ash, Pikachu and his two new male and female friends walk down the path where team rocket has set their trap, completely unaware of the danger ahead. The new female companion appeared to be Hispanic and had insanely long hair resembling that of Rapunzel. The new male companion was the tallest of the three and had spiky blond hair and unusually large blue eyes, even for an anime character.

"I can't wait till I turn eleven." Ash says right before the ground collapses beneath them and they fall into a hole.

The group mumbles in pain. "What's a hole doing here?" the blonde guy asks, confused.

"I think I know." Ash says, and then pulls out a small guide book "apparently the terrain in this area is very unsafe." He says skimming through it.

Their question is soon answered by the accomplished laughter of team rocket, appearing over the hole. "We'll take that." Jessie says, using a remote control rubber extending arm-device to grab Pikachu from Ash's hands.

"Darn! Why didn't I hold on to Pikachu tighter?" he asks, upset at himself.

"Or at least turn away and dodge it, stupid puta." The girl adds.

"Thanks for the gift, twerp!" James shouts down into the hole, and turns to walk away with the others and Pikachu, who struggles to break free from his bind.

"Everybody grab on!" Ash shouts, allowing his friends to clench his shirt, and then in an instant jumps up out of the hole, landing safely on the ground. "Hold on, team rocket!"

The trio turns around "What? How did he get out?" Jessie asks, freaking out.

"I always!" Ash pulls out a fork and knife in one hand and a fruity colored handkerchief in the other and shows it to team rocket "have my friends with me!"

"Good for you. But we still got Pikachu." Meowth reminds him.

"Not anymore." Ash turns his hat backwards "Go Jirachi! I choose you!" he throws his poke'ball and out comes the legendary wish-granting poke'mon. "I wish I had Pikachu back in my arms."

Team rocket looks at their robotic arm contraption and notices that they no longer have Pikachu. It's back in Ash's arms hugging him tight. "Ahhhh!" they scream.

"Now, Jirachi, I wish team rocket was blasting off again!" Ash wishes.

Jirachi smiles and grants the wish, sending team rocket flying into the sky.

"Wow cool a genie poke'mon?" the blonde large eyed guy asks.

"Awesome!" the girl shouts and grabs the poke'mon "I'm tired of having to wash this crazy hair so I wish my hair was normal length." Jirachi grants her wish and she squeals in delight.

Next the blonde guy grabs the poke'mon "I wish I had a few more male companions by my side…if you know what I mean." Jirachi sighs and grants the wish, making three shirtless macho guys appear around him, to which he squeals in delight like a girl.

"My turn!" Ash grabs his poke'mon "I wish I was a poke'mon master!"

Meanwhile team rocket had landed on top of a parachute shop. Jessie sighs "I'm tired of this routine."

"Which part? Blasting off again or never succeeding in our job?" James asks.

"Or da lack of promotions?" Meowth adds.

"Everything!" Jessie shouts and sighs again "let's go punch out."

The trio flies their Meowth balloon to the team rocket headquarters in the region Ash and his new friends are now traveling in. Let's just call it the Dufis region okay? After finding a parking spot, the three get out and enter the facility, heading straight for the time clock.

James pulls out his work badge and Meowth hands him his so he can clock them out for the day. Afterwards, Jessie clocks herself out.

"I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow." Jessie says in a bored routine fashion.

"All right. Later. See you, Meowth." James waves and takes off his team rocket uniform shirt and throws it over his shoulder, walking to the exit.

"Take it easy, guys." Meowth also heads to the exit.

Jessie opens her locker and takes out her clothes to substitute in place of her uniform. After changing she leaves the facility and takes the bus home.

That night the once proud team rocket trio of Jessie, James, and Meowth each laid in bed in their own apartments staring up at the ceiling into the wee hours of the morning, being consumed with deep thoughts about their lives and career choices. So far their lives hadn't panned out the way they envisioned. Perhaps the team rocket crime organization was holding them back…

The next day it was time for work again and after their morning showers and breakfast, the three failures arrived at the Dufis region headquarters just as they left, separately.

"Goood mornin, Jimmy boy." Meowth greets James leaning against the wall near the entrance of the building, drinking a Starbucks coffee.

"Good morning, Meowth." James replies.

"Starbucks huh? I poisonally prefoi da McCaffes." Meowth says.

"Yeah well you know to each his own." James sips his coffee.

Next Jessie approaches the building, holding her bag with her team rocket uniform inside. "Are you guys ready?" she asks them.

James finishes his coffee and tosses it into a garbage bin "Let's go infect the world with devastation." James says in a depressed tone of voice.

Jessie nods, and she leads the two inside to clock in. After the three swipe their badges, Giovanni approached them. "I need to speak with you three." He says.

The trio exchanges worried glances and then huddles up. "Do you think this could be the big promotion we've been waiting for?" Jessie asks.

"Yeah." James nods "maybe we're being moved from field work to a crummy over-paid desk job."

"Wit ova-time benefits." Meowth chimes in.

"See me in my office." Giovanni says, walking away.

"Right away sir!" Jessie happily exclaims.

"You look lovely this morning, boss." James follows.

"You're glowing!" Meowth adds.

"Maybe it's Maybelline." Giovanni smiles and then snaps back "hurry up." He leads them into his office and instructs them to take a seat. "Due to financial limitations and cut-backs I'm going to have to let you three go."

The trio was in shock "But we've worked here for over 15 years." James tells him.

"15 years of below average performance and careless debt increasing numskull choices with no sign of improving." Giovanni explains.

"This is ridiculous!" Jessie shouts.

"You'll finish the day and then you're gone." Giovanni turns away.

"No. I quit!" Jessie gets up and walks out.

"You wanna be dramatic too, Jim?" Meowth asks, turning to his friend.

"Well uh I'd like to be eligible for unemployment." James says with a goofy smile.

"Good tinkin" Meowth crosses his arms.

Once the day was over and James and Meowth just sat around in the woods to waste time on their last day, they met up with Jessie at a bar to have some drinks. "I can't believe we were fired." Jessie says with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"What do you mean, Jessie? We've been fired lots of times. We were fired last week too." Meowth reminds her.

"But never face to face. This time it's real." Jessie tells him.

The three sigh. "What are we supposed to do now with all our costumes and rare bottle caps?" James asks.

"Ebay." Meowth blurts. "It's where I got dis." He holds up the charm from his head in his paw. The charm says 'cool cat-type' on it.

"I don't know about you guys but I'm gonna go pursue a new dream." Jessie says "team rocket was an endless despair pit of broken dreams anyways."

"Not to mention it was a bad job too." Meowth adds, not realizing Jessie meant the same thing.

"I too am going to inspire to achieve happiness in a new promising field of opportunity somewhere out there in this big world of hopes and dreams." James says dramatically.

"It looks like this is where we split. Will I…see you again?" Jessie asks, getting emotional.

"You will." James smiles, holding Jessie's hand in his "I swear."

"Hold everyting!" Meowth suddenly shouts.

"What's gotten into you Meowth?" James asks.

"I'm also going to go follow my own dream." He answers.

"Then it's settled, our new lives begin tomorrow, separately." Jessie says.

"Alone…" James says, his thoughts racing with visions of the past together.

"I want youse to have dis." Meowth puts something in James' hand "it's a rare bottle cap I saved for ya."

"And this." Jessie hands James a small silk bag "makes it easier to carry."

James holds both items in his hands and stares at them with misty eyes, trying to control his emotions "I guess you guys should be going now, huh?"

"Okay. Goodbye." Jessie smiles.

"I'm gonna go take a piss now." Meowth says.

And so the next day the former team rocket trio set out to pursue their own individual career goals after more than a decade of working together. Flash forward a few months. Ash, Pikachu and his newest traveling companions are walking down a dirt road to the next town to compete in contests or whatever they're doing now-a-days.

"You know what's weird?" Ash suddenly says.

"Those mysterious identical scars on both sides of your cheeks?" the blonde haired guy asks.

"No that'll be revealed in a future poke'scenes. I was gonna point out the fact that team rocket hasn't showed up in a long time." Ash says "I hope they're okay." His thoughts fill with worrisome possibilities.

Speaking of whom, the group would happen to stumble upon one of those former T.R members. Meowth had a little stand set up and a grill, cooking and selling food to travelers, living out his dream of being a chef. "Tank you!" he thanks a customer after making another sell.

"Are you hungry Pikachu?" Ash asks.

"Chuu" Pikachu nods with a smile.

Meowth notices the approaching group of familiar former foes. He gives them a pleasant smile "I got burgers and fresh ripe berries for you hungry poke'mon trainers." He tells them.

"Yeah could I get five burgers and some berries for my Pikachu?" Ash asks "and what do you guys want?" he turns around to face his friends.

"Burgers." They reply in unison, and then look into one another's eyes and blush.

"We're in perfect sync." The girl says.

"Who cares? I spoke in unison with my old friends all the time." Ash says "It's not that big a deal."

"Here's your food. That'll be 16 dollars." Meowth says.

Ash pays Meowth and finds a table for him and his friends to eat at. The humans enjoyed their burgers and talked about poke'mon related subjects per usual when Pikachu started to express pain and held his stomach.

"Pika…" Pikachu groans.

"Pikachu are you okay?" Ash asks concerned.

Meowth meanwhile continues to cook and then looks down at his bag of berries and realizes he made a mistake. "Uh oh. I accidentally gave dat twoip's Pikachu da poison berries I use to get rid of poke'thieves." He sweat drops.

Ash rushes his Pikachu to the nearby poke'mon center with the others. He runs inside and gives him to Nurse Joy who quickly takes him to the back on a rolling cart. "All right rookie I've got an ill-stomach Pikachu for you to tend to." Joy says.

Jessie turns around, wearing a nurse uniform "Okay I-"

"I'll be right back." Joy rushes off.

Jessie follows Joy's trail and looks through the window of the emergency room door to see Ash and realizes it's his Pikachu she's tending to. "My first patient is…the twerp's Pikachu? Ironic."

"Could I get your name please?" Joy asks.

"Its Ash Ketchum, ma'am." Ash smiles.

Joy was about to enter his name, but froze "You're Ash Ketchum?" she asks.

"Yeah. Do you recognize me from the news? I save the world a lot." He puts a hand on the back of his head and blushes.

"No, you're in big trouble, sir. You haven't paid a single poke'mon center hospital bill." She explains.

Ash gasps while his friends cover their mouths to hide their laughter. "I thought it was free." He claims.

Joy grabs a phone and calls the cops. It isn't long before an officer arrives. In the form of former team rocket employee: James.

"James?" Ash's jaw hangs down.

"Its officer James now twerp." James cuffs Ash's hands behind his back "You have the right to remain silent and all that."

"James!" Jessie whispers loudly from the back door "Come here." She gestures.

"Huh?" James tilts his head "I'll be right back. Hold tight." He walks away.

"Hurry up!" Ash shouts.

James walks into the room "Hi, Jes." He smiles.

"James I have Ash's Pikachu completely immobilized. We could finally give it to the boss and get that big bonus." She tells him.

"But we don't work for team rocket anymore. Remember?"

"This move will get us our jobs back. And then you, me, and Meowth could travel the world together again…" Jessie says, becoming emotional.

"I miss our adventures. I miss you guys." James lowers his head "Let's do it." he lifts his head back up with a determined look in his eyes. "Call Meowth."

With all the coincidences lining up, Jessie, James, and Meowth were finally able to capture Pikachu and under unusual cirumstances. James took Ash in for arrest, and then the old gang was re-united and transferred the idol Pikachu to the team rocket headquarters.

"This is all you brought me?" Giovanni slams his fist on the desk of his office in the presence of the trio and the ill Pikachu in a cage.

"It may not look like much but it avoided capture for years and blasted us off more times than there are stars in the sky." Jessie explains.

"I only want powerful and legendary poke'mon. Not this puny little rat. Now leave and never come back or I'll have you literally terminated." Giovanni threatens and takes the cage with Pikachu away to store him in a poke'mon cell.

The disappointed trio exchanges the all too familiar glances of failure and heartbreak. "Let's go guys."

The following day…

Ash sits on a bench alone, sulking over the loss of his best friend. "Pikachu…"

"Pika pi!" Pikachu runs to his master and leaps into his unsuspecting arms.

"Pikachu you're okay!" Ash laughs happily "but how did you…" he turns his head to see Jessie, James, and Meowth standing there. "Team raw-"

"Not anymore." Jessie interrupts.

"We saved your Pikachu from those dastardly villains." James explains.

"Three bad poke-nappers stole Pikachu and we saved him. And those three bad guys are gone forever." Jessie furthers.

"Wow you guys are awesome!" Ash smiles and then he kicks his foot at the dirt "um so I was wondering, if you guys aren't going anywhere in particular that maybe you want to sort of uh…" he rubs the back of his neck "travel around with me?"

The trio becomes teary eyed at the question they never dreamed would be asked by the one they tormented for so long "We'd love to." Meowth finally answers.

"What happened to the other two?" Jessie asks.

"I left them behind in the woods because they were wrestling each other naked in their tent and when I tried to stop them from fighting they told me to go away. So screw them!" Ash explained.

Jessie and James smile at each other, as if to say silently to one another that Ash is stupid and it's going to be a lot of fun traveling around with their new friend on a poke'mon journey and be a part of something wonderful.

* * *

"Now that's more like it." Jessie says in the lab after the first Poke'Scenes team rocket skit ever "I hope those stupid greedy…I mean wonderful intelligent producers in Japan will see that short and use it for the real Poke'mon series." She smiles and then whispers "then maybe I'll get paid more."

"As dumb an idea as that sounds…the show can't get any worse. Roll the next scene." The professor says.

* * *

**Misty's First**

_(This is a parody of my most successful fic, Ash's First-or at least the concept of it)_

In another grossly disturbing repetitive trend, it was a beautiful day in Pallet Town(with the exception in the fic 'When It Rains' by abbylicious which is a beautiful well written AAMRN). Ash sits at the kitchen table with his best friends Brock and Pikachu eating the breakfast his mom made them.

"So what do you want to do today, Brocko?" Ash asks while stuffing a pancake into his mouth. "Watch some poke'mon battles on ESPN Classic, or ooh! Battle each other? We haven't done that in a long time."

"I think we should have a party." Brock replies. "With some young horny energetic men and women."

"I don't know if my mom would be okay with that, especially since she isn't any of those things herself." Ash says with a half frown.

"Ask her." Brock says, as Delia walks into the kitchen.

"Hey mom…" Ash starts "would it be all right if we had a party?"

"A party?" Delia asks "Absolutely! I'll go to the store and get you kids some booze. The contacts book is in the living room on the computer desk, and I'll go stay the night at Professor Oak's. Be right back!" she quickly gets her shoes on and sprints out the door to the store.

"Wow she's more than just a milf. She's a super milf." Brock smiles.

"What's a milf?" Ash asks, confused.

"Uhh…a milf is a mom you lust for. I'd like to have a mom like that is what I'm saying." Brock chuckles nervously.

"My mom is your mom, Brock. She's always open for you." Ash puts a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder. This statement fills Brock's mind with tantalizing thoughts.

That evening the party had started after all the guests arrived in the forms of Misty, May, Dawn, Gary, Tracy, and Iris. Pikachu and Mr. Mime were locked out in the backyard in order not to expose their innocent little minds to the alcohol consumption and the results of its effect.

"So me and Drew finally went all the way last week." May blurts as a bulk of alcohol courses through her system.

"I just did it with my sexy new lab partner." Tracy reveals.

"I've got a nymphomaniac girlfriend back in Pewter City." Brock says.

"Oh yeah? Well I've done it with all my cheerleaders." Gary brags like they were having a contest.

"And I'm a slut." Dawn chimes in.

"Do we really have to talk about this?" Misty asks, getting annoyed "Why can't we discuss politics or climate change. And this season of Poke'mon Idol has been the best yet, even without Simon Bowel."

"What exactly were we talking about anyways?" Ash asks with a serious over-tone.

"Why don't you tell us about your sex adventures, Misty?" May says, increasing curiosity from the others.

"I'll be right back. All this apple juice is going straight through me." Ash gets up and walks to the bathroom.

"Um-" Misty grows nervous.

"Have you done it with a random sexy muscular sailor out on the dock?" Dawn asks.

"Well I-sure." Misty sweat drops and feels her face getting hot.

"So what was it like?" Iris asks with her chin resting on her palms.

"You know…it felt good, and he moved a lot and I expressed my satisfaction with him. Moving on." Misty laughs nervously. "Oh I think Ash is done. My turn!" she gets up off the couch and runs down the hall into the vacant bathroom.

Ash meanwhile was in his room changing his shirt that he accidentally spilled apple juice on. One of his sexual fantasies was for a girl to walk in on him when he was changing and then insist on having sex with him, so he decided to change his entire outfit to increase the odds of a girl walking in. But now he was completely dressed and no girl walked in.

He sighs and starts walking back to the door when something catches his eye. He walks over to his bed and notices a journal sticking out of Misty's back pack. He hesitated and thought hard about whether he should read it. A few seconds later he grabbed it and opened it up. He flips through and skims the pages of Misty's diary.

The two most common words he spotted was his own name and the word LOVE, but he considered it to be too boring and girly for him to read the details, so he kept flipping through the diary. Then he spotted something shocking, and gasped…

"Guys!" Ash runs back into the living room "You'll never guess what I just found out!"

"Your mom is a milf." Tracy says.

"No Brock told me that earlier. But, I was invading Misty's privacy by reading her most secret and illusive thoughts in her diary and discovered that the pale skin monster short shorts girl you all know and love is a squeaky clean virgin!"

The house fills with gasps "So that explains why she wouldn't let me eat those cherries she brought from home." Brock says.

Misty walks back into the room "So while I was gone I made a list of interesting topics to discuss…why are you all staring at me like that?"

The group exchanges smirks between one another "Misty you're a virgin?" Dawn asks.

"What? How do you know that?" Misty asks, blushing.

"Ash told us he read it in your diary." May rats him out.

"You boozer!" Misty grasps Ash by the collar of his shirt.

"Misty wait. It was an accident." He says with a sweat drop. "it was one of those trip and fall scenarios…but seriously though how have you never got laid? Even I've gotten some action."

Misty releases her hold on him, causing him to hit the floor "What's the big deal? It's just sex. I'm not a dirty little whore like all these other girls." She points to the other three females.

"If you were maybe you wouldn't be absent from the series for the past decade." Gary points out.

"Excuse me?" Misty raises her fist to punch him.

"Misty wait. Maybe Gary has a point. Now calm down." Brock says, stepping in between the two "the best thing to do in these kinds of situations is to reverse the defect…by having some hot sex."

"What!" Misty's face turns bright red with both embarrassment and anger.

"Perhaps I could help you evolve into a slut with some help from my evolution stone." Brock smiles and winks, taking her hand in his.

May grabs Brock by the ear and pulls him away "if you keep that up you'll wind up stoned...by rocks."

"Hey, bitch that's my job!" Misty shouts.

"Mate with me, Misty." Tracy pleads "and you'll find out what my big DRAW is." He laughs.

"Look no further than yours truly" Gary says "most women are willing to pay a fortune to mate with me, but I'll give you a free sample."

"That's quite all right guys." Misty says with her teeth gritted, getting very annoyed with the situation.

"Ha!" Ash puts his hands on his hips "If you want hot, I have no sexually transmitted diseases. Does that turn your girl geyser on?"

"No! leave me alone all of you!" Misty runs down the hall just avoiding running into Tracy and into Ash's bedroom, locking the door behind her.

"What's wrong with Misty?" Ash asks, concerned.

"Hmm." Brock rubs his chin "I get the feeling that maybe she wants to stay a virgin."

"Oh. Really?" Ash says, mildly surprised.

Time passes and Misty lay on Ash's bed staring blankly at the ceiling as her thoughts consume her 'I can't believe those guys' she thinks 'I'm saving myself for the right guy. Not some horny insensitive boys…although I really would like to get ****ed!' she smiles at the thought.

An hour or so later, Misty had fallen asleep, but she was awoken by the picking of the lock on the door. The figure made their way inside the room, shutting the door. It was too dark to see who it was.

"Who's there?" Misty asks.

The next thing she knew, the mysterious figure had crawled into bed with her and applied his lips to hers. It wasn't long before they were undressed, making out passionately. Misty felt penetration, surrendering her cherry to the mystery man…

The next morning Misty woke to find her bed empty. She smiles and gets dressed to head outside the room. "Good morning everyone!" she exclaims.

"You're in a good mood." May says, recognizing Misty's blooming spirit.

"That's because I am no longer innocent." Misty says with a smile.

"Did you watch Hostel last night? That movie ended my childhood too." Ash says, trying to suppress the memory.

"No I had sex!" she shouts, grabbing Pikachu off the table and kissing him on the lips.

"You tramp you. Who's the lucky guy?" Brock asks.

Misty blushes "I…don't know. It was dark you see, and…I don't know."

The four guys look at one another. "Guilty!" Ash raises his hand.

"Ash Ketchum you dog-type!" Misty wraps her arms around him and kisses him on the cheek over and over.

Ash laughs cheerfully "I used my horn drill attack!"

"Don't believe that liar!" Iris yells, re-joining the others in the kitchen. "Because he is in fact lying to you."

"What do you mean, Iris?" Misty asks, letting go of Ash.

"I'm a hermaphrodite…" Iris winks, confusing the room of people, until one by one, each of them puts two and two together.

Iris out on Iris smiling…

* * *

Sam and Tracy stand in shock with their jaws dropped "Did that just imply what I think it did?" Tracy asks, horrified.

Sam breaks down into laughter "Oh my god that's hilarious. What better way to screw Misty than to literally screw her." He laughs some more.

"Professor that's mean." Tracy says, defending the first generation female protagonist.

"What do you care? Misty posts false mean spirited things on your Bulbapedia page all the time." Sam reminds him.

"Oh yeah that's right. She's a bitch." Tracy crosses his arms.

Sam wipes a laughter tear from his eye "Anyways, let's get on with the fan mail shall we?"

Did Ash really have sex with a Jynx?- lemonsquirt69

"I don't think that question relates to this series or Poke'mon but I'm gonna say yes. Next." Sam answers.

When is Misty coming back yo?- blondekid15

The professor sighs "For the last time never!" he angrily shouts and mumbles something about that person being stupid "Now thanks for those great questions, you intelligent fans." He smiles "stay tuned for the next passable episode of Poke'Scenes"

.

_I hope you guys enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. The first 3 chapters of this fic got plenty of reviews but in the last 3 that number has dipped considerably but I would like to bring this fic's popularity back up so you can expect to read some amusing chapters in the future that will give you guys a big role in one such chapter if everything pans out correctly. Also, don't forget to ask a fan mail question that can be funny, serious, and even off topic. As much as I enjoy coming up with my own stupid questions, I would enjoy it even more if you guys gave me your own silly questions to answer. See ya later!_


	8. Super Ash Bros

**Poke'Scenes**

_I'm bringing Misty back_

It's time for another Poke'Scenes but Professor Oak isn't sitting in his usual chair, instead he was substituted for Misty?

"Hiya everybody. Misty here. You're in for a special treat today. It's gonna be a wonderful episode of Poke'Scenes with B grade comedy and yours truly." She laughs.

"Hey, Misty where's Professor Oak?" Tracy asks, walking into the room with a note book in hand.

"Oh hey, Tracy. I'm your guest co-host today by popular demand." She explains with a smile. A caption below her scrolls by:

_Actually Misty is subbing for a very sick Professor Oak. He'll be back by popular demand in the next episode to re-claim his rightful throne and push Misty back off the cliff into the pit of no return where she currently resides in the land forgotten by Poke'mon writers…_

"So does this mean what I think it means?" Tracy asks with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" Misty asks.

"You and I are hosting together…sounds like someone is an orangeshipper." Tracy winks.

"NO!" Neo Namco shouts.

"Not even just a tiny little-"

"F**K NO!" Neo Namco exclaims.

"Okay okay let's get on with it already. Geez." Tracy walks away sadly and the show begins:

* * *

**Very Hotter**

It was a blistering scorching hot summer day in Pallet Town. It was so hot that sunflowers actually mutated because of it, turning into literal sun flowers that melted curious insects instantly.

Inside the Ketchum residence Ash, Pikachu, Misty, Brock, and Togepi were suffering. Even with the A/C on full blast, and four fans pointed at them on the couch in the living room. Brock only wore a pair of red swim trunks, while Ash had on just a pair of white tighty whiteys. Misty wore a yellow bra and a blue thong. All three of them sweat profusely.

Pikachu was panting and tearing off his own fur, which fell on to a yellow fur pile on the carpet. And Togepi was starting to smell like breakfast. Mr. Mime comes over with a broom to sweep up the pika-fur but in the process the broom catches on fire.

"Mime!" Mimey runs to the sink to put out the flame.

"I'm so hot." Brock complains.

"I'm very hotter." Ash says.

"I'm hotter than Gary." Misty follows.

"What?" Ash turns to her angrily.

"I mean Charizard." Misty says with a nervous grin.

"That's better." Ash smiles and happily sighs.

"I'm too hot to even get a boner from Misty's excessive skin display." Brock says in a dying tone of voice.

Misty groans "Could you guys rub ice on my body?"

"Do it yourself." Brock replies.

"Only if we share." Ash says, miserably.

"Fine. Just hurry!" Misty yells.

Ash goes to the freezer and takes out a big bag of ice. He opens it up and pours it up and down Misty's body, and then he lays down on top of her. Both of them sigh in relief. But their relief doesn't last long as the ice quickly melts.

"Damn it!" Misty screams. "It's days like this which make winter the coolest time of year."

"There's no point to lay on you if there's no ice." Ash says, disappointed and gets up off her.

"HO. MO." Brock teases him.

"Homo?" Ash asks "Is that a poke'mon? Like the evolved form of Ho-oh?"

Brock drags the palm of his hand down the middle of his face in frustration "Sure."

The boiling agonizing frustrated mood in the room took a back seat to heart pounding joy when the sound of an ice cream truck made its way into their ears. "Ice cream!" they shout in unison and rush for the door all at once, jamming themselves in between.

The ice cream truck stops in front of their house so the salesman can tend to the needs of a customer while the three poke'teers scramble and fight for position to get outside, throwing elbows and shouting insults at each other until finally they break free and run to the truck.

"I want a Pikachu shaped ice cream treat. I've always wanted to eat Pikachu!" Ash says happily.

"I want a big long popsicle stick!" Misty exclaims with joy.

"That's-" Brock is cut off.

"I know that's what she said ha ha." Misty says annoyed.

"I was gonna say that's what I want too. Why would I say that's what she said if it's obvious that's what you said?" Brock asks, confused.

The ice cream man gets back in the driver's seat and notices the three teens pushing their faces up against his window. "Uhh…" he sweat drops and the poke's walk over to the other side of the truck so they can get their treats.

"Ice cream please. With extra ice." Brock says.

"I'm sorry kids, but I'm all out. I sold the last ice cream cone to that kid." He points across the street from Ash's and drives off.

The kid laughs in evil delight "Mwahahahahahaha. Ah-hahahahaha. hahaHAHA!" the kid looks down and discovers that the intense heat of the sun has already melted his ice cream. "Waaaaaa!" he runs back into his house crying.

"So much for a tasty fudge stick in my mouth." Ash says sadly.

"That's what-" Brock speaks but is cut off.

"We know! That's what she said. Grow up, Brock." Misty crosses her arms.

"I was gonna say that's what I was gonna say. Geez Misty get your red head out of the gutter." Brock tells her "you're bowling a zero today on observations."

"Hey sexy." A middle aged guy pulls up in an unmarked white van and examines the beauty in underwear.

"Keep driving, pervert!" Misty points down the road, gesturing to keep going.

"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to the kid with the steamy scars on his face." The guy explains.

"Oh."

"Uh." Brock sweat drops.

"Want to come for a ride with me, son?" the man asks.

"Will there be cold?" Ash asks.

"Absolutely cutie."

"Okay." Ash takes a step toward the vehicle but Misty pulls him back by the arm.

"He'll catch the next van. See ya." She bangs her fist on the side of the door and the pervert drives off angrily.

"Great, Misty. Now what's gonna keep me cool?" Ash asks, glaring at her.

"Hey I've good a great idea." Misty says, with a light bulb appearing over her dead, zooming up further to reveal a random wild Haunter holding it, and then flying away.

"Quiet, Misty so the men can think of something. Hmm." Ash rubs his chin and Brock crosses his arms, trying to think of something.

"Err! Fine." Misty gets mad and storms off.

_Twenty minutes later…_

Ash and Brock sit on the couch again in a pile of their own sweat.

Pikachu sighs "Chuu."

"Thinking is a lot harder than I thought." Ash says, in a defeated tone.

"Maybe if you stand outside that guy in the van will come back and take us away to a water park." Brock says.

"Pika pi. Pika pi." Pikachu points to the backyard screen door.

"Huh?" Ash and the others walk to the door. He slides it open and walks out where Misty is laying in a beach chair in a red bikini set with a pair of sunglasses on drinking a Martini, beneath the sprinkling of water from her aqua poke'mon.

"Oh hey, guys. Did you think of something yet?" she asks mockingly with a smirk on her face, raising her glasses to eye the boys.

Among the poke'mon using their water spraying abilities were Corsola, Staryu, Starmie, and Politoed. Gyarados was also there, squirting out a soft layer of water from up ahead with the rest of its body loosely curled around the others as a wall.

And then there was Psyduck who just stood there off to the side with his hands on his head "Psy?"

Ash laughs happily "Great idea, Pikachu." Ash kneels down and pets the happy poke'mon.

Misty falls off her chair anime style(even though I've only ever seen that trait in Poke'mon so wouldn't it be poke-style? Eh whatever…wait I'm being told by extensive research that other animes in the past have in fact done this) "But I'm the one who-"

"You're such a good Pikachu. Yes you are. Yes you are. Youse a good pika-wika. Pika-wika." Ash scratches pikachu's stomach while talking baby-talk.

"Hey Ash why don't you call out your water poke'mon to help." Brock suggests.

"Hey that's a great idea, Brock. You're such a good Brocky-wockie" Ash pets Brock's head and then calls out Totodile, Kingler, and Squirtle to add to the water fun.

"What about…me?" Misty asks frowny, wanting a piece of the attention.

Awhile later all the water poke'mon had become tired and were running out of fuel, no longer being able to supply them with relief. The poke'mon lay littered in the backyard panting or passed out, with the exception of Pysduck who stood in the middle of them all. "Psy?"

"Great idea, Misty." Ash says with a combination of sarcasm and anger.

"Don't worry I have another idea." Misty says happily with an extended index finger.

"Hold that thought, Pikachu is being so adorable." Ash says, looking down at an exhausted over-heated Pikachu with its tongue sticking out. "Aww."

"Fine! I'm going to the beach by myself!" Misty storms off once again.

"Have fun at your shade-less hot sandy beach!" Ash shouts at her as she walks out of view.

"Uh, Ash. Maybe Misty is on to something. The beach usually has an ocean nearby. And the ocean is made of water." Brock reminds him.

"God bless you, Brock Slate." Ash picks up Pikachu and walks into the house "Let's go!"

And so Ash, Brock, and Pikachu caught up with Misty and walked to the beach to the tune of one of those happy go instrumental poke'mon walking themes.

"I don't even care if there's sexy girls there." Brock says "I just wanna dip my junk in a nice wet ocean right now."

"You can't pollute the ocean, Brock." Ash tells him and then looks at Misty "do you like the way I defend your precious water?"

"Well yeah, but I don't think Brock was talking about junk-junk." Misty tells him with a feint blush on her face.

The friends arrive at the beach but gasp when they see it's blocked off by caution tape. "Oh no how did the girls find out I was coming?" Brock asks, disappointed.

The beach looked like a crime scene with cops and detectives crawling all over the place. "I wonder what happened?" Misty asks.

"Yeah." Ash nods.

"Pika." Pikachu tilts his worried head.

"I'll ask." Brock walks over the tape and approaches an officer "excuse me, officer but what happened to all the Jenny's?"

"Ahh" Ash and Misty fall over anime style.

"Budget cut backs." The cop quickly answers. "The tea party doesn't want too many cops employed, much less female, now would you please step back behind the yellow tape?" he shoves Brock back over.

"Officer, could you please tell us why in the hell the beach is shut down?" Misty asks.

"There's been a murder." The cop says with a haunting emphasis surrounding it.

The trio and Pikachu gasps "Stupid victim." Misty says.

"Misty that's kind of insensitive." Brock tells her.

"Sorry but who the hell gets killed on a public beach?" Misty asks, angrily.

"Have you ever seen Jaws?" Ash asks her.

"Sharpedo's can't commit murder, Ash." Misty tells him.

"Stop him he's got a gun!" an officer yells, getting the attention of our heroes who watch a group of cops chase after a fleeing Sharpedo on the beach with a gun firing its weapon back at them.

"You kids should go." an officer pulls some red curtains together, obscuring their view. Zooming out its revealed that the entire width of the curtain prop is only ten feet.

"Let's go, guys." Ash sighs and starts to walk away.

"Wait, Ash. Let's just sneak on to the beach and keep our distance from the crime scene." Misty suggests.

"Now you're speaking my language." Brock smiles.

"Duh, Brock. We all speak English here." Ash says, and then follows his friends over the caution tape and a ways down on the beach to snag their own area to enjoy themselves.

"Come on guys! The water's perfect!" Misty runs toward the ocean and dives in, quickly swimming out to sea.

Ash and Brock stay in the shallow end, splashing each other. "I'm taking off the trunks." Brock says, and removes them with a sigh of relief.

"Bet you guys can't catch me." Misty eggs on her male friends, unknowingly being watched from beneath the water. The creature watches her legs kicking to keep her afloat.

"I don't think you'd want me to catch you right now." Brock shouts to her, due to his nudity.

"Can I take of my swim trunks too?" Ash asks.

"No!" Brock yells.

Misty floats there happily when her foot is tugged and she's pulled down. "Huh?" again and again her foot is repeatedly tugged, pulling her down over and over, appearing to be like a very large orange fishing floater. "Helllp!" she screams, but it's too late. She's permanently pulled under.

"Misty?" Ash calls and swims over to where she was last seen. There was nothing but an orange covered liquid growing in the water. "Ahh Misty blood!" he yells.

Under the water the mysterious creature chews on Misty's dismembered leg. It was a Psyduck with razor sharp teeth and a predator mentality. How ironic…

* * *

"I died?" Misty screams after the first skit of the chapter "I'm co-hosting this episode and I die in the first skit?"

"This show tends to screw people over a lot." Tracy tries to explain.

"That's a bunch of crap! What the hell!" Misty crosses her arms and stomps the floor with her foot angrily.

"To make matters worse you got killed by a Psyduck." Tracy reminds her.

"I know that!" she screams "I'm never hosting again." She says.

"Good we don't have enough hormone control drugs for you anyways." Tracy says quietly.

"What was that?" Misty shouts up in his face.

"I suh-suh-said I'll let you do whatever you want for the rest of the show." Tracy grins.

"Really?" Misty smiles and runs to the kitchen to make herself a bowl of chocolate ice cream.

Tracy sighs "But…the budget…oh well. Let's get on with the next scene shall we?"

* * *

**Bryan's Poke'mon Adventure**

_(the character, Radeg in this skit was created and owned by UpgradedGir )_

Come follow Bryan on his poke'mon quest as he journeys to be the very best of all time with his starter poke'mon, Raichu! But he's no normal Raichu, he's silver in color, making him a rare shiny poke'mon. And that's not all, he also walks out of his poke'ball just like a famous yellow cousin of his. And he talks just like a famous cat-type does.

But that's not all. Also in his party he carries with him a Kadabra! Which he uses to teleport him out of caves. He doesn't pay for stupid escape ropes. He's no sucker!

Also in his party is a specially skilled Surfing Pikachu! Which surfs! And next in line is his Slowking which also has the rare ability to talk and give suggestions to his master. And you can't forget Unown F which represents Bryan's educational feedback! And the sixth poke'mon in his party is just Jirachi.

But you can't forget about the poke'mon in his storage system where he has the likes of a non-surfing Pikachu, a level 8 Diglett, and a baby Togepi which he's neglected to care for and let take advantage of him like a certain famous shorty shorts lover.

Speaking of which he also has a Misty's Seel which he stole from a certain gym. He also has an EVIL Slowking which behaves in opposite to the other Slowking. Following that is his Kecleon which has a super long tongue and camouflage ability, who is backed up by his long-tongued ali, a Japanese Likitongue that cannot understand a word of English.

He possesses a Brock's Graveler as well who was also stolen, plus a gay Machamp and a STRAIGHT Machoke. And finally he has another Surfing Pikachu.

But that's not all! He travels with the likes of a female poke'mon trainer named Ashley who happens to be the daughter of ASH KETCHUM. And she has pink hair! She has a Gyarados and…other poke'mon too!

And lastly is the third traveling poke'mon trainer companion who is not a female, but instead a male named Radeg? He's a half breed Darkrai with the ultimate hunger for vaginal resources. With this he uses his poke'mon team consisting of Drapion, Rotom, Topius and other poke'mon I've never heard of.

Together they strive to achieve their dreams as the greatest unified traveling poke'mon trio…of all time!

"It's another normal type day for our travelers as they head to the next town to achieve their next goal."- Narrator

Bryan wore an old white and gold Laker's jersey that had the words 'F**k the' in black paint above the logo and an exclamation point painted on the side of the logo. He also wore a blue Batman mask and a black cape.

Ashley wore a red and white bandana on the top of her head with her pink hair cut off just under the back of her neck. She wore a tiny black vest outlined with red and a tiny yellow top that looked a lot like a bra, exposing all her skin below to her blue short shorts. Her red G-strings were visible hugging her wide hips. She had on long brown gloves that cut off just before her elbow with finer holes like her dad had, and she wore a pair of brown boots that crawled up her shins.

By her side was her father's Pikachu, appearing elderly with age weighing him down.

The third member of the group was Radeg, dressed in an all black leather outfit with a flat bill domo hat on his head which Bryan often asked if it was a poke'mon. The trainer had blonde hair and green eyes that stood out from his dark clothing.

"It's time to catch some poke'mon, bitches!" Bryan says happily.

"That word is offensive, Bryan." Ashley crosses her arms, as she trails behind him.

"Everybody says it though. Poke'mon poke'mon poke'mon." Bryan says.

"Ugh you're stupid. And why do you wear a stupid Batman mask and cape again anyways?" she asks.

"To keep my identity hidden. Someday I will remove the mask and reveal myself." He explains.

"We already know who you are." Ashley says, annoyed.

"You know nothing!" Bryan stops, turning around to yell at her. He reaches into his blue backpack with the word 'Hot Wheels' on the side and his initials: B.A written in sharpie. He pulls out a plasma ray shot gun.

"Relax, Bryan." Radeg says, sticking his hand in between Ashley and the gun.

Bryan gasps "My identity!" he points the gun at Radeg's face.

"Hey what are you doing? Trying to get us banned? I'm sorry. Now put it away, Bry…man?" Radeg sweat drops.

"That's better." Bryan puts the gun back in his bag. "Now as I was saying, bitches."

"What's that?" Ashley points up, drawing the attention of Bryan and Radeg to see a small cloud hovering a couple yards above them.

Bryan points his poke'dex at it: Stormy, the cloud poke' evolved form of Mist. No further information is available. "I'm gonna catch it!" Bryan pulls out a poke'ball.

"Wait!" Ashley stops him by putting her hand on the ball "I want to catch it. It's a water poke'mon."

"How do you know?" Bryan asks, followed by the cloud poke'mon unleashing a rain attack on them. 'Downpour, a water attack' the poke'dex says. "I'm still not convinced."

"Pikachu thunder!" Ashely orders.

Pikachu sighs and forces himself to get out of his resting position. "Chuu." He attempts to gather enough energy to use an electric attack.

"Hold on there!" a female voice shouts.

"Huh?" the trio reacts in unison.

"That's my poke'mon." a girl dressed in black and red says, walking up to them. She had dark hair and a darker skin tone than the others with big brown eyes. She returns her poke'mon to its ball.

"Rockelle?" Ashley asks.

"Ashley!" Rockelle gives Ashley a big hug "I haven't seen you in a while."

"How's your dad, Brock?" Ashley asks.

"He's fine." Rockelle smiles.

"I'll trade you for your Stormy!" Ashley has an arm full of her poke'balls.

"Well…" Rockelle looks at the balls, labeled with poke'mon face stickers to fit the matching ball.

"I'd be glad to trade you some of my DNA for some of yours." Radeg winks and grins at Rockelle, his sparkling white teeth sparkle.

"Um…" Rockelle sweat drops and smiles nervously.

Cut to the next scene, Radeg and Rockelle are in his tent which Bryan and Ashley watch shake and hear moaning sounds emitted from inside.

"As soon as he's finished we'll continue on our quest to become poke'mon masters, eventually reaching god-like status." Bryan says "we'll have statues made in our honor."

"We'd probably reach that level sooner if we weren't traveling with Mr. Gots to hump every girl he sees." Ashley tells him annoyed and upset.

"Let's call out our poke'mon so they can enjoy a world not made of metal." Bryan says, calling out his poke'mon: Slowking and Kadabra.

"So Raichu how ya been?" Slowking asks.

"I hate my life." Raichu says.

Ashley calls out Glaceon and Jynx, who quickly walks over to Kadabra and kisses him. "Jynx jynx." She blushes.

"Dabra!" Kadabra takes Jynx's hand and leads her behind a tree where they mate in private.

"I wish I had a female companion to do it with." Bryan says, jealous.

Ashley coughs.

"Are you okay?" Bryan asks.

Ashley rolls her eyes "Yeah." She crosses her arms.

"Perhaps it would be wise to recognize your friend Ashley as the opposite sex and make a move." Slowking whispers into Bryan's ear.

"Perhaps it would be wise for YOU to shut up!" Bryan yells at him "what would you know? You're the king of slow."

Slowking sighs.

Finally the tent opens up, followed by Radeg and Rockelle walking out. "You were amazing, Radeg."

"I try, but cannot match the quality of beauty that you yourself possess." He says, kissing her hand.

"Awwww!" Rockelle kisses him back.

Ashley rolls her eyes "Can we get going now?"

"Not so fast!" a familiar female voice shouts. The trainers look up to see a hovering Meowth balloon.

"Team rocket!" they say in unison.

"Give us your poke'mon!" James orders. "or prepare to fight."

"Skitty! That's right!" a talking Skitty who replaced Meowth due to old age exclaims.

"But I like my poke'mon." Bryan says.

"I'll take care of this." Radeg says and fires a black shadow like ball at team rocket, causing them to fall asleep.

"Whoa what the hell was that?" Rockelle asks, freaked out.

"Dark void." Radeg answers.

"But how did-" Rockelle is cut off before she can finish.

"I'm not half a poke'mon okay. Stop judging me!" Radeg yells.

"Uh whatever." Rockelle sweat drops "I'll finish them. Go Steelix!" she calls out her poke'mon Steelix "Send em flying with iron tail!"

"Steel!" Steelix uses its iron tail attack to send team rocket blasting off in their sleep.

"All in a day's work of a poke'mon master." Bryan swipes his hands together, accomplished.

"You didn't do anything." Ashley tells him.

"Uhhh Radeg, use dark void!" Bryan orders his friend.

Radeg shrugs and uses his dark void to put Ashley to sleep. "Wait why did I do that?"

"So we don't have to hear her yapping." Bryan explains "Now go Jirachi." He calls out the wish granting poke'mon.

"What do you want, Bryman?" Jirachi asks, not thrilled to be there.

"I wish Ashley could sleep walk and follow us to the next town. But no sleep talking please?" Bryan says.

"Very well." Jirachi grants the wish and the group continues on their way with Ashley sleep walking.

_(a spin-off fic of this skit is in the works so be on the look out!)_

* * *

"So…" Misty starts, standing by Tracy back in the lab "was Ashley my daughter too?"

"Hey it's not time for fan mail. Keep your mouth shut." Tracy warns her.

"Sorry. So what's the next scene?" Misty asks.

"How should I know? I don't come to the meetings." Tracy says.

* * *

**Super Ash Bros.**

Ash and Pikachu walk in the woods looking for fire wood so Brock can use to cook them food. But they couldn't find any loose wood. "I wonder where all the wood is, Pikachu." Ash says.

"Pika!" Pikachu points to his crotch and pounds his chest with his paw.

The two come across a giant ladder that led way up into the sky past what their eyes could see. They both stared up at the sky. "Maybe there's some fire wood up there." Ash says, and begins climbing the ladder with Pikachu on his back pack.

After a long climb up, they finally reach ground, which turns out to be a considerably small stage with floating platforms and a big tree with a face growing in the middle and falling blocks from the sky building a wall on each side, some with visible bombs inside them.

Ash reads the sign 'Green Greens' "What the hell?"

"Pika?" Pikachu was also confused.

"Well at least there's some firewood by that tree. Let's grab some." Ash approaches the tree and picks up some sticks, but suddenly the tree started blowing at him, causing him to lose his balance and blow away. "Ahhh what's going on?"

"Pika pi!" Pikachu desperately clings to its master.

"Heya!" a cute tiny voice grabs their attention.

"Huh?/Chu?" Ash and Pikachu see a small round pink creature with big red feet.

"Oh no. Jigglypuff!" Ash covers his ears.

The balloon like creature jumps up and flies over them before turning into ball with spikes and crashes down on top of them, sending them flying to the side.

"Ow what the hell? What kind of Jigglypuff is that? Pikachu thunder!" Ash orders.

Pikachu uses its thunder on the creature, causing a decent amount of damage. Then the pink thing eyes Ash and pulls out a sword. "Hi!"

Ash's jaw drops and he sweat drops "Ah crap"

The pink ball leaps up and comes down with his sword, inflicting a great deal of pain on Ash and knocking him over off the side of the stage.

"Pika pi!" Pikachu screams "Pika!" Pikachu uses his quick attack to ram the creature, and the two battle it out.

Ash climbs back up the latter and on to the stage. "Phew. That was close." He takes a sigh of relief and notices a giant oversized hammer. "Huh?" Ash grabs the hammer and before he knows it he's swinging it back and forth wildly, unable to control himself "Ahhhh!" he hits one of the blocks with a bomb inside which blasts him off to the sky.

Pikachu meanwhile finds a way to send the balloon thing flying off into the distance. He sighs. "Pika pi?" he calls his master.

Ash appears above a small cloud hovering over the stage "Pikachu!" he smiles "Thanks, Stormy." Ash says, and then hops off the cloud. But so too does the pink ball with feet off its own cloud.

"Damn it! I only have one Ash face left." He realizes(each fighter with a total of 3 stock and no time limit)

Pikachu and the ball guy return to fighting, occasionally it hits Ash.

"Hey I'm not a poke'mon! You're supposed to be fighting Pikachu." Ash tells it.

"Hi!" the balloon guy which I'm sure you all know is Kirby by now, so lets call him that. Kirby picks up a poke'ball he finds and calls out the legendary poke'mon, Ho-oh.

"Wow cool. I know you." Ash smiles at the bird, but Ho-oh uses a fire attack to end all fire attacks to blast Ash off into the distance.

PLAYER 1 DEFEATED!

Pikachu eventually avenges his master's short death with a combination of electric attacks and random items he finds on the ground. By the end of the battle he had 3 KO's, 0 falls, and gave 221% damage while only suffering 80% damage himself. His hit percentage was 49%.

Ash had 3 falls with over 300% damage taken, none given and a 0 hit percentage.

"You did it, buddy. Good job." Ash high fives Pikachu while Kirby claps in the background. "Let's get back to camp."

The two brothers made their way back, coming across a bridge. "Bridge of Eldin" Ash reads the sign. "Guess we have to cross here to get back. Let's go." he and Pikachu make their way across the bridge.

Suddenly they were stopped in their tracks when a tall evil ugly looking man by the name of Ganondorf stepped in front of their path with a comrade who carried a sword and wore a cape. His name tag said 'Hello my name is: Marth' both of them matched with blue outfits.

"Chu!" Pikachu jumps out in front of Ash in a battle stance and takes out a green head band which he places around his head and then tosses a green hat with a poke'ball logo on it to Ash.

"Uhh…okay…" Ash takes off his signature red and white poke'mon hat and substitutes it for the green one.

Ganondorf quickly grabs Pikachu and starts kneeing him in the guy "Ha ha!" he laughs.

"Hey you're supposed to battle with poke'mon. What do you think you're doing?" Ash's attention is drawn to Marth after getting hit in the back by his sword. "You asshole. Go Squirtle!" he calls out his turtle poke'mon, which starts to battle Marth.

But soon after a tiny falling star lands on Marth, making him invincible to attack as an instrumental theme plays in the foreground.

Meanwhile Pikachu has lost a life, but Ganondorf has lost 2 of his 3. When the super star wears off Marth, Squirtle manages to knock him off the side.

Marth at the other end gets blasted off for good when a walking bomb collides with him. Pikachu grabs a fan he finds and repeatedly smacks Ganondorf with it, somehow making escape impossible for the villain.

Squirtle uses this opportunity to use his skull bash and knock him off the stage, sealing a victory for the green team! I mean Ash and Pikachu.

"Wow this trip back to camp has been full of excitement hasn't it?" Ash asks, exhausted. He checks his poke'dex "Wow Pikachu. You had 5 KO's? Let's see 42 ground attacks, 49 air attacks, and 8 smash attacks?"

After checking statistics, the two continued on their way through what was known as the 'Green Hill Zone' "Camp is on the other side of that hill. Let's go." Ash leads the way, still wearing his green hat to match Pikachu's head band.

But, their crazy adventure wasn't over yet. A monkey wearing a blue shirt and hat appeared in front of them with a blue shaded robot behind him with the inscription 'R.O.B'

Ash sweat drops "Are you guys friendly?"

His question is quickly answered by the foes starting to fight them. Ash dropped his back pack with his poke'balls inside, and his knocked away from it. "My poke'mon!" he shouts.

Pikachu however holds his own and finds a bottle with a white ball inside that had an exclamation point colored on it. "Pi?" he shrugs his shoulder and throws it at the robot, which instantly pulls him into the ground and becomes immobilized.

"Pika!" Pikachu uses a thunder attack to blast the robot away. He then charges to save Ash from Diddy Kong who had Ash in a bind, slapping his face silly.

"Pika pi!" he jumps at them but Diddy Kong held a red circular device with the letter B on it. "Pi…" Pikachu fears for his life when the device is dropped and creates a huge explosion, killing the monkey while blasting the others off to the side.

Rob comes back but stops in his tracks when Ash picks up an unfamiliar kind of weapon known as a Cracker Launcher. "Hmm?" he pulls the trigger pointing it at Rob, which fires powerful fireworks at it. "Cool!" he fires it over and over.

Diddy Kong comes to save his friend with a flame shooting flower he found, burning Ash's ass with it.

"Owww!" Ash leaps up in the air in pain.

"Pika pi!"

Now save, Rob picks up a crawling ice block with eyes and throws it at Ash, freezing him into ice. The foes take the opportunity to smack him around until the ice breaks. Pikachu comes and electrocutes the two of them.

Ash starts kicking Diddy Kong in the butt "Take that you damn dirty ape!"

Then without warning two separate oversized hammers appeared by each other. One of them was black and the other was gold. Diddy Kong grabs the black one and Rob grabs the gold one.

"Uh oh." Ash sweat drops.

And then once again without warning the middle of the hill/stage collapses and Rob falls through the hole to his final death.

"Ha ha. Sucks doesn't it?" Ash asks, but before he can finish gloating, Diddy knocks him off the stage with his hammer.

Pikachu comes from behind him and shocks him off the stage to seal the victory with 4 KO's to Ash's 2.

Ash limps over his poke'mon "Let's get the hell out of here." He says, badly injured.

Eventually after some more random battles with crazy people and creatures, the two made it back to Brock and Misty.

"There you guys are! We were worried about you!" Brock says, running up to greet them with Misty.

"Ash are you okay? You look like you've been thrown off a cliff and blasted off multiple times." Misty says, concerned. She places her hand gently on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me it burns!" Ash screams.

"Sorry I was just-"

Without warning Ash punches Misty in the face. "Yaw!"

"Ow! What the hell?" Misty smacks Ash across the face.

"Ash don't hit a woman." Brock pushes Ash to the ground.

"I beat the s**t out of this bitch Zelda earlier. She was attacking me for no reason." Ash defends himself and then runs over to a giant heart item and uses it to heal himself. "Now take this!" Ash charges for Brock.

Brock sticks his hand out and stops Ash with his palm on his forehead "Ash settle down. What's gotten into you?"

"Yeah Ash stop being a jerk." Misty tells him.

Ash backs away from his friends and feels something by his feet. He picks up a green turtle shell. "Hmm?" he grins evily at his friends.

"Ash…what are you gonna do with that shell?" Misty asks, worried.

Ash throws the shell at them, crashing into and knocking them off the side. "Yyyes!" Ash high fives Pikachu "We're awesome! No one can beat the green team!"

"Pika pi…chuuu." A sweat drop appears on Pikachu's face and points behind Ash.

"What is it?" Ash turns around and gulps at the sight of Brock and Misty wearing red clothes now and both holding items. "Ehh…"

Brock had a baseball bat in one hand and lightly smacked his other hand with it. Misty held a 'BUMPER' under her arm which she licked her lip in anticipation of using.

"Run!" Ash and Pikachu run as Brock and Misty chase them down with their items.

_The End_

* * *

"Yeah beat his ass, Misty-girl!" Misty yells at the monitor, as the scene comes to an end. "I actually thought that one was pretty entertaining." She admits.

"But…I wasn't in it." Tracy frowns.

"Aw don't worry, Tracy. Maybe there could be a sequel and you could get a cameo." Misty comforts him with an arm around him.

"Orangeshipping?" Tracy winks at her. And then without warning a Bumper his hurled at him, sending him bouncing away like a pinball.

Misty laughs nervously. "So what now?" she checks Tracy's dropped notebook "Oh right. Fan mail!"

"It's time for…Fan Mail!" the narrator happily exclaims and then says in a bored tone "yayyy."

"Okay first up is from Kasumi Yawa who asks…" Misty puts a hand in front of her mouth so her lip flaps can't be seen "Is Ashley Misty's daughter too?" she disguises her voice with a higher tone.

"Hey you can't ask your own questions. Now check the inbox for fan mail!" the narrator yells at her.

"Fine. Sorry." Misty checks the inbox. "The first question is from Suq Madiq who asks: Ever heard of flossing?" Misty wasn't thrilled but came to a conclusion that it wasn't directed at her "I think this was for the Professor. Are there any fan mail questions for me?" she asks.

"Check the Misty file." The narrator instructs.

"Oh. All righty." Misty moves the mouse over the Misty fan mail questions and opens one up.

-How do you imagine Ash proposing marriage or dropping the hint that he wants to marry you?- Antiyonder

Misty makes a face like so -_- "Why would you assume he would do that or that I'd even like that?" she asks, offended. "But if I had to answer I'd imagine the two of us going to a Luvdisc Festival and I tell him that any couple who kiss during the festival when the Luvdiscs are swimming are fated to marry. And then he would kiss me. Awww." She smiles, and then realizes what she's said and blushes. "So moving on…"

-Why do you like Ash so much?- Moogleborg

"Next!" Misty erases the email.

-What would you imagine as a Pokeshipping moment for the final ending theme when Pokemon does end?- Skiyomi

"What the hell?" Misty says agitated. "There's more to me than being linked so some shipping." She opens up another email.

-What are your top THREE Pokeshipping moments?- adrenaline

"Ah forget it the sooner I answer a damn question the sooner I can go home." Misty says, defeated. "Very well…hmm there's so many to choose from…I mean! I mean it's hard to pick since you can hardly make out any 'moments'." She air quotes "But in no order 1, when Melody kissed Ash and I was boiling with rage and jealousy inside. 2, when I chose to stay with Ash instead of staying behind to live with Rudi. And 3, when I told him we'd be married someday too." She finishes and takes a sigh of relief. "Now stop looking at me." She covers her face with her hand "The show's over."

"Wait wait!" Tracy runs up in front of her "I have some things to say!"

"I'll take it from here, Tracy." Samuel Oak randomly appears next to him.

"Professor!" Tracy happily greets him "but I was about to tell everybody the big-"

"I'm feeling better now so you can go." Sam tells him.

"But, I'm your co-host and Misty is only guest-"

"Byeee." Sam waves and watches a depressed head hanging Tracy walk away.

"So now for a special announcement. The next episode of Poke'Scenes will be a special one. We're calling it the Poke'mon Achievement Awards in which it will be up to you readers to vote for all your favorites in a variety of categories that will be listed in Neo Namco's profile for a limited time in order to reserve all reviews for this chapter to be all about the content you read. Once there's enough feedback, the winners will be revealed in an awards ceremony format in the next show. So make sure you vote. If you don't, I know where you live. And I have a stack of green turtle shells. See ya…"

"And I might get my own spin-off fic from my skit today, bitches!" Bryan announces, popping up in front of the professor.

"Be gone you!" Sam throws a green shell at Bryan, knocking him away.

_Please check my profile for the award categories and nominees to vote for. If you don't see your favorite or just think something else deserves consideration, send me your write-in vote. Send me a PM with your votes, but if you do not have an account with this site then just check my profile and leave an anonymous review with your picks. Thanks (and also a possible Bryan Poke'mon adventure spin-off fic with Ash's daughter could be in the works so keep an eye out or add me to your alerts…or else I'm gonna throw a turtle shell at you)_


	9. Poke'mon Achievement Awards

**Poke'Scenes**

_Never forget_

'Welcome to the first ever and last Poke'mon Achievement Awards red carpet special. This is where all the stars arrive, dressed in glamorous fashion which in no way is insulting to the people living in poverty who have a less valuable fortune than the entire cost of some of the wardrobes you'll see tonight. This presentation has been brought to you by Nintendo. Nintendo, just do it! And Cartoon Network, is it in you?'- Narrator.

"Here we are on September 11th, 2011 at the red carpet for the poke'mon awards." 78 year old Joan Rivers, the signature red carpet…lady, says. "You can feel the excitement building as all the stars are making their way down the carpet. It's incredible."

A roar comes from the crowd outlining the outside of the red carpet and flashes from photography go off as Mewtwo enters, wearing a very nice tuxedo. He waves to everyone as he walks by, locking his other arm with a beautiful female human super model.

"Oh look it's Mewtwo wearing a very tasteful tux and oh how cute he's even got a little black bow on his tail. How adorable." Joan says. "And oh here comes everybody's favorite non Mickey non Stuart non Jerry mouse, Pikachu!"

Pikachu waves to the crowd and signs a couple autographs on his way down the carpet.

"Pikachu looks absolutely elegant and glamorous with his cute little red bow and a blue tux to boot. He's stealing the show here tonight." Joan says "And oh look he's got some extra blush on his face to really make his cheeks stand out."

"Hitmon-lee!" a Hitmonlee that appeared in the episode 'The Punchy Poke'mon' back in 1998 walks by.

"Oh this is wonderful!" Joan happily says "I've been waiting for an opportunity to interview Hitmonlee." she approaches the kicking poke'mon "Hitmonlee, it's Joan Rivers, the inventor of the red carpet. How are you doing this evening?"

"Leee." Hitmonlee's eyes fill with joy.

"I've always been curious about something. How are you able to talk if you have no mouth?" Joan holds the microphone near him.

"Hit? Mon…leee…" He sweat drops.

"All right move along lady." A man in a dark suit, ear gear, and sunglasses steps in between the poke'mon and Joan.

"Oh my aren't you a glamorous looking doll. What are you wearing?" Joan asks the body guard.

The bodyguard is initially hesitant and then replies "George Clooney, 1997."

"Just stunning." Joan says and walks back to her original spot. "Now let's check in with my daughter. Melissa I see you're there with the legendary Slowking."

Cut to Jynx holding a microphone in one hand and sticking her finger in her ear to hear the feed from Joan. "Jynx Jynx Jynx Jynx Jynx Jynx-"

"Wait I'm sorry, Melissa but what did I say that was a jinx?" Joan asks.

"Jynx Jynx Jynx." Jynx replies.

The show's producer walks over to Joan and whispers into her ear explaining that it's not Melissa, it's a poke'mon called Jynx.

"Oh my mistake. Go on." Joan says.

"Jynx Jynx Jynx Jynx." Jynx holds her mic up to Slowking, who wears a black tux vest and no pants.

"Well I haven't had much work since Poke'mon the Movie 2000 but I've written a couple books and made some public appearances in the last decade. I've teamed up with Ben Stine on occasion." Slowking answers.

"Jynx Jynx Jynx?" Jynx asks.

"Oh well I just don't like to wear pants, contrary to what my character says in the movie. I like to let it all hang out." Slowking explains.

"Jynx Jynx." Jynx winks.

"Oh thanks." Slowking chuckles "Maybe you'd like to get a better view of it…say later tonight?" Slowking winks.

"Jyyynx." she nods.

"Uhhh well thanks, Jynx." Joan says. "I'm here with the biggest stars of Poke'mon, Jessie and James from team rocket."

"I just want to say that I love you all." Jessie blows a kiss to the camera. "Now ask me what I'm wearing. I've been waiting for this moment my whole live for Joan Rivers to ask me that."

"You're gorgeous, Jessie but how can I ask you that when the man next to you is wearing a dress that arouses a level of curiosity and interest far exceeding yours." Joan says, looking at James who was sporting his signature cross-dressing style with a crazy bizarre dress on. "James what are you wearing?"

"Hi, Joan. I'm wearing what I like to call a bubble dress." James answers, wearing a 3D bubble dress. "It's made from a poke'mon bubble attack and I just had Mewtwo harden the bubbles with his psychic powers."

"Sexy and inventive. Terrific!" Joan exclaims and moves on to the next celebrity, an Unown. "Unown G! How are you?"

"Unowwwn." it responds as it passes by.

"Of course that's the unown from the episode 'Address Unown' in season 5 that fell out of the sky and bashed Misty in the head. That's my vote for funniest moment." Joan starts to laugh, getting an unusual amount of enjoyment from the memory.

Other notables walking down the red carpet were the two women that portray all the Nurse Joys and Officer Jennys during the show's run and the girls who play Misty's sisters, all dressed up in slutty dresses showing lots of skin.

Another familiar but mostly forgettable poke'mon character from the 2nd movie walks on to the carpet wearing skinny jeans, white gloves, and a black shirt with a red sweater over it, cutting off above the belly button, exposing his lower stomach. It's Lawrence the third, better known as 'the collector.'

"Isn't this just a treat?" Joan asks, walking up to him "You're the guy with the Mew card from the 2nd movie aren't you?"

"Why yes, that is me." Lawrence replies with a warm smile.

"You're looking very gay this evening." Joan tells him.

"I look gay? Have you seen what James is wearing?" he asks.

"Yeah but it's fine for him. He's James, oh wait a second now." Joan says, spotting a big celebrity "Speaking of Mew, here it comes now."

Mew floats down the path over the carpet in its pink ball/bubble/shield. It waves to everyone who tries to get pictures of it, but every time the crowd and the photographers snap the photos, the ball glows bright and prevents them from getting pictures of it.

"Damn what a waste." One member of the paparazzi says.

"Try throwing an apple or a pester ball at it. That always works for me." another guy says next to him.

This advice prompts the crowd to pull out apples and pester balls from their pockets and hurl them at Mew to break the shield.

* * *

"Live from the laboratory in Pallet Town, it's the first ever and last poke'mon achievement awards." the narrator, Rodger Parsons says "Ladies and gentleman. Your hosts, Professor Samuel Oak and assistant Tracy Sketchit."

The audience ranging from such people as Ash to Rocket grunt 4 to poke'mon such as Lugia to Diglett give the hosts a big welcoming applause as they walk on to the stage from behind the large screen projecting images from the Poke'mon series.

Tracy speaks first after the applause subsides "It's such a thrill hosting the first ever poke'mon-"

"Hey hey wait a second." Sam interrupts him.

"What is it, Professor?"

"Who said you could talk?" Sam asks. He clears his throat "As Tracy was saying in his typical boring screw up way, it's a great honor to be hosting this event tonight celebrating the greatness of Poke'mon."

The crowd cheers while Tracy frowns.

"But when I see faces in the crowd such as Max, Seymour the scientist, and Ritchie I start to wonder if this really is a celebration of greatness."

An awkward silence follows…

"Um so I get asked by kids all the time on the street how can there be a hundred new discovered poke'mon every three years when there was only 150 poke'mon for centuries. And I just tell them the same thing the producers tell me when I ask: just shut up and go along with it." Sam grins.

Once again an awkward silence from the crowd follows…

Sam coughs "It's a good thing there isn't any cricket poke'mon…huh?" he chuckles softly.

"Yes there is, Professor. It's called Kricketot. 401." Tracy informs him, and the poke'mon appears on the large screen behind them.

"What? That doesn't even resemble a cricket." Sam complains.

"Well it is a newer generation poke'mon. What do you expect?" Tracy asks. This time the audience laughs. Tracy grins.

Sam rolls his eyes "Anyways. This ceremony is being presented by Nintendo. And they would like to remind you as always there will be a new console on the shelves soon. They should change their name to: Give-us-dough."

…

"Because they're just trying to take our money." Sam explains.

"Sony and Microsoft do that too ya know!" an unknown member of the audience shouts.

Sam sweat drops "Moving on…the producers looked over the material for this show prior, and they thought it was so bad that even Cartoon Network decided not to buy the rights to show it."

A couple of quiet laughs emit from the crowd but nothing more than an additional cough.

"They…bought the rights to Poke'mon when it was…terrible…wow. Is it unfunny in here or is it just me?"

This time Sam gets his first big laughing response of the show, which makes him smile with accomplishment. "Now let's get our first presenter out here to give out the first award. He's a reoccurring character with a magnificent track record on the show. He's the Magikarp salesman."

Sam and the crowd applauds as the Magikarp salesman walks on to the stage in a nice blue suit and a blue sweat band around his head. "The first category tonight honors the best lyrical and musical talents of Poke'mon. Without catchy and memorable music, a show is as good as cancelled. Here are the nominees for best song."

.The Poke'mon theme song season 1, performed by Jason Paige

.My Best Friend, performed by Ray Greene

.Together Forever, performed by J.P Hartman

.The Time Has Come, performed by Marti Lebow

.Lugia's Song, performed by Lugia and Melody

"And the award goes to…" the salesman opens the envelope "the Poke'mon theme song."

The song plays: _I want to be the very best like no one ever was, to catch them is my real test. To train them is my caaause, etc._

The audience cheers as the distribution company for the album, the singer, and the writers make their way up to the stage.

"Joining performer Jason Paige on the stage are writer's John Siegler and John Loeffler." the narrator informs us.

Jason Paige takes the award which looked like a golden poke'ball and hoists it up "I am the very best!"

Loeffler takes the mic "I just want to say I knew I was gonna win tonight because I've practically written every poke'mon song ever. I was just hoping Lugia's Song wouldn't win because I had nothing to do with that. Thank you!"

Lugia and Melody sitting in the audience had their arms crossed and their eyes glared in anger.

"Ladies and gentleman. A performance by Weird Al Yankovic."-Narrator.

_Aerodactyl, Seel, Machoke_  
_Marill, Moltres, then Slowpoke_  
_Articuno, Ditto, Muk_  
_Flareon and ol' Psyduck_  
_Cloyster, Kingler, Shellder, Gloom_  
_Snorlax and of course Vileplume_  
_Zapdos and Charmeleon - Everybody Polkamon!_

_It's time to polka_  
_For Ponyta and Pidgey toooo_  
_Come on put on your lederhosen_  
_And try not to step on little Pikachu_  
_You'd better grab yourself a partner_  
_Like Tentacruel or Bulbasaur _  
_Bulbasaur!_  
_Hold on a minute - there's still at least six hundred twenty-seven more_

_Including Ledyba and Omastar_  
_Jynx, Bellossom and Magmar_  
_Geodude and Arcanine_  
_Jiggypuff and Mr. Mime_  
_Don't forget about Sandslash_  
_Exeggcute and Rapidash_  
_Lickitung and Porygon - Everybody Polkamon!_

Weird Al finishes to applause and cheering from the crowd.

"Hey the first celebrity I've seen tonight." Sam jokes.

Some soft angry mumbling makes its way through the crowd of poke'mon stars.

"Um our next presenter is perhaps the gayest non-James character from the show. Please welcome the collector, Lawrence the third." Sam steps aside to allow Lawrence space to the microphone.

"Poke'mon are known for only being able to speak their own names." Lawrence says "But when a poke'mon can speak English they become more appealing to adults. So our next set of nominees is very adult-friendly. Here are the nominees for favorite talking poke'mon."

.Meowth- "My nose feels like it's on fire."

"Meowth, you don't have a nose!" Jessie reminds him.

"Heh! My nose! What happened! The stink dissolved it off my face! ...hm? Ah! Oh yeah! I almost forgot! The cartoonist never gave me a nose!"

.Ghastly- "I enjoy keeping alive all the old legends that people have forgotten over the years. And If I do a good job of it, I make a few bucks as well." he opens a cash register.

.Mewtwo- the clip depicts Mew and Mewtwo fighting and charging up their psychic attacks to fire at each other when Ash gets up and runs to the middle of the field "Stoooop!" he shouts, getting caught in between the two attacks that impact him and turn him to stone

"Fool. Trying to stop our battle."-Mewtwo

.Lugia- "Only in the hands of the true chosen one will the ice sphere glow like the others. It's power awakened…"

"I have to go there?" Ash gulps, watching the three legendary bird poke'mon battle in the distance by the island.

"The choice is yours. You must go only where your heart leads." Lugia tells him.

.Slowking- "I could use pants."

The audience claps as the last clip fades out on Slowking. Lawrence opens the envelope "The award goes to Meowth!" the audience gives a big standing ovation as Meowth's eyes widen and he kisses his girlfriend, Skitty and walks up on to the stage to accept his award.

Lawrence bends down to give Meowth his award and push some stairs up to the microphone. Meowth climbs up them and grabs the mic. "Wow dis is incredible. After all these years wit da academy ignoring me for an emmy I finally have an award to worship. I dedicate dis to my late mother, Maddie. Dis is for you, mom." the crowd cheers as Meowth descends down the stairs and off the stage.

Professor Oak walks back on to the stage and to the microphone. "Now it's time to honor the media that started it all. Here to present the award for best video game is Tracy Sketchit." Sam walks away as Tracy approaches the mic.

"Tracy is nominated tonight for worst character." the narrator says.

"Hey!" Tracy glares "That's mean…" he clears his throat "here are the nominees for the stupid video games." he crosses his arms angrily.

.Yellow(game boy,1999)  
.Stadium(Nintendo 64, 2000)  
.Gold/Silver(color, 2000)  
.Emerald(Advance, 2005)  
.Diamond/Pearl(DS, 2007)

"The award for best game goes to…" Tracy opens the envelope and states very flatly "Gold/Silver." the audience cheers "None of the stupid game designers could be here tonight so I'll be taking this award home on their behalf." he walks off the stage, and then transfers to a full sprint when security chases after him.

"Oh that Tracy." Sam chuckles after walking back on stage "Our next presenter does not fit into the next category so this was the only way to link him to cutest poke'mon. Please welcome Meowth back to the stage." Sam steps aside for Meowth to walk back on the stage.

"Cuteness is over-rated." Meowth says "But it also makes girls like poke'mon so I wont complain. Here are the nominees for cutest poke'mon:"

.Pikachu  
.Togepii  
.Mew  
.Jirachi  
.Eevee

"The award goes to…Mew. I can live wit dat. Da cat-types representin." Meowth claps along with the rest of the crowd as Mew floats on to the stage.

Mew takes the award. Tears well up in his eyes and he wipes them away. "Mew mew mew mew. Mew mew mew. Mew mew."

"Mew says: up yours Pikachu. You owe me three bucks." Meowth translates and walks off stage with Mew.

"Pika…" Pikachu crosses his arms, disappointed.

"I believe Pikachu owes me three bucks as well." Sam says, reclaiming the microphone "But moving on. The next presenter hasn't had a steady job in almost 8 years. So please give a warm meal to Misty Waterflower."

Misty steps on to the stage in a blue dress while the crowd applauds and throws lunchables on to the stage. "Ha ha. Very funny everyone. Now stop or I'll gut you all with my lures!" she screams. The crowd turns silent "Thank you." she smiles "When I was told about this award ceremony I said to my agent poke'what? You see I've been doing modeling gigs for the past 5 years making millions of dollars and I completely forgot about my small part on Digimon."

The producer rushes up and whispers into her ear.

"I mean poke'mon. I've appeared in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition and in Playboy recently in addition to starting my own clothing line Misty's Secret among other things. I may be too big now to re-hash some old poke'man memories but I did it for the fans. And so now here are the nominees for best male character."

.Brock- he walks up to a group of guys talking about a Charmander one of them abandoned. He grasps the collar of a guy named Damien "Go and get it!"

"Huh?"

"That charmander is still waiting for you. Go and get it now." Brock tells him aggressively.

"Whyy should I?" Damien asks.

"You lied to your poke'mon and said you'd be back and now it's waiting out there in the rain for you. If its tail flame goes out, it'll die!" Brock says dramatically.

.Ash- he stands in front of an exhausted injured Pikachu laying in the mud as it pours down rain, protecting him from a flock of angry spearow. "Spearows, do you know who I am? I'm Ash from the town of Pallet. I'm destined to be the world's number one poke'mon master. I can't be defeated by the likes of you. I'm going to capture and defeat you all. Do you hear me?" he looks back at Pikachu "Pikachu go inside the poke'ball it's the only way." he turns back to the spearows "Come and get me!" they charge at him as the lightening strikes and the thunder roars.

.James- a montage of him in all his women's clothing is shown on screen.

.Professor Oak- "Every day it's cake and tea, just my poke'mon and me. You like?" he grins.

.Gary- being mobbed by the professor and others after foiling Team Rocket's plans. Ash breaks in between "I did better than you at the poke'mon leage and I got a trophy for defeating the leader of the orange crew."

"Congratuations. But that trophy didn't help you beat Team Rocket." Gary says.

"And the winner is…Ash Ketchum." Misty reads the results on the card. The crowd cheers as Ash takes the stage and Misty hands him his trophy.

"First off I just want to say that I don't care if this trophy doesn't help me beat team rocket either. It's still a trophy. And who's to say. I could probably throw it at them or smack them around with it. Those guys are so sensitive. They'll blast off from anything." Ash jokes, getting laughs "But anyways. This isn't that big a thrill since I already knew this was coming. I mean come on, I'm Ash Ketchum at the poke'mon achievement awards. I only play an idiot on T.V." he laughs and walks off stage with Misty to another round of applause.

"And now welcome back to the stage Ash Ketchum to present the award for best female character." the narrator says over the P.A system.

Ash walks back the way he just came from while waving at the cheering audience. "Every three years or so, I'm partnered up with a new lead female character. Sometimes tom-boy-ish, sometimes overly feminine, sometimes retarded, and sometimes bizarre in appearance. Especially the hair area. And I mean up North and down South." he winks at Iris and Jessie, sitting beside each other in the front row. "But no matter how much skin they might show, or how dumb they might be, or how girly they act, or how much hair they have…we still love them. These are the nominees for best female character."

Misty- she stands on top of a sky scraper looking desperately worried and frightened as a giant Tentacruel and its Tentacool comrads destroy a city. "Please listen, Tentacruel. This is enough! We humans understand that we hurt you. We wont destroy your homes anymore. We're sorry…so please…" her words drive the poke'mon back into the water.

May- (due to lack of footage and resources regarding this character, no footage exists)

Dawn- (due to lack of footage and resources regarding this character, no footage exists)

Jessie- "I can't find anyone to love me just because I'm mean, and nasty, and evil."

Delia- "Honey you're growing up right before my eyes, spreading your wings and soaring like a spearow." she says to her son through the video monitor to her son at the poke'mon center.

"I feel more like a fallen pidgey." Ash says, sadly.

"I wont let you talk about yourself that way." Delia says angrily "Just be confident. You can do anything you set your mind to. Do you understand?"

"Yes." Ash answers flatly.

"And are you changing your underwear everyday?"

"Yes."

"Okay." she smiles "Good night son. I love you."

"And the best female character is…Misty!" Ash reads.

"Yeahh! In your faces bitches!" Misty shouts to the likes of May and Dawn who angrily watch her walk on stage to a thunderous applause. She takes the trophy from Ash and the two both embrace in a hug. "This is for all the characters out there who have been tossed aside and forgotten by stupid writers. Thank you all!" she walks off stage with the trophy in one hand and Ash's hand in the other.

"Thank you, Misty." Sam says, back on stage. "Our next presenter is mostly unknown due to censorship issues. But that was in G-rated territory. And this is a T-rated environment. So please welcome the Safari Zone warden, Kaiza to the stage."

The warden comes out in his cowboy costume with real hand guns in his holsters. "Thank you. It's been a dream of mine to perform without being shut out by censors so I can entertain the public." Kaiza notices that the crowd isn't paying attention to him, but instead talking softly to others around them, which annoys him "Excuse me. I'm trying to present an award…"

The audience continues to talk, getting louder by the second.

"Hey…excuse me…(censored)-damn it!" he fires his guns in the air, silencing the crowd. "Stop talking or I'll shoot every last mother (censored)-ing one of you!" he studies the crowd to assure they've stopped "Thank you. Now our next nominees aren't exactly the characters you tuned in to see tonight. But who gives a (censored) about them huh? These are the nominations for worst character."

Cilan- a camera cuts to a shot of him in the crowd. Others around him clap while he smiles.

Max- cut to him looking very disappointed by the nomination while others clap.

Todd- cut to him trying to force a smile with applause around him.

Ritchie- looking un-thrilled as others clap.

Tracy- cut to footage of him getting beaten up back stage by three security guards. The trophy he stole earlier rests on its side on the ground.

"The worst poke'mon character is…" Kaiza opens the envelope "Ritchie. Congrats."

The crowd cheers but Ritchie just sits in his seat with his arms crossed and a pouty expression on his face. He is in no way thrilled to receive the honor.

"Come on Ritchie there's nothing to be ashamed of. Get up here." Professor Oak says.

"No!" Ritchie yells.

"Get up here now or I'll blow your (censored)-ing brains out!" Kaiza threatens while pointing his gun at Ritchie.

Ritchie rushes up to the stage and accepts his award with a forced fake grin and then walks behind the curtain.

"We'll return to the first and last Poke'mon Achivement Awards."-Narrator.

* * *

(the following presentation was pre-shot prior to the ceremony)

"Hi everyone, I'm Max. You know me as May's little annoying sister, I mean brother who has no poke'mon and no use in the show. But I wasn't gonna complain. It was a decent paycheck for a child. And I couldn't have been that bad. I hear I'm actually nominated for an award." Max says with a microphone in hand. "Follow me as I interview big-shot celebrities about Poke'mon. Come on let's go." he gets into his children's pedal car and drives off.

Max sits in a room with Pauly D from The Jersey Shore. "So Pauly D, are you a poke'mon fan?"

"Not really. But you know what I would definitely party with that girl in the short shorts any time. I don't even mind how pale she is either." he responds.

"So you're not a poke'mon fan?" Max asks "So trying to resemble Hitmonchan is unintentional you're saying?"

"After interviewing Pauly D, I set out to find a real celebrity worthy of his fame. And that's when I bumped into Vin Diesel at the super market."

"Oh my god, Vin Diesel. I'm such a big fan." Max holds his microphone up as high as he can.

Vin laughs and kneels down to speak "Thanks, kid."

"Hey Mr. Diesel…wow that's such a bad ass name, um we're doing a poke'mon awards special and I have to ask you if you were ever asked to be in a live action poke'mon movie, would you be willing to play Diglett?" Max asks. "You just have to be burried up to your neck and your set. No make up or nothing."

Vin smiles and then punches Max in the face.

"After my violent encounter with Vin Diesel I sought to find someone who wasn't prone to violence with no anger issues."

"It's nice to meet you, Homer." Max shakes the hand of Homer Simpson at a bar in Springfield.

"You too, boy." Homer says.

"I have a couple of questions for you involving poke'mon. Are you okay with possibly being over-thrown by Pikachu as everyone's favorite yellow creature?"

"Why you little!" Homer wraps his hands around Max's throat and strangles him.

"Save me…Buzz." Max says through his choking.

An Electabuzz comes from behind Homer and begins to strangle him.

* * *

"Welcome back to the Poke'mon Achievement Awards, presented by 4Kids. Censoring Face slaps and fake inflatable breasts since 1998."- Narrator.

The crowd applauds as we re-join Tracy and Professor Oak back on stage. "You know Tracy I think you're really gonna love the next award category."

"Really Professor? What is it?" Tracy asks.

"Sexiest poke'mon guy." Sam answers.

"I'm not gay Professor. I just like to draw naked men from time to time." Tracy explains.

Sam coughs "Presenting the award for sexiest guy is someone who is at the polar opposite of both those words, Jessie from team rocket."

Jessie walks up to the mic to applause "Hilarious, old man. Hilarious. Since the dawn of man there has always been the sexiest man to stand out above them all. From Adam in the garden of eve to Brad Pitt and Mickey Mouse to John Redcorn. These are your nominees for sexiest poke'mon guy."

.Ash  
.Brock  
.James  
.Gary  
.Danny

"And the sexiest guy is…" Jessie slowly opens the envelope. She gasps "James!"

James squeals his trade mark squeal and skips on to the stage in his bubble dress while the crowd cheers. "Thank you so much everyone!" he holds the trophy in his hands. "I want to thank God first of all, for assembling my sexy parents together to mate till I was born. Thank you thank you." he blows kisses to the crowd and walks off with Jessie.

Once the stage is clear, Brock walks up in a nice black tuxedo and takes the stand to present an award. "Women aren't only important in human society and human culture. But they're also important in poke'mon. They add an extra element to the show that makes it worth watching. And for your information, sometimes you'll see a young man get up half way through a poke'mon episode and leave. It's not because the show sucks. It's because he's in his room expressing his enjoyment of a specific part of the show. These are the well deserved nominees for sexiest poke'mon girl!"

.Misty-a montage of clips shows her in sexy outfits  
.May-sexy montage follows  
.Nurse Joy-montage follows  
.Dawn-montage follows  
.Officer Jenny- montage follows

"And the sexiest girl here tonight is…" Brock opens the envelope "Dawn!"

Dawn walks up to the stage while the crowd cheers, hoots, and hollers at her. "Wow I'm honored." she takes the trophy from Brock, who gives her butt a pat. "To be the sexiest girl in any anime series is quite an accomplishment since virtually every female character in Animes are stunningly beautiful. I wanna thank me for maintaining such an incredible figure and one more thing. Misty, you can suck my (censored)it. Thank you all." she walks off with Brock.

"The next presenter should be worshiped like a God, because scientific evidence points to that conclusion. Please welcome Poke'mon creator, Satoshi Tajiri."- Narrator.

Satoshi walks up to the microphone and the audience gives a big loud standing ovation. Once the cheering subsides, Satoshi collects himself to speak. "Good evening, everyone. I'm thrilled to be here tonight with all the products of my creation. But I have to be honest this is in no way an official award ceremony in my eyes and I would never put my name on such a humiliating show my self."

"What about the last several seasons of Poke'mon?" Tracy asks, standing nearby.

"You better be quiet or you'll be removed completely from the show." Satoshi warns him "I'm especially thrilled however to be presenting this next award. Here are the nominees for best Poke'mon rip-off."

.Yu-gi-oh  
.Digimon  
.Monster Rancher  
.Fighting Foodons  
.Bakugan

"And the award goes to…Yu-gi-oh!" Satoshi reveals.

"Accepting the award is the creator Kazuki Takahashi."- Narrator.

Kazuki walks on to the stage to accept the award. He shakes Satoshi's hand and then without warning Satoshi punches Kazuki in the face, knocking him out cold. "I've been waiting almost 15 years for that." Satoshi says and walks away.

"Uhh we'll be right back." Professor Oak says with a sweat drop.

* * *

WHO'S THAT POKE'MON?

_The silhouette of a mysterious poke'mon appears that seems to resemble an ice cream cone…_

_If you said VANILLISH you're wrong. It's a vanilla ice cream cone. It would be incredibly retarded if they ever made an ice cream poke'mon. I know the franchise has gone down the tube but they'd NEVER do anything THAT stupid…wait what? There's an ice cream poke'mon? -_- WOW!_

* * *

Back to the awards, Samuel and Tracy stand in front of the microphone on stage. "The next presenter is without a doubt the most coolest thing here tonight. He's hated by religious people for being cloned and hated by atheists for questioning his existence and trying to take over the planet. On that same note he's also loved by religious people for trying to take over the planet. He's Mewtwo."

"Hey professor. Why is Mewtwo the 150th poke'mon and Mew number 151 if Mew came first?" Tracy asks.

"Tracy you know the rules. It's not fan mail time yet." Sam replies.

Mewtwo floats down from above on to the stage with glowing blue eyes. "My first order of business regards unlocking a mystery I've longed searched for. Is the designer of my original poke'mon card in attendance tonight?" he asks.

"Yeah that was me." an unnamed man stands up and raises his hand in the crowd.

Mewtwo quickly fires a psychic attack at him, causing him to disappear, to the crowd's horror. "That's for only giving me 60 hit points. I'm Mewtwo for (censored) sake! My psychic attack isn't that weak either. Level 53? Give me a break!" Mewtwo destroys the card he holds in his hand "I did like the added inches to my height though. But if I was really 6'7 I'd be a small forward in the NBA."

The crowd laughs.

"I'm not joking. Go Clippers. Here are the nominees for worst poke'mon."

.Magikarp  
.Burmy  
.Seedot  
.Drifloon  
.Vanillish

"And the worst poke'mon of all time is…the ice cream cone. Vanillish." Mewtwo chuckles flatly. An ice cream man pushes a cart/freezer on to the stage and opens it up to reveal an ice cream cone with a freaky disturbing face. Mewtwo places the trophy next to Vanillish and the ice cream man pushes the cart back-stage.

"Our next award category is for best shipping." Samuel Oak says. "We thought long and hard about who could present the award. The conflict lead to some research to discover the first time the 'shipping' term was used. The most notable origin comes from the fans of the X-files who shipped Mulder and Scully together. So we invited the creator of the X Files, Mr. Chris Carter to present this award." Sam steps aside.

Chris Carter walks up to the mike to applause and the X-Files theme playing over the speakers. He sighs "The nominees are…"

.Pokeshipping(AshxMisty)  
.Rocketshipping(JessiexJames)  
.Advanceshipping(AshxMay)  
.Pearlshipping(AshxDawn)  
.Eldershipping(DeliaxProfessor Oak)

Ash crosses his fingers in the audience "I have a 60% chance of winning." he says quietly.

"And the winner is…" Chris Carter opens the envelope slowly "Pokeshipping. Can I go now?"

"Oh my god yes!" Ash jumps out of his seat and runs on to the stage to join Misty in celebrating their win with a big hugging embrace.

"This is both Ash and Misty's second win tonight. They also won for best male and female characters."- Narrator.

"When I say the following…" Misty says while holding the trophy "I'm not referring to rocketshipping or eldershipping but…duhh!" she laughs and kisses the trophy before heading back to her seat with Ash and the trophy.

Professor Oak steps back to the mike. "I'm here to present perhaps my favorite award of the night, which is for best quote. I myself have contributed many memorable lines to the series. Let's take a look." he turns around to watch the screen:

After Mr. Mime saved Mrs. Ketchum's garden from team rocket the professor says "Mr. Mime sure did a nice job guard-en-in for you. Get it? Gardening?" he laughs along with everyone else who I'm sure are pretending to laugh.

"That was improv by the way. It was all me." Sam brags.

"Hey professor." Tracy walks up beside him "You don't have a nominated quote."

"What? But I'm the lyrical genius of this poke'scheme." Sam states angrily. "What ever."

"The nominees for best quote are…"- Narrator

.Dexter- "A forest poke'mon, rattata. It likes cheese, fruit, nuts, and berries."

"Yeah but this isn't a forest. It's an open field."- Ash.

"_It also comes out into open fields to steal food from STUPID travelers."_

.Ash- "What'cha doin?"

"Writing identical letters to Emily and Ralph. It's the perfect way to get these two together!"- Misty

"You really think it'll work?"

Misty grabs him by the collar "Of course it'll work! Ralph and Emily are both going to get a letter. A love letter from each other!" she drops him.

_"But couldn't you get arrested for mail fraud?"_

.Jessie- "Just once, I'd like to make a dramatic exit that doesn't involve a life-threatening explosion."

.Ash- "It's following Pikachu around, like it's a streaker or something."

"Ash you mean a stalker!"- Brock

.Flint- "That will be a two dollar charge for resting on my rocks."

"The best quote goes to…" Tracy opens the envelope "Dexter, AKA Poke'dex!"

"This is the first inanimate object to win an award ever."- Narrator.

A beautiful woman in a red sparkling dress carries the Poke'dex up the stairs on to the stage while the audience applauds. She walks up to the mike for Dex to speak.

"Winner, a person or thing that wins something, and the others can suck it."- Dexter identifies and is then carried off the stage by the woman with the trophy in her other hand.

"Congratulations, Dexter." Tracy says, back in front of the mike. "Since the next category is for saddest moment in poke'mon, we wanted to have someone present it who is always in a good mood. And who is more in a disturbing level of good mooded-ness than that gym leader from the orange islands, Danny."

Danny walks out to the mike. "Good evening everyone. It took me a lot of strength to come out here tonight since I'm dealing with a family tragedy right now and no matter how much I pleaded to the producers of this show how much I needed time to myself they wouldn't give it to me." he says, trying to hold back the tears. "These are the nominees for…saddest moment…" he runs off crying.

.Ash releases Butterfree  
.Ash tries releasing Pikachu  
.Meowth fails to earn Meowthy's love  
.Ash turns to stone  
.Misty's goodbye

"Uh Danny is too sad to present this award after…seeing the emotional montage there so I'll present the award." Tracy grins and opens the envelope "The saddest moment is Ash releasing Butterfree."

The crowd cheers loudly as Ash and Butterfree are re-united on the stage. "Butt-er-free, butt-er-free, butt-er-free" they chant.

"This is Ash's third win tonight."- Narrator.

Butterfree opens his mouth to speak when Professor Oak runs in front of him and interrupts "Okay move it along. We're short on time." Butterfree and Ash leave the stage with their trophies that portray a large golden tear drop with a poke'ball logo on it. "We'll be back after this final break."

* * *

Meowth stands in a dark room with a spotlight shined down on him. "Do you remember? I remember." he says with a dramatic tone encasing his words "Ten years ago today tragedy struck four times in the form of airplanes. Even though Norad had a 100 percent accuracy in preventing off-course flights from resuming, but failed 4 times on that day…but that's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here to tell you to remember. And if you don't remember, you're an asshole. Even those of you who were born after 2001.…so remember, jerk!"

9/11

* * *

"Welcome back to the Poke'mon Acheivement Awards."- Narrator "Honorable mentions. Ash won his 4th award for funniest moment for Sabrina's father using his psychic powers to drop his pants and make him dance. And then he shared his 5th award with Chikorita for best kiss. Now welcome to the stage, Gary Oak."

Gary stands in front of the mike waiting for the applause to halt so he can speak. "Movies entertain the world. They can inspire us, they can scare us, they can make us laugh and cry, and in the case of most of the poke'mon movies they can make us bored and angry. But when you pump out a new sequel every year, what do you expect?" he asks "These are the nominees for best poke'mon movie."

.Mewtwo Strikes Back  
.The Power of One  
.Spell of the Unown  
.Heroes: Latias and Latios  
.Jirachi Wish Maker

"And the best movie is…" Gary opens up the envelope "Poke'mon the movie 2000, the power of one."

Several characters get out of their seats and flood the stage in the likes of Ash, Misty, Tracy, Lugia, Melody, Pikachu, Jessie, James, Meowth, Lawrence the third and a bunch of staff members who worked on the film.

"The award." Lugia says, holding the trophy "the award has restored my stength."

"I still got my ancient mew card." Ash holds up the card proudly.

Lawrence takes the microphone "I just want to say that to this day I still get recognized on the street for my part in this movie. In fact just last week a young lady came up to me and kicked me in the shin for putting the world in harm's way just to collect a few poke'mon." he hands Lugia the mike.

"And I've never had more fun on a film shoot than on this movie. It was a lot of fun and the cast was great, the crew was great. It was a wonderful time. Thanks everyone."

Everybody walks back to their seats to a roar of applause. "It's time to present the last award of the night." Professor Oak says "Whether you watch the show for the comedy, the characters, the violence, the morals, the romance, or team rocket, in the end it's all about one thing. Poke'mon. And these are the nominees for best poke'mon."

.Charizard  
.Meowth  
.Mewtwo  
.Pikachu  
.Togepi

"And the best poke'mon…is…" Sam opens the envelope very slowly. "who else? Pikachu!"

The people cheer and chant as Pikachu walks down the aisle and to the stage to some music:

_Pikachu!You know there is no other...  
__I choose you!Because you are my brother...  
In this game we play!  
And if we have to go all day!  
So we can leave the other masters far behind!_

Professor Oak hands the trophy and the microphone down to Pikachu while he receives a loud standing ovation. "Pi. Pi pikachu. Pika pika pikachu pi chuu pika pika."

The crowd is silent.

"That's so beautiful." Meowth wipes a tear from his eye.

"What's it saying?" Jessie leans in and asks. James leans in from the other side of Meowth.

"Pikachu says dat some day da poke'mon shall inherit da earth and enslave all dose who ruled dem at da barrel of da poke'ball. He says he's gonna fight da humans for all poke'mon everywhere and he will defend our honor." Meowth translates.

"That's so beautiful!" James cries and shields his eyes with his arm.

"James that isn't a good thing." Jessie tells him angrily.

"Pika pikachu!" Pikachu points his trophy towards the audience.

"Well?" James looks at Meowth.

"Translation?" Jessie asks.

Meowth scratches both Jessie and James' faces with his sharp claws while all the other poke'mon in attendance such as Mewtwo, Mew, Togepi, Psyduck, Hitmonlee and others attack all the humans following the orders given by Pikachu to take over the world.

"Well this concludes another poke'scenes." the professor says on the stage while chaos surrounds him.

"Hey professor there weren't any stories or skits tonight. Shouldn't this have been its own separate fic since this had nothing to do with Poke'Scenes?" Tracy asks, regarding the chapter's content.

"This is an attempt to boost ratings." Sam whispers to Tracy.

"Oh…well are we gonna answer fan mail questions?" Tracy asks.

"Do what you want." Sam replies, now sitting in the passenger seat of a hellicopter "but I'm getting the hell out of here." the chopper takes off and craches through the ceiling of the auditorium and flies away as Tracy is attacked by Pikachu and Togepi, who beat him with trophies and feast on his flesh.

_Gotta kill em all!  
Gotta kill em all!  
__Yeah!  
__Gotta kill em all!  
__Gotta kill em all!  
__Yeah!  
__And there's 650 billion more to kill  
__To rid Earth of humans, for reeeal!_

The end

_Well this was a very unusual chapter but I thought it would be interesting. But if you're like me and didn't like it, don't worry for Poke'Scenes shall return to form next time with a real multi-plot driven chapter of creative craziness and comedy._

_But I leave you now by presenting an opportunity to those of you interested. I invite any of you to submit your own story ideas or even written short stories/skits that could range from original to parody between 4-8 pages that I will include in the next chapter. You will receive a writing or story credit depending on your level of contribution._

_(it's not that I'm lazy, I actually have lots of ideas. I just thought some of you might like this opportunity. Don't keep me waiting…I dedicate this chapter to the heroes of 9/11 and the troops)_


	10. Disgracy Tracy

**Poke'Scenes**

_Hey Wall Street, suck our debt!_

Tracy sits on a chair at a table surrounded by the writing staff(Neo Namco and…um…I guess that's it). He skims through the upcoming Poke'Scenes script and mentally reads his lines.

Sitting next to him is Samuel Oak reading the newspaper. "I can't believe these people." he says out loud.

Tracy's attention is drawn to Sam. "That's not the script. What is that?" he asks dumbfounded.

"It's a newspaper." Sam simply replies, revealing the title of the paper: 'The World is Doomed Daily'

"What's a newspaper?" Tracy asks, confused.

"It's like the internet but on paper and relatively out-dated on the day's news." Sam explains.

"Ohhh…" Tracy raises an eyebrow. "Anything interesting?"

"Yeah all these commie protesters are forming mobs all over the world, complaining about income inequality and financial institutions influencing policy and supposedly collecting an unfair distribution of wealth. What a bunch of lazy pot smoking hippie commie scum sucking homeless loving whiners." Sam rants.

"Will you two shut the (bleep) up?" Neo Namco yells "You're supposed to be preparing for tonight's show and here you are criticizing the 99 percent."

"They may be claim to be the 99 percent but it says here only 53 percent of the population supports them." Sam holds the paper out in front of him.

"Well 46 percent of the populations is stupid." Neo Namco "Who do you think is keeping rodeos legal? It's the 21st century and there are still Cowboys."

"Ah-ha you must be one of those stupid people because it would be 47 percent, not 46!" Sam stands up and yells.

"I didn't count the 1 percent because why would they want the media to portray the occupy movement positively at the risk of being forced into being moral?" Namco counters.

"Excuse me?" a fourth voice penetrates the room. The three guys turn their heads to the doorway where George Lopez stands "I was wondering since my show has been canned by TBS that maybe I could make a guest appearance on Poke'Scenes…?"

"Ah hell no!" Tracy marches over to George and pokes him in the chest with his finger "Who are you to get a guest appearance on our show after you stole our Stage 29...right next to Ellen Degeneres. I liked being able to just walk over and watch her show."

"You guys were on hiatus for two years! Tu loco puta!" George shouts.

"Who is this?" Sam asks, unsure of what to do in the situation.

"It's George Lopez…the guy who took our old stage." Tracy refreshes Sam's memory.

"He took are lot?" Sam asks.

"George I'd be happy to discuss a potential cameo with you." Namco approaches George and gives him a handshake, followed by the two walking out the door with arms around shoulders.

"Damn it. Screw this. I'm gonna go out and replace Lopez…tonight!" Tracy storms out the door.

Sam sighs and shrugs his shoulders…and then without warning proceeds to dance, using the choreography from Beyonce's 'Single Ladies' music video.

_All the single ladies _  
_All the single ladies _  
_All the single ladies _  
_All the single ladies _

_Now put your hands up_  
_Up in the club_  
_Just broke up_  
_Doing my own little thing_  
_You decided to dip _  
_And now you wanna trip_  
_Cuz another brother noticed me_  
_I'm up on him, he up on me _  
_Don't pay him any attention_  
_Done cried my tears , for three good years_  
_Ya can't be mad at me_

_Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it_  
_If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it_  
_Don't be mad once you see that he want it_  
_If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it_

* * *

**Wanted: Wed or Tied**

It's another day in the life of our three favorite poke'mon trainers and favorite yellow creature(except for Tweety Bird, Spongebob Square Pants, and Homer Simpson). And as usual at least one of them has something to complain about. Ugh, what a bunch of 99-percenters. Hey Professor Oak stop editing the story, jerk!

"Thirsty…need water." Ash says in a whiney voice as he and his friends sluggishly walk through a desert slumped over.

"We're all thirsty, Ash. Whining doesn't help." Misty responds, agitated.

"Whining!" Charlie Sheen can be heard saying in the background.

"Yes it does. Now call out your water poke'mon!" Ash yells.

"I don't have any remember? We started a new journey and I left all my poke'mon except Togetic back at the gym." she reminds him.

"Damn it Misty this is why you shouldn't do things that Ash does." Brock slams her…verbally I mean.

"There's nothing wrong with repetition, Brock." Ash says. "I don't care how low the ratings are." he crosses his arms.

"Hey look." Misty says "A town." she and the guys…and Pikachu look on as the dust clears, revealing a town up ahead.

"Let's stumble into it." Brock suggests, and so he and his friends…and Pikachu walk towards the town in search of water and shelter.

Within the next 20 minutes the group enters the town, each of their heads and eyes wandering, looking for a place for resources to hydrate, but most of the shops were boarded up in this town of 'Winslow.'

"This place looks deserted." Misty says, desperately searching for a sign of life.

"Really? I was about to comment on how vibrant and busy this place was." Brock says sarcastically.

"Shut-up. Someone has to say it." Misty glares at him.

"That is true." Ash backs her up.

"Pika pikachu." Pikachu points to their right at a building.

"Huh?" the humans turn their heads and come to a stop at the sight of an old timey worn out wanted poster on the wall of the police station.

It read: WANTED for not committing their love.

A picture of Ash and Misty was below the text.

Below them the text continues: Ash Ketchum/Misty Waterflower. $9,500,000 REWARD.

Puzzled looks were the results of the expressions on our heroe's faces…and Pikachu.

"Are we on a hidden camera show?" Brock asks.

"Commit our love?" Misty exclaims furiously "What the hell is this? Are we being stalked?"

"Misty please. One obvious question at a time." Brock says calmly.

"I don't get it." Ash says, starring at the poster in confusion.

"Chu." Pikachu smacks his forehead. Not HIS though.

"Ow. What was that for?" Ash asks his buddy.

"It's Ash and Misty!" a loud shrieking female voice tears through the town. Ash and the others turn to see a woman with a look of shock on her face "Everybody get out here!"

Suddenly people from left and right(and center too..) pour out of all the buildings and exclaim in various different ways about their joy of Ash and Misty being present.

"Kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss-kiss." the people chant.

"No way! I don't know what's wrong with you people but I don't like Ash." Misty claims with a blush.

"And I don't know what committing love means." Ash says with his hand in the air.

"Chu." Pikachu smacks Ash's forehead again.

"Well if these two lovers wont commit their love, I'll make them for that reward." A random guy in the crowd of people says, stepping forward with a baseball bat. A St. Louis Cardinals hat displayed on his head.

"Uhh…later!" Ash pushes Misty forward, towards the guy with the bat and takes off running. Brock and Pikachu follow.

"Ash you asshole!" Misty runs after him, being chased by the whole town.

"Get them!" the bat wielding man shouts "Don't hesitate to use violence unlike those sissy protesters on Wall Street!"

Half of the mob bursts into the various weapon shops that drive their town's economy to load up on artillery, while the other half continues chasing Ash and Misty while pulling out pocket knives, watches, silver dollars, baseballs, bricks, and other treasured personal belongings.

"What do we do?" Ash asks his friends as they run as fast as they can.

"Just keep running!" Brock shouts.

"You should have had Pikachu shock that guy, but you had to push me." Misty says angrily "Didn't your mom ever teach you manners?"

"She never mentioned men with bats." Ash responds while pressing his hat against the top of his head with his hand to keep it from flying off. "Brock throw a jelly filld donut to slow them down."

"We ate them all!" Brock yells in a panic. "and plus that isn't a realistic way to stop a motivated mob. They aren't normal people in this state. You gotta freeze them, decapitate them, or blow them up."

"Over here!" a woman wearing a blue Texas Rangers hat shouts, poking out from the side of a building.

Ash, Misty, Pikachu, and Brock run over and take shelter behind the building with the strange woman while the mob stampedes by. When the vibrations stop, the group takes sighs of relief as they fall down to their knees.

"Whew. That was a close one." Ash says, relieved. The next thing he knew, Misty's hand delivers a hard smack across the face. "Ow! What was that for?"

"For pushing me toward that mob!" Misty screams.

"Well I…I-I-I…uh…" Ash watches Brock move behind Misty and hold up cards with words for help. "I…just thought that because you're so beautiful…your pure beauty would stop them in their tracks long enough for me to get away."

"And what was gonna happen to me?" Misty asks with her arms crossed.

"Uh…I planned to stock up on weaponry and then come back for you in a beautiful scene of bloody gore caused by my relentless courage and superb killing ability all in the name of your safety." Ash reads.

"Oh Ash…really? You're so sweet." Misty takes his hand in hers.

Ash smiles back and says "Let's have sex."

"What?" Misty yanks her hand out of his and smacks him again across the face.

"It wasn't me it was the card." Ash points behind her where now the woman who saved them holds that very card.

"Hey I think it would make you two feel a lot better if you guys made love." the woman suggests.

"Not gonna happen." Misty responds.

"Ash, don't you want to (bleep) Misty?" the woman asks.

"Well…I…" Ash blushes and puts a hand on the back of his neck.

"Ash come on even if you don't love her the obvious answer is yes." Brock says, shaking his head in disappointment.

"Wait a second, you're just trying to make us (bleep) so you can get that reward." Misty realizes.

"Well…KISS!" the woman puts a hand behind the backs of Ash and Misty's heads and tries as hard as she can to push their faces together.

"Ahhhh!" the two scream

"Pikachu, help!" Ash yells, trying his hardest to push his head back away from Misty.

Pikachu sits next to the wall of the building eating jelly filled donuts.

"I knew I had some left. Pikachu you bitch!" Brock shouts and then he picks up a baseball sized rock and knocks the woman over the head with it, causing her to fall to the ground unconscious.

"Thanks, Brock. I could smell Ash's peanut butter breath." Misty says, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"Well at least my breath doesn't smell like mint!" Ash says angrily, causing Misty to shake her head.

"Come on let's go find a deserted building to hide in." Brock pulls his friends on to their feet and they carefully go in search of a hiding spot.

Meanwhile our favorite villains had made their way into Winslow and in front of the Wanted poster which they examined with a sense of confusion and opportunity.

"This is perfect. We can get those twerps together and use the money to pay the boss." Jessie says.

"Just imagine what da boss will say." Meowth starts to fantasize when he receives a fist in the head from Jessie. "Ow!"

"Yeah yeah we know. He'll be happy. Now let's get to work." Jessie says.

"I don't know. 9.5 million dollars isn't nearly enough to cover our billion dollar debt." James realizes "And how many other opportunities like this are we gonna have? How many towns out there actually give out a reward of any kind for getting a couple together? Maybe we should just give up."

"Maybe you're right. Okay. Let's do it. We'll quit and go into hiding." Jessie.

"Couldn't we try and get da money anyways since we're gonna be out of a job?" Meowth asks.

"Good point. Let's get to work." Jessie says with a glint in her eye.

Meanwhile our heroes have found an abandoned building to crash in. "We should be safe here." Brock says, setting up a few lanterns to light up the room.

"We can't stay here for the rest of our lives." Misty points out.

"We could always give our selves in." Ash suggests.

"No! I'm not gonna do it with you. We'll just have to live here." Misty says, turning her back.

"But Misty, we could just fake it." Ash says.

"You mean like a fake orgasm?" Misty asks, turning back around.

"No. We can just go to the police station hand in hand and act all coupley. It's not like we're wanted crooks. They just want us to be a couple." Ash explains.

"Yeah…" Brock nods "Except I wont allow it."

"What why?" Misty asks.

"Because I'm getting that money." Brock pulls out a bowie knife. "Now strip."

"Brock-" Misty tries to talk but is interrupted.

"I said strip!" Brock tosses Pikachu a camera "Pikachu film this!"

Tears well up in Misty's eyes as she slowly removes her suspenders.

"Brock…" Ash removes his hat and vest "Are we splitting the money?"

"No! I'm taking it all. After all these years shelling out my savings to support you guys and sleeping in the woods every night without so much as an offer to pay for something from any of you, I'm taking the wealth and getting the babes. It's my turn. It's mine!" Brock yells.

"Okay okay geez…" Ash unties his shoes and whispers to Misty "This kind of reminds me of that scene in One Hour Photo when Robin Williams-"

"Ash just shut up and take off your clothes." Brock warns him.

"Fine but I don't see what this has to do with me and Misty committing our love." Ash says, not understanding that Brock wants them to consummate their relationship.

"Isn't this rape?" Misty asks, taking off her shoes.

"Isn't this the part where you shut the (bleep) up!" Brock yells.

"Brock can I tell you something first?" Ash asks.

"What?" Brock answers.

"Look behind you!" Ash yells while pointing.

Brock turns around to see Pikachu holding a card that says 'Brock can I tell you something first? (wait for response) Look behind you!'

"What the?" Brock turns back around to see Ash and Misty run out the door bare foot. "Damn it!"

"Pikachu!" Pikachu shocks Brock and catches up with Ash and Misty.

"Quick we have to hide." Misty says as they run down the street.

"Maybe they wont recognize us without our shoes." Ash says.

"That's it! Ash you're…still not a genius but you've given me an idea." Misty leads them into a costume shop to look for disguises.

The man behind the counter holds a newspaper in front of his face so he can't see them(thankfully). "Welcome to 'Disguises' let me know if you need help with something." he says in a bored flat tone.

"We sure will." Misty says in a low disguised voice for some reason.

Ash walks through the shop without his hat, vest, and shoes, and Misty walks around without her suspenders and shoes with Pikachu close behind.

"Ooh a King outfit. I call this one!" Ash grabs the robe off the hook.

"No Ash we have to look normal." Misty tells him "We can't draw attention to ourselves…Ooh a Snooki costume!" Misty picks it up with a smile.

"Misty…what did you just say?" Ash asks with his hands on his hips while tapping his foot.

"Damn." Misty puts it back.

After paying for their disguises in disguise, they make their way through the town, hopefully blending in.

(song? nah you guys don't need a song. just imagine them trying to walk by all the people searching for them)

Pikachu's fur was now an orange-brown color with yellow electric sacks on his cheeks, hopefully passing off as a Raichu.

Ash wore an orange jump suit with a blue ninja belt tied around his waist and matching blue sweat bands on his wrists. His hair has also been changed to appear spikier with some gel.

Misty was still barefoot, wearing a white garb and white pearls around her neck. Her hair is back in a bun style.

They walk through the town whistling past all the people looking for them. One of those people is Brock, trying to sniff them out. Literally sniffing the air for their scent.

"You brushed your teeth right, Ash? I mean Tom. Brock can smell peanut butter." Misty whispers.

"Yeah, Misty I mean Ann. Did you chew all that sugar fruit gum to get rid of the mint?" Ash asks.

"Yeah I'm still chewing." Misty answers while chewing the gum.

As they walk away with their heads turned behind them, they bump into some familiar figures.

"Hey watch it!" Jessie yells.

"Sorry…miss." Misty sweat drops.

"You better be sorry, Wilma." Jessie says back.

"My name is Ann." Misty replies, upset.

"Jessie don't worry about it we gotta find dose twoips so we can get da money." Meowth tells her.

Ash and Misty gulp.

"Let's go to the costume shop and disguise as special agents to trick them into thinking we're on their side." James suggests.

"Good idea. Let's go." Jessie and the others walk away.

"Let's get out of here." Misty says, and they continue on to the exit.

Back at their old short lived hiding spot, some of the mob was looking around inside. "They've been here." the Cardinals fan with the baseball bat uses it to lift Ash's vest up. "A pair of suspenders, a hat, shoes, socks…they're doing it somewhere."

"Let's find them so we can bash their skulls in!" another guy says holding that weapon used in those 'The Descent' movies. I don't know the name of it.

"No we're trying to get them to commit their love." the bat wielder explains.

"Oh that's what this is? That's not fun." the guy pouts. "I was really looking forward to driving this into their skulls."

"Why again did that jury find you not guilty of murder?" the bat wielder asks.

Back outside Ash, Misty, and Pikachu get to Winslow's exterior but now find that a big barbed wire fence surrounds the whole town.

"Oh no. Now how are we gonna escape greed and persecution?" Misty asks, disappointed.

"That's impossible, Misty. We live on planet Earth." Ash reminds her.

"Pika…" Pikachu lowers his head.

"Come on, Mist. Let's go find a place to crash for the night and think of a plan." Ash extends his arm toward the disappointed girl on her knees.

Misty looks up and stares at his hand. She smiles and takes it, being pulled back on to her feet.

Several hours later that night, the three are back in the abandoned building, and back in their original clothes, watching an old television left behind. The news was on, and they happened to be the hot topic.

"The demand for Ash and Misty to finally get together is escalating around the world." the news anchor says on KNN(Kanto News Network). "As shown here in these live images."

Thousands of people were gathered together in Tokyo, Japan holding signs and chanting things. Signs like 'AAML forever' and 'Ash + Misty'

"Thousands have gathered to protest until the couple gets together, which is becoming a world wide movement. These people have been occupying Tokyo for a month, in hopes that their demands will be met."

"I can't believe it. This is huge." Misty says in awe.

"Pika pika pi chu." Pikachu says (translation: that's what she said)

"Don't worry, Misty." Ash puts an arm around her shoulder.

"I'm scared, Ash. I don't wanna live the rest of my life like this." Misty begins to cry.

"We'll find a way out, Misty. We'll figure something out. I promise." Ash pulls Misty to his body and hugs her tight.

Misty looks up and into Ash's eyes. "There is one way." she smiles.

"Huh?" Ash raises an eyebrow.

Misty puts her hands on his shoulders and rubs them gently.

"Oh…" Ash extends one of his arms and points and snaps his fingers, motioning for Pikachu to move. Once Pikachu had cleared the area, Ash leans in and kisses Misty on the lips. She kisses back and the two get down on the floor, making out and removing each other's clothes.

The next morning…

"Breaking news!" the KNN anchor exclaims "After all these years, Ash and Misty have finally consummated their love. This was learned after a video tape of the two doing it was sent to our studio early this morning. Let's take a look. Be warned, some of it is graphic."

The footage depicts Ash and Misty making out on the ground, taking their clothes off, and making love underneath a bed sheet. Moaning and all. Only their heads and arms can be seen, but there's still evidence of passionate thrusting.

"And the person who secretly taped these two get it on…is a guy by the name of Tom Chovy. Congratulations, you're filthy rich now. We will update you as this story progresses." the anchor says.

A door with a sign reading 'Press Conference Room' opens followed by the departure of Ash and Misty making their way out and back outside. "We can go now. The wall has been torn down." Ash says.

"I know. I'm so happy." Misty gives Ash a big hug and the two walk back to the abandoned house they've been squatting in.

"Let's see if we got some mail." Ash opens the mailbox and takes out an envelope. He and Misty look around to make sure the coast is clear, and then enter the house where Ash immediately tears open the envelope and pulls out a check for 9 and a half million dollars. "Yes! We're rich!" he exclaims.

"Oh my god I can't believe it worked." Misty gives Ash a big hug while they jump up and down with excitement.

"Allow me to explain." Pikachu steps into view and speaks in the voice of James Earl Jones. "Last night when Ash motioned for me to leave, he was actually motioning for me to grab the camera and film them as they pretended to have sexual intercourse and used a fake name and the address of an abandoned building for the purpose of conning this town out of nearly ten million dollars. Pretty clever huh? Or so it may seem…pika pika pikachu." Pikachu's voice returns to normal and walks away.

"And to think all those idiots actually think we like each other. Okay we each get $4,750,000. Now you don't have an excuse to not get me a new bike." Misty says.

"I know. Don't worry I'm gonna buy you a motorcycle. Batman's motorcycle." Ash says with a grin. "And I'm buying myself a corvette and dumping my poke'mon journey."

"Let's go cash it!" Misty yoinks the check from Ash's hand and rushes to the door but as she's turning the door knob she pauses.

"Misty what's wrong?" Ash asks.

"This check is addressed to Tom Chovy…" Misty realizes.

"Yeah so?" Ash shrugs.

"Tom Chovy doesn't exist!" Misty screams.

_D'oh!_

* * *

In the lab, Professor Oak is hanging decorations on a Christmas tree in the corner…Halloween decorations. He turns around to face you. "Oh hey there, I'm just decorating since this apparently is our Halloween special for 2011. We had some scary story ideas but this is what we decided to throw at you. But what's scarier than greed? Ooooh." Sam moans like a ghost. He coughs "Our next story is about poke'mon. If you've been paying attention, you know this will be the very first poke'mon centered story. Enjoy. Mwahahahahahaha." he laughs evilly, as if poke'mon is something evil. And if you're a Christian, it is. Not because of fighting, Christians love to fight. I'm talking about evolution.

If you're Christian and you're offended and you'd like us to insult atheists, please press one on your keyboard.

You have pressed 1. Hey atheists your life is meaningless.

If you're an atheist and are offended and you'd like us to re-insult Christians, too bad. We have a show to do. Besides they insult themselves. Zing!

* * *

**NPL Lockout**

A man in a nice suit stands in a spacious room with the letters PC on everything as a badass guitar solo plays similar but not the same due to copyright reasons as a certain sports news program.

"Things are heating up in the midst of the Poke'mon league lockout as the owners, the trainers, and the poke'mon continue to lash out at each other during the meetings. We have the highlights ahead. Plus you wont want to miss the best KO's ever in our top 10." he says.

The guitar solo kicks into high gear and blows minds with it's badass-ness and then the following is said in a deep man's voice: "This is Poke'Center!"

"Yeah I'm ready!" the man in the suit says "Damn that pumps me up. Welcome to Poke'Center, I'm Neil Morfitt. Here's what's happening now."

Cut to footage of several different poke'mon getting out of limos in suits and walking past photographers and journalists towards a big building. Some of those poke'mon include Charizard, Zapdos, Electabuzz, Torterra, Jumpluff, Smeargle, Pikachu, Hitmonchan, Hypno, Azumarill, Arbok, Blastoise, Dragonite, Wailord, and Pikachu.

"Today representatives of the poke'union met with trainers and owners at the league office in Viridian City to negotiate a deal for the next contract. Things did not go smoothly. Take a look." Neil informs us.

"I'm afraid we don't see eye to eye on this matter. It just can't be done." the league owner Roger Badwill says at a big table with owners and trainers on one side and the poke'mon seated at the other side.

The poke'mon are silent initially and then suddenly Arbok leaps out at Badwill, constricting around his hands and legs. Electabuzz grabs him and pushes him against the body of Wailord, followed by Hitmonchan walking over and repeatedly punching Badwill in the face and chest.

A security team of Officer Jennys tasers Hitmonchan and arrests the violent poke'mon involved in the incident.

"Among those arrested, super star Hitmonchan who's recently turned to a Hollywood career on the side in the past few years, becoming a big action movie star. He's famous for doing his own stunts. He also has been known to release some rap albums. Here's what Chan had to say when he arrived at the office this morning." Neil reports.

Hitmonchan talks into a reporter's microphone, wearing an expensive suit "Chan chan chan-"

In order to understand him, a voice is dubbed over in English: "I'm retiring after this upcoming season to pursue a full time acting career but I want to make sure that my fellow poke'mon are taken care of and get the rights they deserve. They've been undermined long enough by the greedy league owners and it's time to put an end to it."

"Well what are those rights?" Neil asks "The poke'union is demanding an 8 percent incentive increase and a 42 percent recognition increase. They also want to expand the current 6 party rule to ten, but maintain the maximum number poke'mon allowed in a battle at 6. For more on that we go to Ray Quaza inside Poke'mon Stadium. Ray why do they want to increase the party limit to ten?"

A Hispanic male in a suit with a microphone stands in the middle of an empty poke'mon stadium "Neil the poke'mon want the limit raised to 10 because they feel that the overall stress and injuries they receive as a result of their battles will be minimized. They also believe that it will give more of their comrades a chance to gain experience and ease the bumps and bruises they get. It also gives the trainers more options to choose from. They argue it's a beneficial change for everyone."

"How do the owners feel about it?" Neil asks.

"The owners have not commented on this particular demand as of yet. Their main concentration is on the incentive proposition at this point. But most of the trainers are in favor of it." Ray replies.

"Thanks, Ray. Ray Quaza at Poke'mon Stadium. For more on the poke'union's motivation we turn to none other than the poke'union president, Pikachu who had this to say earlier today." Neil says.

Pikachu wears a blue nice blue vest and speaks into a reporter's microphone. (Translated-) "We just want fair treatment. My colleagues and I are underappreciated and underpaid. We do all the work and the trainers get all the praise and all the cash."

"So if this is true, why are the owners having such a tough time buying into this?" Neil wonders "According to Commissioner Roger Badwill, the league has been losing money due to the fractured economy and can not afford to improve the poke'mon earnings right now. He says it's a matter of math and warns that if the lockout continues that the chances of successfully negotiating these demands favoring the poke'mon in the future won't be possible if the league loses money during this lockout."

"Now let's get to the top 10." Neil says and a flash of numbers from 1-10 count down quickly in descending order on a screen. "These are the top 10 KO's of all time. At number 10 it's Ash versus Drake. Pikachu and Dragonite."

Pikachu has himself latched on to Dragonite's head, who tries shaking him off. Ash commands Pikachu to use a thunder attack and severely electrocutes the dragon. Afterwards Dragonite shakes Pikachu off to the ground. The two creatures stare each other down fiercely while panting heavily. After a few moments Dragonite falls down defeated.

"Ash defeated Drake for the orange league trophy, his only championship to date. Number 9-" Neil says but disappears in pitch black.

A chubby hairy shirtless man throws his arms in the air and turns his recliner around in anger. A woman stands behind him with a remote in hand. "Hey I was watching that!" he yells.

"I asked you to do one thing today. The yard is still covered in leaves. The rake is covered in spinorak web." his wife tells him with a hint of frustration in her tone.

"I was gonna do it after Poke'Center." he claims.

"You've had all day. Why do I have to go to work while you sit on your ass and watch T.V? Oh yeah it's because you got yourself fired for being lazy." she says angrily.

"I filled out several applications today. I've been looking for work. It's not that easy." he argues.

"Just try and be productive." she says and walks away before tossing the remote at him.

"After the show." he says and turns back around, turning the television back on.

"Wow. That was incredible." Poke'Center anchor Neil Morfitt says with a smile "But legally we can never show it again because of how violently graphic it was."

"Damn it!" the guy watching slams the remote down at the floor, furious. He then turns to his 8 year old son on the couch. "Don't ever get married, son. Besides when you're older they'll have sex robots anyways."

…back to Poke'Center…

"Thanks to our illusive spy team here at Poke'Center we managed to install hidden cameras in a previous private poke'mon only meeting. Check this out completely translated." Neil says with a face of joy.

Footage of a private meeting depicts the representatives of the poke'union mentioned earlier:

"Should we just back down at the risk of not getting any of our demands at any point in the future?" Pikachu asks.

"I think we should just kill all the owners and run this league ourselves." Blastoise says, slamming his fist on the table.

"Blastoise please. Be serious. Doe anyone have any non-violent ideas?" Pikachu asks. Hypno raises its hand. "Yes Hypno?"

"What if I hypnotize all the owners and we stole all their extra cash lying around. These guys are billionaires after all." Hypno suggests.

"No damn it we…hmm. Well…" Pikachu rubs his chin, actually considering it.

"Or we could just all lock them together like a chain gang and I zap the (bleep) out of those mother (bleep)-ers!" Electabuzz exclaims.

"I'll burn their houses down!" Charizard shoots flames out its mouth.

"I can eat them." Wailord offers.

"I painted a picture." Smeargle holds up a painting of him kissing Azumarill. Azumarill rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.

"No-no-no!" Pikachu shouts "We need logical ideas."

"I wanna hear from Jumpluff." Dragonite says.

"I don't know…I kind of like the killing plans." Jumpluff admits.

"Okay let's take a break." Pikachu gets out of his seat and leaves. The poke'mon disperse.

Neil stares with a blank expression "Just an inside glimpse into what the poke'mon are thinking. Interesting. Now I'm being told that there are protests in different areas around Kanto and Johto occupying league stadiums in support of the poke'mon. Recent polls show that 54 percent of people are in favor of the poke'mon demands. 31 percent aren't, 7 percent aren't sure, 6 percent don't get it, and 2 percent say poke'mon sucks. For more on this we go to live images of protesters gathered outside the league office in Viridian City."

Hundreds of people are outside the building, many with signs echoing their support of the poke'mon as they chant "Gotta pay em all!"

"Why do you support the poke'mon?" a reporter asks a random protestor.

"Because, the poke'mon like do all the work and they don't get what they deserve. I totally agree with them and that's why I'm here, standing up for equality and you know having fun while I'm doing it." the protester answers.

"What about you ma'am why are you here?" the reporter asks another random protestor.

"I'm here because the poke'mon are so cute. Oh my god. And I want to meet Pikachu. The poke'mon deserve more you know? I love them." she explains.

"Neil back to you." the reporter says, turning around to the camera.

"Thanks, Don. That was Don Phan reporting from Viridian City. The other side of this story is the prevention of the poke'mon and their trainers from training and catching more poke'mon for the upcoming season. For an inside scoop we welcome esteemed poke'mon trainer Ash Ketchum. How are you, Ash?" Neil turns to Ash, sitting next to him behind a desk.

"I'm going crazy, Neil." Ash says, his hands shake. "Crazy." he whispers.

"How hard is it not being able to-" Neil can't even finish the question before Ash answers.

"Crazy!" Ash yells. "Catching poke'mon is everything to me. I've been playing Poke'mon 2K12 every day but it's not the same. I've actually won a league championship in 2K11. It's too easy. Why isn't it that easy in real life?" Ash falls to the floor in a fetal position, crying. "Why don't I have a Mewtwo in real life? I dare challenge any of you to battle me on Live. My game tag is ashyboy98."

"Uhh that will conclude this interview." Neil says, uncomfortable. "Now let's get to the MVP, most valuable poke'mon considerations. Right now Diglett leads…wait a second I'm being told there's breaking news from the league office. We go there now live."

Commissioner Roger Badwill steps up to a podium inside the league building and speaks into a microphone. "The lockout is over. A compromise has been made. The party limit will be raised to 10. But no more than six stage two poke'mon in a party. The poke'mon recognition percentage will go up by 35 but there will not be an incentive increase. However it was agreed to that trainers can no longer legally spay or neuter their poke'mon. The matter is now closed, so get out there and catch them all." Roger steps away from the microphone. After a few seconds he rushes back "One more thing. Hitmonchan's request to make poke'ality legal has been declined. Thank you." he once again walks away.

* * *

"Poke'ality of course meaning the poke'mon version of bestiality." Professor Oak explains in the lab. "What did you think of that skit, Tracy?" Sam looks around and realizes Tracy isn't there. "Where's Tracy?"

Neo Namco dances his way in front of Professor Oak wearing a red Arizona Cardinals hat, black and red Diamondbacks wrist bands, and an orange Steve Nash Phoenix Sun's jersey. He proceeds to rap:

"Yo Tracy's gone, didn't you hear? He got fed up, thought this show was queer. Walked out on his own without shedding a tear. Hey after work you wanna grab a beer?"

Sam stares at Neo Namco with an unpleased expression "Stick to writing crappy fan fics okay? At least those are readable." Sam walks away.

Neo Namco shrugs with a grin.

* * *

**Disgracy Tracy**

Ted Turner, the founder of CNN, TBS, TNT, Cartoon Network, and former Atlanta Braves owner sits in a large office at the Time Warner building, thinking of a new idea to make him richer. "There's something out there, something on the tip of my brain that would re-revolutionize television. Something funny, something touching, something smart. Something for the whole family…wait. That's it. I'll-" but before he can finish the doors to his office fly open and Tracy Sketchit walks in.

"Mr. Turner I would like the opportunity to replace George Lopez and do my own late night show." Tracy says.

"Yes yes tell my secretary I approved it. Just get the hell out of here!" Ted yells, prompting Tracy to retreat with cheering. "Now where was I? I'll…oh my god I lost it! Nooooooo!" Ted spins with his hands on his head.

Somewhere Rupert Murdoch is laughing evilly in delight.

After being approved as a replacement for George Lopez and taking the old time slot for Lopez Tonight, the big night has arrived. Tonight. As the crowd files in, Tracy is back stage getting prepared. He's nervous.

"Don't worry, Tracy." the director puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "You'll do fine."

"You really think so?" Tracy asks.

"Yeah. But if you don't I'll toss you this hilarious sign." the director pulls up a grave stone that says 'RIP Tracy'.

"That's not encouraging. I really need this to go well so I can finally get my own action figure." Tracy says, concerned.

"Yeah that'll be the day. You don't have enough action to become a figurine." the director holds up a Max figurine.

"There's a Max toy?" Tracy sighs sadly.

Welcome to Sketchit Tonight!

With special guests:

Lee Corso!

Mike Perry!

And musical guest the Eric Stuart band.

Now here's your host, Tracy Sketchit!

The audience semi-cheers as the curtains open and Tracy comes out waving to the crowd and walks over to his spot in front of the camera. "Hi there everyone welcome to Sketchit Tonight. This is our first show so we know that without even trying the ratings are gonna be good." he jokes.

Immediately half the audience gets up and leaves.

"But we are gonna try." Tracy says in panic. A couple of the audience members sit back down. "Our guests tonight are ESPN analyst and a pencil company business man, Lee Corso." Tracy pauses for a crowd reaction that does not come. "Okay…Mike Perry is here. The president of the Crayola crayon company."

One person in the audience claps.

"And the Eric Stuart band will be playing a little later but first let's get to the news." Tracy wipes the sweat off his brow "There's been a lot of tragedy lately in the world. Natural disasters, mass murders, the crumbling economy, and the return of Beavis and Butthead."

The crowd is mostly quiet with some sprinkles of groans and boos. "I love Beavis and Butthead! Mike Judge can kick your ass!" a random guy in the crowd yells.

Tracy clears his throat. "So they say that if you're nervous about speaking in front of a big crowd that you should picture everyone in the audience without their clothes. But that wont be a problem for me tonight because thankfully I don't have a big crowd. And for some reason they're all naked."

Some audience members actually cheer this time and some scream in delight.

"No but they say this is what you should do but I've found that picturing everyone naked only makes things worse. I get more nervous." Tracy says "What's more frightening than speaking to a bunch of naked people? And plus it's kind of a turn on. So the blood in my body is going back and fourth between filling up my face and filling up my penis."

"Ha!" a woman shouts.

"My trick is to pretend that everyone in the audience is intellectually challenged. Because stupid people will pretend to laugh at jokes that they don't get and that boosts my confidence. Now I'm not saying that you guys are stupid. There's nothing stupid about standing in a line outside in the rain for 5 hours so you can watch a guy attempt to make jokes and insult you. There's nothing stupid about that." Tracy grins.

"Booo." some of the crowd boos him, unimpressed.

"So I saw George Lopez the other day…" Tracy pauses to allow the crowd to half-heartedly cheer "Yeah I saw him in a line as I was driving past the welfare office."

The crowd once again boos "Booooooo!"

"No no it's okay. He was approved." Tracy reassures them with a laugh but once again is met with a harsh negative reaction. "Okay okay. Let's move on to our first sketch piece called SKETCH."

Curtains open to reveal a large television screen that displays the following sketch. Tracy sits behind a desk in an office wearing a nice white lab coat over his signature clothes. There are numerous drawings of poke'mon and women on the walls.

"Mr. Sketchthis there's an applicant here to see you for an interview." a lady says over the intercom.

"Send him in." Tracy says, while holding the button.

The doors open and Syther walks in wearing a nice interview appropriate suit. "Syther syther." this gets the biggest laugh from the audience so far.

"You must be Syther. Good morning." Tracy reaches to shake Syther's hand, but thinks better of it when Syther's sharp blade inches toward him. The crowd laughs. "Uh how's it going?" Tracy fist bumps the top of Syther's blade to avoid injury.

"Syther syther."

"Please take a seat." Tracy says. Syther takes a seat across from Tracy. "So we're looking for a new artist for our paper's daily cartoon. What can you bring to the paper?"

"Syther…well for starters I have an abstract creative imaginative ability that I'm eager to explore in a cartoonist field that would allow me to extract a barrage of ideas from the factory in my head that's constantly churning out new and original material that would be perfect for your satirical cartoon." Syther says(in the voice of guest voice Samuel L. Jackson).

"Okay sounds good." Tracy says, followed by audience laughter. "Now I have to give everyone interviewing for this position a performance test. I need you to draw the star of our cartoon, Diglett." Tracy places a sheet of blank paper in front of Syther and holds a pencil out to him…but he realizes that Syther doesn't have any hands. "Um…" the crowd laughs "Can you draw?"

"You don't think I can draw?" Syther asks "Is it cause I'm green?"

"What? No." Tracy shakes his head.

"Is it cause I'm a bug?" Syther asks.

"No no. it's just that…your…" Tracy points at Syther's blades.

"I don't need a pencil fool!" Syther slices the pencil in half, leaving Tracy holding just the eraser end. Syther uses his blades to slice through the paper and carves out an abstract drawing of Diglett smoking a cigarette in Hell with Joe the Camel and Satin. "I'm a bad mother (bleep)-er!" Syther shouts "Do I get the job?"

"Yes yes. You start Monday." Tracy says, curled back in his chair in fear.

"You'll know I'm the lord of satire when I lay my drawings upon thee." Syther turns around and walks out the door.

Tracy grabs the paper off and sees that the drawing has been carved into his desk. He sighs. The crowd laughs as the sketch comes to a close.

"See that wasn't a bad piece was it?" Tracy asks the crowd to which they applaud.

"I can explain that." Conan O'brien randomly appears out of no where, walking beside Tracy. The crowd goes wild.

"Conan O'brien…what are you doing here?" Tracy asks.

"What are you talking about, Tracy? I wrote that sketch for you. You told me you needed some good material and I wrote that up for you. Remember?" Conan clenches his fists together and shakes them over both of his shoulders, celebrating himself.

"Conan…" Tracy zips his lips, motioning to be quiet.

"I still get 70% of your next paycheck right?" Conan asks.

"Why do you need it? You got 30 million dollars from NBC to go away." Tracy tells him.

The crowd cheers as Conan performs his signature dance "I'm sorry I didn't hear you. I was too busy dancing in my two million dollar suit. I've also got these truffles in my pocket." he pulls three out of his pocket and juggles them.

"We'll talk after the show. Conan O'brien everyone." Tracy says as the crowd cheers to Conan juggling truffles off the stage. "I really need that money." he whispers "Anyways. Our first scheduled guest of the night is the director of business development for Dixon Ticonderoga. Please welcome Lee Corso to the program."

Lee Corso walks out from behind the curtain as nobody cheers and takes a seat on the couch next to Tracy's desk. "You know I'm only the director of business development for Dixon Ticonderoga in the off season. I'm also a sports broadcaster and college football analyst for ESPN."

"Yeah but I don't care about that. I want to talk to you about pencils. I'm a big fan. I own a lot of Ticonderoga pencils." Tracy says. "Number 2 being my favorite."

"That is our most well known pencil." Lee nods.

"How many grades are there?" Tracy asks, curiously.

"There's number 1 extra soft. Number 2 soft. Number 2 and a half medium. Number 3 hard. And number 4 extra hard."

"This conversation about your products is making me number 4." Tracy laughs and nudges Lee in the shoulder.

Lee smiles with a sense of nervousness. "Oh…wonderful."

"So how many variety of pencils do you make?" Tracy asks.

"We make the Classic, Black, Noir, Tri-Conderoga, Microban, Lassie, SenseMatic, and colored pencils." Lee answers. One guy in the crowd claps while the others get anxious and softly boo.

"Don't worry, people. Because tonight you're all getting number 2 pencils!" Tracy exclaims happily. "Look under your chairs!"

The people in the audience pull their pencils out from under their chairs and throw them at Tracy while booing.

The next day Tracy has been called to a meeting with the network executives to discuss the future of the show and the major flop it was.

"Tracy we want to talk to you about the show." executive #1 says(that's what it says on his name tag btw, executive #1)

"It was pretty good huh?" Tracy smiles "Especially the live footage of me being rushed to the hospital to have that number 2 pencil removed from my eye socket."

"That was a violation of the network's censorship laws." executive #2 says.

"Look Tracy you just aren't interesting enough to maintain viewer's interest. You wouldn't last a week as a supporting character on a show." executive #1 tells him.

"I happen to now that I would last at least a year with a reoccurring role to follow." Tracy argues.

"Tracy the show has been cancelled. Sorry. Pencils just aren't interesting." executive #2 reveals.

"Oh…so…how many millions am I getting?" Tracy asks.

"None. You didn't make it past the mandatory 90 day probation period." executive #1 answers.

"I see…" Tracy gets up and sadly walks out the door with his hands in his pockets, down the hallway, through the lobby, and out into the lot past Conan O'brien who juggles five truffles while dancing as hundred dollar bills fall out of his money stuffed pockets.

That night Tracy decided to watch some late night comedy to take his mind off things:

Jay Leno: "Did anyone here watch Sketchit Tonight last night? Yeah nobody else did either." he laughs "The good news is you wont have a chance of accidentally seeing it cause it's been cancelled. But the bad news is we don't have anything else to bomb our enemies with."

Tracy flips the channel.

Jimmy Fallon: "It's time for my weekly thank you notes." he pulls out a stack of blank cards and a pen "Thank you, Tracy Sketchit, for showing us that some things are worse than being terminally ill."

Tracy angrily changes the channel to The Daily Show.

"So what else pierced the television airwaves last night?" Jon Stewart asks, and then cuts to a clip of Tracy being pelted by pencils, including one that pierces his eye. Cut back to a disturbed and shocked Stewart as his audience is grossed out. "Well I can't say that wasn't a fair response considering Tracy's terrorist-like hijacking and dismantling of the network." an image flashes on the screen of bloodied Osama Bin Laden with a pencil sticking out of his eye. The crowd laughs and cheers "I mean he certainly bombed." Jon says with a big smile.

"(bleep) you Stewart!" Tracy changes the channel to an apparent magical second Comedy Central channel showing The Colbert Report. "Ah Stephen wont let me down." Tracy says.

Some bad clips of Sketchit Tonight and critics bad mouthing Tracy are shown. "I don't know why there's so much backlash against this guy." Stephen says as a photo of Tracy appears beside him "The greatest president of all time also took over a foreign place and brought destruction even though he had no reason to be there." Tracy's picture is replaced with one of George W. Bush. The audience cheers. "The American people realized that it took big balls to do that and as a result he got to keep his job for 4 more years. Who cares if the Iraq war cost a trillion dollars. The inspiration used for the Call of Duty games was worth it."

"That's it screw this crap." Tracy changes the channel to TBS to watch Conan.

Conan sits at his desk with Andy Richter sitting on a chair next to him "I'd like to take a moment and mention my good friend Tracy Sketchit who after just one show of Sketchit Tonight, has been cancelled. He had potential to do great things and he will be missed. But not by pencils." the audience laughs.

"Those people had dead on accuracy." Andy says, referring to the people who threw the pencils at Tracy.

"Tremendous accuracy. I hope there were Chicago Cubs scouts in the crowd that night. But anyways this incident has inspired us to make a game out of this. Do you guys wanna play?" Conan asks the crowd, which cheers loudly. He and Andy get up "So we've planted pencils beneath all your seats, and we're gonna give you all one minute to throw as many pencils at us as you can. Just for fun. Just for a little entertainment, and a little exorcise for Andy." Conan says.

"Hey! I exorcise every time I walk from my car to my dressing room." Andy says.

"Okay so let's play." Conan and Andy take some protective goggles out of their pockets and put them on. "Oh one more thing." Conan takes out 7 truffles and juggles them as the crowd throws pencils at them.

Tracy turns off the television and goes to bed angry.

In the morning Tracy wakes up and grabs a granola bar to eat for breakfast and turns on the news. But before he can get comfortable, there's a knock on his apartment door. He gets off his chair and walks to the door and opens it. None other than Charlie Sheen is standing there. "What the? Charlie Sheen? You guys are coming to my house to make fun of me now?"

"No no, to the contrary. I'm here to instruct you. I'm gonna be your personal ego coach." Charlie explains, stepping inside.

"What are you talking about, Charlie?" Tracy asks, shutting the door.

"I'm here to boost your ego, make you arrogant. Make you narcissistic. You'll be rolling in the money and the honeys in no time with a little rhyme. I'm gonna make you shine." Charlie says. "But I'm gonna get a cut of your next gig." he whispers.

"You think I need a big ego to be successful in the entertainment business?" Tracy asks.

"Absolutely. In Hollywood no one gives a shit if you think you're the shit. It only enhances your income. It'll re-define your character and make you interesting and appealing." Charlie explains.

"Well okay if you think you can help." Tracy takes a bite of his granola bar.

"We're gonna start with eating a meal fit for a pimp." Charlie grabs the granola bar out of Tracy's hand and throws it aside. "Come with me. Get on your hoodie. The training starts now." Charlie walks to the door and opens it.

Tracy pulls on a gray hoodie and begins his training with Charlie Sheen. He goes to his mansion and eats bacon and eggs off the bare stomachs of super models in bikinis with Charlie.

_Risin up_  
_back on the street_  
_did my time took my chances_  
_went the distance now I'm back on my feet_  
_just a man and his will to survive_

"What now, Charlie?" Tracy asks.

"Now you're gonna learn what types of things you should say in public." Charlie steps aside, revealing Donald Trump.

"Tracy I'm gonna help give you the biggest ego in the whole world. And it starts with saying completely false ignorant statements in a cocky sure of your self way." Donald clears his throat "For example. I happen to know that Michael J. Fox is exaggerating his whole disease. I have a research team gathering information as we speak that will be coming in out in the next couple days. Now you try."

"Okay um…" Tracy thinks about what he should say "Avatar's box office gross has been fabricated. It barely made half a billion dollars world wide."

"Excellent excellent." Donald shakes his hand.

_so many times_  
_it happens too fast_  
_you trade your passion for glory_  
_don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past_  
_you must fight just to keep them alive_

"Next on your make over, is modifying your appearance. And here to help is Kanye West." Charlie steps aside to reveal West standing there.

"Okay Tracy I want you to wear some tight dark clothing up top and some baggy shit down low. Put this here bling on over your self." Kanye hands Tracy some gold chains. "You gotta have an earing, and I'm taking you to my dentist. We gonna get you some gold grills too. Come with me." Kanye takes Tracy's hand and leads him to his personal dentist.

_It's the eye of the tiger_  
_its the cream of the fight_  
_risin up to the challenge of our rivals_  
_and the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night_  
_and he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger_  
_(Eye of the Tiger by Survivor)_

Charlie Sheen, Donald Trump, Kanye West, Rush Limbaugh, and Chad Ochocinco sit around in chairs talking when Tracy steps out of a dressing room wearing a black leather jacket with no shirt on underneath, gold chains, piercing, sunglasses, a couple tattoos, and gold grills. "Let's do this, MAN." Tracy takes off his shades.

All those narcissists gather around Tracy and congratulate him on his transformation and give him some lasting arrogant words.

"Thanks for everything guys, especially you Chad. Who convinced me to change my name to Viva Tracy. But there's one more thing. There's a traitor amongst us." Tracy says. Tension and mumbling ripples through the group. "I saw Kanye West at the occupy wall street protests in support of all those people who are anti-greed."

Gasps echo from the group. "Give me those!" Charlie yanks the chains off of Kanye's neck. "Get out of here and don't come back until you only care about yourself."

Kanye hangs his head in shame as he walks away.

Tracy decided to go back to his old job and co host Poke'Scenes with Professor Oak, hoping that his new persona would help him climb the ladder to stardom and become the face of Poke'mon. He enters the studio and marches into the writing room where Professor Oak is reading his lines for the next show.

"Hey Tracy, how ya been?" Oak asks, looking up from the script.

"I've been shit-tastic. I just snorted the bone dust of Charlie Chaplin off J-Lo's ass. Now I'm ready to host this ill shit." Tracy says with his bling hanging on him…

"I'm sorry Tracy but you've been replaced." Sam says.

"What? By who?" Tracy asks, stunned.

"Hey, Tracy." George Lopez walks in with a script in hand.

_The End?_

* * *

"Well we spent the season budget on all those guest stars for that last skit so don't expect anything from us for awhile." Professor Oak says back in the lab. "Now let's get to the fan mail."

_Who has the most strike outs in baseball history?- capsnum_

"That would be Nolan Ryan with 5,714. He's also the all time leader in no hitters with seven." Sam answers.

"Hey Professor Oak can I answer the next question?" George Lopez asks, walking up beside him.

"Sure, George. Take it away." Sam steps aside.

"Okay." George reads off the prompter "EnterShift asks 'why do I feel like killing everyone I know?' And the answer is simple. Because they deserve it. Good night everyone."

_Thanks for reading and hopefully reviewing everyone. And don't forget I'm still waiting for some idea or short story submissions for a future Poke'Scenes chapter that I will give credit for. I pwomise. Love ya all. Mwaaa!_


	11. Writing Bad

**[Po]ke'**

**Scen[Es]**

_If at first you don't succeed…you should probably quit because it's clear you aren't cut out for it_

Tracy walks down a long corridor, dressed dashingly in an expensive suit, having bought it after recently watching a How I Met Your Mother marathon. He stops in front of a door and knocks.

Commotion can be heard on the other side of the door. "Just a second!" Professor Oak shouts. A couple minutes pass by. "Okay. Come on in."

Tracy opens the door "Professor, it's time to star-oh my god what is going on?" he's stunned.

Oak realizes that the table he's sitting at is covered in equipment and ingredients for shooting heroin. "Oh my!" he wipes everything off the table with his arm and regresses to a casual manner, sitting back in his chair with his hands behind his head. "What were you saying, Trace?" he grins.

"The show is about to star-oh my god, Professor there's a needle in your arm!" Tracy points, panicked.

Oak glances at his arm, which indeed has a needle in it, which has injected him with heroin. "Oh, so there is…oh…oh my." he slinks down in the chair "Let's…get on with it then, huh?" he smiles.

Tracy sighs, looks at the camera and opens his arms with a shrug "Live from Pallet Town, it's Poke'Scenes!"

Delia Ketchum!

Delia is doing dishes, and flashes a smile at the camera.

Pikachu!

Pikachu is standing on a busy street corner with a group of people. He smiles at the camera.

Ash Ketchum!

Ash walks out of a deli with a big sandwich. He goes to take a bite and realizes there's a camera on him. He grins.

Team Rocket!

They're blasting through the air per usual, but smile for the camera.

Brock Slate!

He grabs a girl's ass and gets slapped hard across the face. He shrugs and smiles at the camera.

Misty Waterflower!

A door opens to show Misty from behind, wearing only panties. She realizes she's being watched and panics. She makes a hand bra and smiles.

With your hosts Samuel Oak and Tracy Sketchit!

The two of them drink from the same milkshake through separate straws at a 50's style diner. They smile.

* * *

**Mega Misty**

The trunk to a vehicle opens up. A woman with bright red hair with a black bandana tied around her head, and a matching leather jacket and pants on looks into the trunk. She has a tramp stamp of a Cloyster.

Inside the trunk is an A-R 15 semiautomatic weapon. The woman closes the trunk.

_One week earlier…_

A bartender flips through the channels on a television overhead, suspended from the ceiling. He flips through some news reports about an impending invasion by Kanto's military of another region.

"Welcome to Entertainment Tonight" some blonde lady says "First up, do you remember the Poke'mon character, Misty? If you don't, it's only because she's been out of the lime light for ten years now since her departure from the hit anime. But, she'll actually be crawling out of her cave for a couple minutes this Sunday night when she makes a presentation at the Anime Awards. Whatever she became, that pretty hot head with the Togepi, long ago…she's gone."

Watching from a stool at the counter, sipping Whiskey is none other than Misty herself. There are lines around her eyes, beneath a pair of lens with a thick black frame. Her hair is shaggy and uncleansed. Red facial hair sprouting about.

"I'll show you, bitch" Misty sips some more whiskey "I'll show all of you. It's gonna be the most greatest presi-den-tation EVER!"

She sits at a desk with a lamp light brighting the area as she focuses intently on making notes and drawings. She erases, crumples, and discards one sheet of paper after another as she searches for her perfect vision.

Small strands of red hair fall into the bathroom sink as Misty shaves her face with an electric razor.

_That Sunday…_

The audience at the Anime Awards applauds, following an award given out. The host walks up to the microphone. It's Sailor Moon.

"Our next presenter doesn't know the meaning of the word _forgotten_. Welcome back Misty." Sailor Moon steps aside.

Most of the audience claps sarcastically, forgetting who she is. Ash and friends applaud loudly and sincerely from a few rows back. Misty walks up to the microphone, wearing a conservative blue dress. _Who Are You_ by The Who plays as she approaches the microphone.

"Tonight, I'm presenting the award for Best Female Performance." Misty speaks into the mike. "But first…" she strips off her long dress, leaving her in a bright red bikini.

A song starts to play and a group of backup dancers made of Jynx's form behind her and perform an originally choreographed dance.

_seesaw swingin' with the boys in the school  
and your feet flyin' up in the air  
singin' "hey diddle diddle"  
with your kitty in the middle of the swing  
like you didn't care_

Misty sticks her tongue out, while dancing around awkwardly on the stage. A guy dressed like an NFL referee gets behind her. Misty bends over in front of him and sticks out her tongue.

_so I took a big chance at the high school dance  
with a missy who was ready to play  
wasn't me she was foolin'  
'cause she knew what she was doin'  
and I knowed love was here to stay  
when she told me to_

The madness persists in front of a stunned crowd. Then a giant pendulum is wheeled on stage by a group of half nude muscle men. Misty strips off her bikini and proceeds to ride the pendulum naked, licking and dry humping it.

_walk this way_

_walk this way_

_walk this way_

_walk this way_

_walk this way  
just gimme a kiss  
like this!_

_("Walk This Way" by Aerosmith)_

The performance ends with the Jynx dancers on their hands and knees, the muscle men holding oversized foam fingers in front of their crotch with Misty in the middle holding a massage stick in her mouth.

The crowd is stunned by what they just witnessed…

_That week…_

Misty sits on a recliner in her living room, flipping through the channels of the television.

Jimmy Kimmel is giving his monologue. "To anyone who watched the A.A's last night, they want to apologize for being entertaining this year." the audience laughs. He sticks out his tongue and leans over, mocking Misty, getting another big laugh from the crowd.

CNN's The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer: "The prospect of Kanto going to war with another region is escalating. More on that at the end of the hour, but first up, the Anime Awards is the talk of the town and particularly the performance by Misty last night in what many experts are calling a historical night of television. The performance clip in question is already the most watched video ever on youtube. Joining me now is Professor Cult Sher. Professor, what did you make of Misty's performance? Do you think this was a desperate attempt to regain notability?"

Prof Sher speaks via satellite "Well, Wolf, I think so. Her stock has plummeted over the course of the last five years, and some would argue longer than that. Say what you will about the content, but I think this is exactly what she needed. She went out there guns a blazing. She had nothing to lose. I think this was a brilliant move by Misty."

Real Time With Bill Maher: Bill's panel consists of Chris Tucker, Stephen King, and Barack Obama. "Well panel, let's get to what everyone is talking about" Bill says "Because even I'm more interested in this than the pending Kanto intervention in Sinnoh. And that is Misty's performance at the Anime Awards this past Sunday. I thought it was really something."

"What the hell wrong with her?!" Chris screams. "She is one crazy white girl! Damn!"

Bill laughs "True dat, brother. What do you think, Stephen? Was it more like an influence or more like influenza?" the audience and the panel laughs. Obama grins.

"Bill, let me tell you something" he begins "I've been writing horror for nearly fifty years, but I've never written anything more terrifying than that performance." the audience laughs and applauds.

"I'm throwing it to the prezzie." Bill says, eyeing Obama "What say you, Barry?"

"Now, Bill. Let me just say, I have nothing against Misty." Barack speaks "She uhh…was a great character on Poke'mon. She…is a wonderful water trainer. And a beautiful young lady. But, the fact is…uhh…she has tumbled down a dark path. She's not the role model she once was. It's a sad day on this planet when…a girl who used to carry a baby egg around, uh starts swinging naked on a pendulum." the audience applauds.

"That sounds like a good novel." Stephen King immediately begins writing his newest novel at the table.

Misty changes the channel once again. Charlie Rose is interviewing a couple guests. "The Poke'mon anime series is now under scrutiny, because of, your association with Misty Waterflower."

"It shouldn't be though." Brock says, sitting to Ash's right across from Charlie Rose. "We're talking about someone who was there at the beginning, but had little to nothing to do with the show, and even less to do with growing it into what it is today."

Misty's mouth his partially agape. She's stunned by Brock's reaction. She clenches her fists.

"Ash…" Charlie says "How do you counter?"

"As far as I'm concerned…" Ash responds "Misty is dead to me. I don't know who that was on stage on Sunday, but it wasn't Misty. It was some sort of weird mega evolved version of a once likable and attractive entity. It's like how Bulbasaur can ultimately become a Mega Venasaur or whatever. It's ugly and futile."

The rest of the show fades in the background as the weight of Ash's words sink into Misty's brain, prompting her veins to pump full of vengeance. She's highly motivated to get back at her former friends.

She digs through her closet, pulling out clothes. She strips herself of her current outfit of a tang top…and white panties. She pulls on camouflage underwear with a matching bra. She ties a red bandana around her forehead, installs a nose piercing, and puts on a necklace with a cross.

One last detail…she goes to a tattoo parlor and asks to have a Cloyster tattooed on her lower back.

"One clamp stamp coming up." he says, and prepares to ink her.

"Ow!" Misty winces in pain when the needle touches her.

"What? You've never been poked in the back before?" the artist asks.

"I've always been kind of a goody good who fakes tough. I guess it all started because my sisters-"

As Misty yaks away, the tattoo artist unscrews the lid on a jar with a labeled _Sleep Powder_ acquired from various poke'mon and dumps some on Misty's head. She falls asleep and he resumes his work.

"This isn't a damn hair salon, bitch." he says as he carves a Cloyster into her back.

_The next day…_

Misty steps out of a hair salon into the sunlight, with a black bandana on over her freshly died bright wavy red hair, dark shades, a small leather jacket opened up over her camouflage bra, black leather pants, and pink tennis shoes, because her only black pair were dirty.

She walks to a red Corvette, puts her shades up on top of her head, and opens up the trunk. She examines the A-R 15 assault rifle. She takes a deep breath and shuts the trunk.

Misty gets in the car and speeds off, leaving a trail of dust behind her. She goes over the speed limit and then slowly pulls to a stop at an important location. She rolls down her window.

"Welcome to McDonalds, what can I get for you?" a woman asks her at the drive thru.

"Hi, can I get a twenty piece chicken mcnuggets?" Misty asks "And a five piece Mighty Wings….and…a large Dr. Pepper."

"Will that be all for you?" the lady asks.

"Yes."

"We'll have your total at the window."

Misty pulls forward.

A few hours later, after eating, and driving to her destination, she eyes the Poke'mon headquarters in her car from across the street. According to Ash's Twitter page, the entire cast, crew, everybody working for the show: is having an important meeting today. They've all been wrangled together.

The building is reflected in Misty's sunglasses. She smirks. She pops the trunk, gets out and goes around to get the gun. She picks it up, confirms that it's loaded and looks towards the headquarters. She steps toward it, and instantaneously falls down through an uncovered manhole.

"AHHHHHhhhhhhh…" Thud!

…Meanwhile at the meeting:

The show runner for Poke'mon speaks up "I think we should bring back Misty as a permanent integral part of the show."

* * *

Professor Oak sits at his desk, checking the message boards for Poke'Scenes on his lap top. Tracy peers over his shoulder.

"Yikes." Sam grits his teeth "People aren't happy about that conclusion."

"Well what did you expect?" Tracy asks "It was extremely anti-climactic. It was building and building to an epic blood bath and we took it away from them in a flash."

"It's a comedy. Not a suspense drama." Sam shakes his head. "Can't they at least appreciate that we're exposing the dangers of uncovered manholes?"

"That thread says uncovered manhole accidents are no laughing matter." Tracy points out.

Sam clicks on it: I know people, including two cousins of mine who fell down manholes and died.

"Screw this. Roll the next crappy skit." Sam says.

* * *

**Hypersensitivity **

The moon and the stars are beautiful sight as they light up the dark sky on a chilly night in the forest. Brock pokes at the campfire from his position on a log. He's finally alone after an entire day of dealing with his traveling companions whom he loved, but got under his skin. Especially Ash.

Brock reaches into a tube of Pringles and throws some in his mouth. He takes a lighter out of his vest pocket and a pack of Black & Mild cigars out of his pocket, ready for a stress-relieving smoke. He unfolds the Kanto newspaper to read about the recent events.

"Hey, Brock." his peaceful alone time is shattered by Ash's voice. He approaches him, rubbing his eyes.

Brock panics and hides the cigars and the lighter in the Pringles tube. He seals the lid. "Uh, hey Ash. What are you doing awake?"

"I need to talk to you. It's important." Ash rubs his swollen crotch.

Brock raises an eyebrow. "Well…have a seat."

Ash goes to sit next to Brock.

"Over there!" Brock points across the fire at the other log.

"Okay." Ash walks around and sits down.

"What's up?" Brock asks.

Ash sighs "It's about…Misty. And me. I think there's something wrong with me."

"What do you mean?" Brock rolls his eyes…in a cloud bubble above his head.

"Sometimes, when I'm around Misty…" Ash begins "I get this weird feeling. I start to sweat and my heart beats fast. It's like I'm having a hypersensitive reaction."

Brock smirks "Oh…I know what's going on."

"And also my little diglett gets bigger…" Ash rubs his crotch.

"Oh geez." Brock face palms. "Ash, how old are you now?"

"Uh…fifteen." Ash answers.

"This is normal, Ash." Brock smiles.

"It can't be, Brock. I can't get near her without all this stuff happening to me." Ash frowns. "My diglett swells up. Just like an allergic reaction."

"Ash, my son…you want to (bleep) her." Brock explains.

"Ahh!" Ash is stunned by Brock's language "What are you talking about?"

"You want to (bleep) Misty. It's okay. So do I quite honestly." Brock chuckles.

"What does that mean? How do I (bleep) her?" Ash asks with his index finger pressed against his lips.

Brock gets up and puts an arm around Ash's shoulder. "You know your little diglett?"

"Uh, yeah." Ash nods and looks down at his pants.

"You stick it in her cloyster." Brock says.

"What?!" Ash jumps back "I can't do that."

"Why not?" Brock asks.

"It would hurt!" Ash says, frightened.

Brock slaps Ash across the face "Quit being a little bitch. I didn't tell you to stick it in her ghastly. One hole at a time."

"Why do I need to do that though? That's gross." Ash appears disgusted.

"Yes it is, but that's part of nature." Brock says "Didn't your mom ever teach you about sex?"

"Nnooo." Ash shakes his head.

"Hmm…well I (bleep)-ed your mom." Brock says, his arm around Ash.

"Oh really?" Ash's eyes widen "Cool…"

Brock tries to keep a straight face. "She loved it. And so will Misty. Go into that tent and (bleep) her as hard as you can." Brock shoves Ash in the tent's direction.

Ash marches slowly towards the tent. He unzips it and crawls inside and closes it behind him. He drops his pants and pulls down Misty.

It's pitch black inside. As Misty gets poked from behind, she awakens. She moans. "Faster…" she whispers.

Ash moans and groans "Gahh my diglett is hypersensitive." their moans persist and escalate. "dig-a-dig-dig-a-dig-ahhhhhhHHHHHHHHHH…" he rolls over on his back and falls asleep.

Brock sits on the log smoking a cigar with Pikachu and Togepii beside him. "Ah, it's about damn time."

"Pika pika"

"Priiiiii"

The following morning…Ash emerges from the tent and stretches his arms. "Hey, Brocko." he sees his friend sitting by the fire, making breakfast.

"Good morning, Ash. Have fun last night?" Brock winks.

"The funnest!" Ash prances around the camp site. "I want to stick my diglett in more cloysters." he says while dancing happily.

"That's my boy." Brock chuckles.

Not too long later, Misty pops out of the tent in a bath robe. "Hi, handsome." Misty walks over to the fire and pecks Brock on the cheek. "You were raw last night." she winks.

"Yes I was." Brock sweat drops.

"You came inside me though, So I'll need to get some Plan B at the next town." she says.

"Sorry about that." Brock sweats more.

"And your diglett got bigger." Misty smirks.

Brock's jaw drops. "Ehh?"

"Ahhhhhh!" Ash shrieks.

Brock and Misty stand up startled and look in Ash's direction. His pants and underwear are down to his ankles and he's in immense pain in front of a Cloyster, which has clamped on to his diglett. Ash cries.

Brock face palms.

(This was a parody of "Allergic" by MoonlitSky321)

* * *

Professor Oak closes the lap top. "I don't even want to read the feedback for that one. It was terrible."

"What?" Tracy lowers the latest issue of The New York Times in his chair.

"Nothing. What's the next skit? Anything our readers should know?" Oak asks.

"Uh…read lightly…" Tracy resumes reading The Times.

* * *

**[Fr]eaking **

**[Ra]d**

Previously on Freaking Rad…

Danny, one of the Orange Island gym leaders approaches his gym to see an eviction notice.

He's in the poke'mon center with Electrode by his side. "Your electrode has kidney cancer." Nurse Joy informs him.

Danny opens the door of his studio apartment in briefs and an open bathrobe. He picks up a newspaper with a headline reading: Drug Dealers Make Great Money!

Danny sits in his living room with Electrode and some of his other poke'mon. "It's Electrode's turn to speak. Give him the talking pillow." Danny says.

Nidoqueen from the couch, tosses the pillow to Electrode in the recliner, but it bounces off his displeased face.

"I know about what you do. I know about your business." Danny says to a guy dressed in all blue, including a beanie. "What's your name?"

"Bryan." he answers "Bryan Anston…I mean Bryan Anderson." he corrects himself. "What's your name?"

"Danny Light." Danny responds.

Danny and Bryan are in abandoned high school lab class. "I read on Wikipedia how to make the popular drug, _Death_ so let's get started." Danny and Bryan mix poke'mon poisons and powders and potions together to make the addictive and dangerous drug.

"We're gonna use my signature ingredient. Kool-aid powder." Bryan holds up a variety of kool-aid sugar packets.

"No!" Danny smacks them out of his hand.

Bryan tries the finished Death product "Oh man!" he paces the room "That stuff is freaking rad yo!"

"Those guys stole my television." Bryan says with his eyes welled up with tears. "I'm going after them."

"No, Bryan. You should have dealt with it then. It's over." Danny tells him, his hands on Bryan's shoulders.

Bryan marches towards the thieves and pulls a gun out of his pocket, and then suddenly a crop duster airplane flies into them out of nowhere, taking them out. The plane is piloted by Danny. Bryan is stunned.

A poke'mon known as Flygon flies around the lab. Danny and Bryan give chase, trying to get rid of the contamination.

The two guys sit in a fast food restaurant chatting. "What if we robbed a train, and used like…a magnet?" Bryan suggests with a mouth full of chicken.

"What relevance does that have to our Death production?" Danny asks.

"Wha?" Bryan sees things fuzzy and distorted, because of the effects of the drugs he's on. He's not thinking clearly.

A tear strains from Electrode's eye.

Bryan faces Danny with tears in his eyes. "Mr. Light, how much more money do you want?" he asks him "How much more death are we gonna make? How much more death…are we gonna cause?"

"We're done when I say we're done." Danny storms off.

"Who is this Flyseinberg…this mysterious Death dealer who flies a crop duster around the orange islands, picking off the competition?" Officer Jenny asks.

"They say his death is freaking rad." another Jenny says.

"I am the one who talks!" Danny exclaims "You shut up and listen." he says to Bryan.

_Created by_

_[Ne]o _

_Nam[Co]_

Danny and Bryan remove their yellow ponchos in a large laboratory where they just finished cooking a batch of Death. "That should do it." Danny says as they weigh the finished product. He writes down the numbers on a chart.

"Yo, Pepsi me, bitch." Bryan holds out his hand.

Danny rolls his eyes and grabs a Pepsi out of the ice cooler and hands it to Bryan.

Bryan opens the tab and drinks down his refreshing drink. He tilts his head and winks.

"This is only 44 pounds. We're short." Danny realizes. Sweat drops from his brow.

"Mr. Light, relax." Bryan tells him. "Have a Pepsi." he tilts his head and winks again.

"No, Bryan. It's not okay. We have to meet expectation. Fifty pounds. No less." Danny reminds him.

"Like seriously? It's not a big deal. Chill…like this ice cold Pepsi." Bryan gulps down some more Pepsi.

"Bryan, let me tell you something." Danny gets in Bryan's face "Put down the Pepsi and learn for a second."

"Cooks, how is it coming along?" a man appears in the doorway of the lab in a nice suit. The man is Russ Bling, an owner of a popular Laundromat chain called _Dry By_ and also the lead Death dealer in the Orange Islands. He also wears a lot of gold bling, hence the name.

"We're six pounds under, Russ." Danny reluctantly answers.

"Yo, you're not gonna like kill us are you?" Bryan asks, and then nervously takes a sip of Pepsi. He crushes the can and throws it in the recycle bin.

"Heavens no." Russ responds and approaches the men. "Gentleman, it is quite alright. It's jus at little hiccup. Everyone makes mistakes."

Danny and Bryan look at each other. The sound of another Pepsi being opened is audible and Bryan brings another can to his mouth.

"I tell you what. Why don't you both take the day off tomorrow. Recharge those batteries." Russ tells them, putting a hand on each of their shoulders. Russ grins.

"Are you sure about that? What about customer demand? It's at an all time high." Danny reminds him.

"No worries." Russ says, adjusting his glasses, and then his tie. "Take the day off with pay. And here, have some bling." he graciously offers. Danny and Bryan stare at him in silence. "Don't be afraid. Just reach in and pick something. Come on."

Bryan slowly reaches out and pulls a gold earring out of Russ' ear.

"Ow" Russ rubs his bloody ear "Your turn, Danny."

Danny sighs and reaches for the gold necklace with the gold Pikachu charm.

"Not that one!" Russ steps back. "Any one, but that one."

Danny pulls off a gold bracelet from Russ's wrist and puts it around his own. "This is pretty sweet."

"Very well. Enjoy your day off." Russ turns around and walks out the door.

"I'm gonna have a pizza party tomorrow." Bryan says, getting his stuff together "You want to come?"

"No…Bryan, do you want to go get a beer?" Danny asks.

"Uh, no, but thanks." Bryan puts his bag over his shoulder.

"Seriously. Have a beer with me." Danny stares him down.

"No, dude." Bryan walks towards the door.

"Have a goddamn beer with me!" Danny grabs Bryan by the shoulders and pushes him into the wall.

Bryan checks his watch "Well okay."

Danny and Bryan are sitting at a table at a bar called Szylack's. Bryan has Blue Moon in his mug and Danny as Rolling Rock.

Bryan drinks down his Blue Moon. He notices Danny staring blankly ahead. "Yo, what's up? What did you want to say?"

Danny snaps out of his day dream. "I'm sorry…you got mustard…right here." he points at his own shirt.

"I don't see any mustard." Bryan says, looking at his partner's shirt.

"No, not my shirt. Your shirt!" Danny points at Bryan.

"I know. That's my lucky stain." Bryan says like it's obvious.

Danny stares at him for a few seconds "Lucky stain? Seriously?"

"Yeah, like seriously yo." Bryan rolls his eyes.

"Never mind. I wanted to talk to you about Russ." Danny says quietly.

"The guy is pretty great huh? Giving us a paid day off. And his jewelry." Bryan admires the earring in his palm "My last boss used to gag me and (bleep) me in the ass when I screwed up."

Danny shoots him a quizzical look "Where did you work before?"

"Papa Johns." Bryan simply answers.

"Okay, about Russ. He's nice. He's too nice. He's overly cheerful and motivational." Danny says "He has to go."

"What? Why? He gives us free Pepsi!" Bryan pulls a Pepsi out of his pocket.

"Keep your voice down." Danny says, angrily. "I can't work in a positive environment. I need criticism. I need to be challenged. I'm not getting any of that from Russ. We need to kill him."

"No." Bryan shakes his head "No, forget it yo. I still haven't gotten over the last guy you made me kill."

"It had to be done." Danny retorts.

"Dale was a nice guy. He just sneezed on you. It was an accident." Bryan says.

"I was sick for a week after that!" Danny says, upset. "Look, I'm gonna do this with or without your help. But, I need you. I need you, Bryan."

Bryan sighs "How do we do it?"

"Let's both go home and brainstorm and we'll meet at Denny's in the morning to discuss our ideas." Danny says "Sound good?"

Bryan smiles "I'm gonna get a grand slam."

"Bryan, concentrate." Danny kicks him under the table.

"Okay." Bryan and Danny pay and leave.

Bryan walks home with his hands in his pockets, thinking of ways to kill Russ, when he stumbles upon an exciting discovery. There's a red Corvette parked on the side of the curb next to an uncovered manhole and an automatic weapon in between.

"Cool. Big gun." Bryan picks it up and looks through the scope with a big grin on his face.

"Hellllp! Help!" a female voice shouts from down in the hole.

Bryan shifts his eyes, grabs the manhole cover and seals it. He grins, gets in the car with the gun, and drives off.

The next morning at Denny's…Danny and Bryan sit at a table eating breakfast. Bryan has used the bacon on his plate to create a design. "What do you think?" he slides his plate in front of Danny.

Danny checks out the plate and then looks at Bryan, un-amused. "Really?"

"Boobies, bitch." Bryan grins, proud of the bacon boobs he made. He takes the strawberries off his pancakes and substitutes the bacon in the middle as nipples. He licks and sucks on one of them, disturbing the people at the table across from them.

"Bryan, stop." Danny grabs the strawberries and puts them on his plate. "Let's exchange ideas. What did you come up with?"

"I was thinking that we like shoot the guy." Bryan suggests "Did you see Inglorious Basterds?"

SPOILER ALERT! SPOILER ALERT! The following italicized words contain SPOILERS! SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Bryan continues _"I say we do him like they did Hitler. At the end of the movie, they pump round after round into Hitler at the theatre. Just pow-pow-pow. Overkill. It was da bomb!"_

Danny stares at Bryan, dumbfounded. "I was thinking of something a little more subtle."

"But, I have an AR-15 in my car outside." Bryan reveals "I could blow him away. Scarface style yo."

"You brought an illegal weapon to a family restaurant?" Danny asks in a quit, but elevated tone.

Bryan ignores the question and drinks some orange juice.

"You're talking about an over the top blood splattering fantasy that would elevate the heart rate of anyone who witnesses it…" Danny says "No. We do it quietly, and precise. We use poison."

"Aw, but Mr. Light, that's not exciting. That's lame juice yo." Bryan crosses his arms.

"Lame juice?" Danny raises an eyebrow "You think intoxicating a man with a deadly poison that makes him sick with flu like symptoms, eventually leading to his death after a few days isn't exciting? That's lame?"

Bryan stares at Danny, takes a sip of orange juice and puts the glass back on the table. "Sorry. That's totally cray-cray." he says sarcastically.

"Call it what you will. It's the smartest and safest route to take." Danny wipes his face with a napkin and takes out some cash from his wallet. "I'll call you later." he gets up and leaves the table.

Bryan sits still for a moment, before reaching over and grabbing the strawberries, which he puts back on his bacon boobs, and resumes sucking on them.

Danny goes home that night and mixes some chemicals together in his kitchen to create a slow acting poison that he'll use on Russ. He scoops the white powdered poison substance into a small tube and seals it. He sticks it inside a cigarette pack to store it inconspicuously.

The next day, Danny sits in his car outside a fast food restaurant. Bryan pulls up a few minutes later in his new Corvette. "Bryan." he says "Come here." he unlocks the passenger door.

Bryan walks around and gets inside. "What's up?"

Danny hands Bryan the pack of cigarettes. "There's poison inside."

Bryan opens it up and sees the tube. "Well yeah, they're cigarettes."

"No. In the tube." Danny takes the pack back and points to the tube. "After work, I'm gonna go wait for him outside the Laundromat, the one you said you see him at every Friday. Then I'm gonna follow him to his house and sneak some poison into his coffee."

Bryan starts to worry about the plan. "Are you sure you want to do this…Mr. Light?"

"Absolutely. No partial measures." Danny gets out of the car. Bryan sighs, gets out and follows Danny inside the food joint to the back. They open up an unmarked door that takes them down into a basement which turns out to be the location of their lab.

After a day of cooking Death, Danny and Bryan clean up and head out. Danny gets in his car and drives to one of the Dry By Laundromats that Russ owns. He spots his vehicle and sits from a distance, waiting for him to leave.

An hour passes and Russ walks out, in his nice suit and bling, and gets into his car. Danny follows from a safe distance to his mansion. Russ gets out and enters his home.

Danny treads passed the security gate and maneuvers his way through a barrage of obstacles that's quite entertaining and suspenseful, but requires too much detail for me to exhaust describing. Danny finds his way into the house and finds the tin of ground coffee in the cabinet.

He pulls the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and opens it up…but…the tube is missing. "No…no-no-no." he whispers and pulls his hair. He sighs and leaves…

In the morning, Danny sits at a round table in his backyard in front of the swimming pool. An empty beer bottle is on its side on the table. Danny spins it. It stops, pointing at him. He spins it again. Same outcome. He spins it one more time, and it points to his right. He turns his head to see his signature crop duster. "Hmm…"

Danny parks his car in front of a house. He's dressed in black leotard. He walks up to a red corvette, breaks into the passenger seat, and pulls out an AR-15. He retreats back to his vehicle.

Man hours later, Russ is being driven by his right hand man, Mick. They drive out to an isolated desert looking area. Mick parks the car. He and Russ get out. But, a third person exit's the vehicle. It's Bryan.

"This is it." Russ says.

"What's this all about?" Bryan asks, and takes a sip of Pepsi.

"I think you're ready to know about our drop-offs and meeting spots. The behind the scenes aspect of this business." Russ explains.

"And lord knows I ain't getting any younger." Mick says in his menacing gravely voice.

"This is the spot where Mick and myself come for top secret affairs and relaxing get aways." Russ reveals.

"I don't mean to be rude…" Bryan says "but this place is lame juice. Yo."

"At first glance. But that well over yonder is actually an elevator to an underground paradise." Russ points to a rusty old wishing well.

Little do they know, they're being watched…from the sky. Danny flies his crop duster through the sky. He uses his binoculars to see them. He's surprised to see his partner.

"Bryan…" he pushes his partner's safety out of his thoughts. His goal is to kill Russ. At all cost. He zeros in on Russ and pulls up the AR-15. He begins firing rounds at them.

Russ, Mick, and Bryan try dodging the bullets, and running for the car to use as cover. Danny sprays the area with bullets. Blood splatters and a blanket of dust conceals the carnage.

Danny circles the area until the dust clears. The lifeless bodies of Russ and Mick litter the ground. Danny's new concern is Bryan's well-being. He's no where to be seen. Danny takes the plane in for a landing. He gets out with the weapon in hand and approaches the bodies and the vehicle.

Soon, Bryan crawls out from underneath the car. "What the hell yo?" he's upset.

"I'm sorry, Bryan. I did what needed to be done…but I'm so glad you're okay." Danny hugs him. "How did you survive?"

Bryan looks down at his stained shirt "I never go anywhere without my lucky stain."

Danny laughs and gives Bryan another good squeeze. "Tomorrow we'll go to Denny's. I'll buy."

"All right. Yeah, Mr. Light. Yeah, Denny's!" Bryan exclaims in joy.

Danny walks over to Russ' corpse and pulls the Pikachu necklace off of him. He sticks it in his pocket. It is his trophy. "Let's get out of here." Danny leads Bryan to the airplane, and they fly away.

That night, Bryan is sitting in his favorite chair, watching television. He thinks about his old beloved television that was stolen by those thieving assholes months back. The ones that Danny crashed into with his plane.

He suddenly comes to a realization. He remembers going to Danny's house, and seeing a television in his basement that was very similar to the one that was stolen from him. He even made a remark about the similarities. He remembers an oddly placed coaster on the television(not a flat screen. It's kind of old).

A previous flashback has Danny checking out Bryan's old T.V in the living room of his house. "What do you think of the set? Pretty sweet huh?"

"It's nice." Danny gets a closer look, seeing that the initials B.A are carved into the top of the tv. "Why did you carve B.A into it?"

"So that way I know it's mine. If someone ever steals it, I can track down the culprit. You can't un-carve that. There's nothing that can be done to hide it." Bryan explains.

The realization enrages Bryan. He clenches the remote…

The following morning…Danny and Bryan are eating breakfast at Denny's in their usual spot. They're both dressed like they're going to the beach. T-shirts and shorts. Bryan in blue, Danny in white. They look like Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta at the diner in Pulp Fiction. Bryan has stacks of pancakes and bacon on his plate. No bacon design this time. Danny takes a sip of coffee.

"Aren't you gonna make some bacon breasts?" Danny asks.

"Nah. I'm too hungry." Bryan says with no emotion.

"You've barely touched your plate." Danny says.

Bryan sticks some bacon in his mouth. "Happy?"

"What's up your butt? Did you have a crush on Russy?" Danny smirks. He takes another sip of coffee. "I'll be right back." he gets up and goes to the bathroom.

Bryan eyes Danny's empty plate.

Danny washes his hands and face. He looks at the automatic hand dryer, which has a dent in it from when he punched it in rage after finding out Electrode had cancer months ago. He dries his hands.

Danny sits back at the table. "I was thinking…" he drinks some more coffee "we should go fishing some time. The two of us. Just a nice relaxing time out in the wilderness. We'll stock up on plenty of Pepsi. What do you say?"

"Yeah, sure. Sounds like fun." Bryan eats some more bacon.

They finish eating, pay for their meals, and walk to their respective vehicles. "Thanks for breakfast." Bryan says, opening the door to his corvette.

"You're welcome." Danny smiles "I'll call you." he gets into his car and drives off.

Bryan sits down in front of the wheel. He holds up an empty tube, previously containing the poison Danny made.

We zoom in on the empty coffee cup in Denny's. The word _bitch _is made out in bacon on Bryan's plate…

_Executive Producer_

_[Ne]o_

_Nam[Co]_

* * *

Professor Oak's jaw is dropped.

"What's wrong, Professor?" Tracy asks, concerned.

"I'm not even done with season one of Breaking Bad. It looked to me like there were countless references and spoilers littered throughout that skit." he complains.

"Anyways…" Tracy faces the camera with a smile "It's time for fan mail."

"_Why do you waste our time?" - MadTroller_

"The first amendment." Tracy simply replies.

"_Is Gary gay?" -awesomeSOUL101_

"Well awesome soul, I can only go on speculation. And I believe he is gay. But if you want a definitive answer, please stay tuned for more Poke'Scenes and maybe Gary's sexual orientation will be officially revealed in an upcoming chapter. Thanks for reading everybody!"

_R&R please!_


End file.
